Walli – In The Name of M.

There was a problem. He was sure what to write but he was not sure how.

Should he write about her as M.? He talked about her as M.

With time, and with a never-ending state of separation, he started to talk about her a little openly. Daughter. His daughter.

And then, with the continuation of the separation, he talked a little more. Revealed a little more.

MARYAM. Maryam.

His M. His daughter. His Maryam.

Even before she was born, there was a connection. There was a strong connection through dreams. Through light. Through beautifully alone sleepless nights.

But of course there were some prerequisites to be fulfilled to meet her in reality. A marriage. A marriage destined to be doomed from the beginning.


She arrived on a beautiful sunny day. On April 9th 2014. Lahore.

That was the day he realized why the Prophet Muhammad SAW used to stand up for His daughter. With utmost love and respect.

Like the trials of all the philosophies before they were theorized by the great scholars of different times, this story was to be trialed as well.

He had to drink the poisonous water like Socrates.

He had to be insulted in the city like Mansur Al Haj.

He had to bear the crumbling pain in his brain-eating-itself like Nietzsche.

He had to witness the strange eyes of his own people like Hussain.

He had to be killed again and again so as to be given life every time to rise through the stages of suffering until the final resurrection.

Like the Divine Comedy of Dante. From inferno to purgatory to heaven…

However, the inferno isn’t ending since forever. The tunnel ahead looks dark up to infinity.

But even in the inferno, dreams are not forbidden. You can call them nightmares but they are the only meeting points for him and his daughter.

August 6th 2014 was the day of separation. December 14th 2015 was the re-union day. 496 days. In the Family Court.

These 496 days were the longest time period that he had had to survive. And he survived. With dreams. With nightmares. With hope. With struggle. The court allowed him 4 hours twice a month. A total of 8 hours a month. This was considered as a big relief as every lawyer told him.

Women must have been victims of patriarchy outside the court. But inside the court, particularly in family courts, men are the biggest victims you can imagine. Fathers have to struggle for months and years for the first glimpse of their kids. Thousands of Rupees are spent monthly to make the meetings possible. Bribery and begging is compulsory as well. Sometimes, fathers are beaten up too and there is no one to rescue them.

His meetings, visitations to be precise, continued for 6 months. Then the same old story was repeated and he was deprived of that too.

The story of separation started in the same tunnel of darkness.

He heard a lot of love stories. He saw them. People waiting hours to get a glimpse of their loved ones. People waiting to meet. People waiting to be united. Waiting and waiting and waiting. He never faced such waits all his life. Maybe he was needed to be taught how to wait for a loved one.

He is waiting. And he is doing it pretty well.

Everything that has a beginning has an end. This shall end too. He will see. We shall see.

While drinking the poisoned hemlock, Socrates saw his face in the reflection of the water for one last time. The dark incurious eyes. The face without any expression of sorrow or joy. The clean forehead with some wrinkles. His uncombed hair. His last reflection. Just before sipping the hemlock, his lips smiled a little. Everyone around who hurt him all his life were going to die and be forgotten in the ashes of history while he was going to live forever. Just before sipping the eternal grief and pain of his life, he was relieved of all his pains.

And that is when the tunnel is going to take a dangerous and darkest turn towards the perpetual happiness.


Author: SakiNama

His Highness

15 thoughts on “Walli – In The Name of M.”

  1. One of the most inspirational piece I have ever read. Someone really took his heart out. I wish it would have been just a story.
    You really are a powerful writer my friend.
    Such bitterness can only be felt which u hv depicted on paper.
    All rewards for those who wait

  2. Your words always left an impression. ..its not only father’s pain its about daughter’s pain too..fathers are everything for their daughter s their ideal their hero,their strength. .

    1. Other side of the story, the daughter is facing real trauma, when her hero is speechless due to court verdict. Trying and crying to reach the lap of her father, and never allow anyone to separate her from both of them, father and mother. Divorce is in reality the real curse for her. Father and mother are responsible for making the life of their daughter devoid of laughter and laughter… With love and respect.

  3. I think your writing speaks for all those who suffer torments of failed unions and obviously no one walks out of them unhurt. Similies of great philosopher’s personal tragedies with ordinary man’s routine dilemna makes him an equally tragic hero as Oedipus. May Allah bestow us with sensitive heart to feel someone’s pain against our petty egos. Just remember after each trouble there is promised an Ease. Stay strong!

  4. Happiness and sadness swing us between the shores of anger and forgiveness. It is really hard to giving up as we think giving up is a sign of weakness. That’s not true. Sometimes letting go can be positive and can help you to hold on the situation more firmly. May you get the answers to your patience. May your quest will fulfil soon.
    I really admired your words. These are soil soothing.
    Best of Luck.
    Stay blessed.

  5. I wish it was just a tale of past, relieving the writer of the burden at last. But, sadly such stories even penned-down haunts us forever.

    I am an avid follower of your critic and blogs. Would love to have a chance to pick your mind sometime.

  6. I know this pain all too well unfortunately. Our legal system is criminally stacked against the Father. As if we don’t love our kids. But let me tell you one thing. As long as you care. The kids care too. And the love of your kid will one day shine through for you.

  7. Although divorce is a bitter reality for some couples,but it cannot be avoided.Yes the children are the ones to suffer the most as it damages their little minds.But if both the parties make an effort than they wont suffer as much.And anyways whats the point of keeping kids in an dysfunctional or abusive marriage.
    And I hope you are united with her one day ,and get to spend more quality time with her.Daughters never forget their father.

  8. I have an angel too and for her i will bear anything, actually when i read this first time i became more committed to the marriage which never worked or rather is painful experience. So so afraid of the courts and that fear of being away from my daughter to whom i am a superhero. I guess it’s only daughters for whom dad’s are superheroes while the rest of relations see them as failures. I felt your pain that day and again now while reading this piece.

  9. Your style has such unfathomable resemlence to Murakami and especially Kafka on the shore. Not a sugeestion just a vibe that magical realism might be for you. As in, using fiction to give an end to your existentialism. Not just for the readers but for yourself atleast.

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