Iddat & The Judge

You played with the religion. In the end, religion outplayed you. That’s how people are done and dusted in a theological state.

Iddat has punished an ex PM to prison. While qisas and diyat helped murderers get away with crime and punishment.

Like once, the whole state was playing with Jihad and Mujahideen. Until both turned back and took the state violently with over 80,000 dead bodies.

I know. You have your arguments. But I have counterarguments. I’m not against the religion. I’m against the use of it by the state and people.

In the end, religion will wipe away basic rights if the state will own it to set its own narrative. For common people, it’s a lose-lose. Always.

Don’t fall into a trap. Differentiate between personal and public choices. And if you cannot respect someone’s privacy, then be ready to be violated of your own personal space some day.

It’s a lose-lose. Remember that.


Let me. Let me think this through by imagining myself as a Judge. I am a Judge. Yes, I am.

So, how did I do it? How did I analyze iddat? If I can analyze iddat period, can I analyze period too? Can I? If I think I can, I can. Steno! Note that one. It’s a quotable quote and I am the Judge.

Ok. Let me extend my intellect. What if I order that all the parents must submit DNA tests of their children to the court? Or Nadra. Else, Nadra may be ordered to cancel B-Forms of their children. How strict is that order? I have bounded the entire generation to my order. 250 million.

But I am not done yet. I am the Judge.

I will clean the marriages. I will differentiate between your harami and halali lineage. Ooooh! I’m so excited. This will lead to divorces, but I don’t care. A marriage should be on halal terms. Or there should be no marriage at all. We will go back. To the times of matrilineal societies. No marriages. No divorces. I will be remembered as the judge who ended divorces.

This is getting on my nerves. This is getting on my nerves. I need my pill. Order, order. The court is adjourned.

The Word ‘Idiot’ has a Face

If the word ‘idiot’ had a face, it would have been… wait!

It’s caretaker setup in Punjab but it’s a caretaking setup for PMLN.

The top bureaucracy of the province is PMLN affiliated as evident from the last night’s shuffle. That’s a shame. Not that but ‘affiliated bureaucracy’ is a shame. The primary characteristic of bureaucracy was supposed to be impartial. But that’s a characteristic.

A word based on character. Can’t be affiliated to our bureaucracy. Because affiliation is a must for rent seeking and profits.

Anyway. Punjab is under PMLN. Bureaucratically and administratively. Comprehensively.

If there was one lesson from Jinnah, it was parliamentary politics. Politics of pen and paper. Not agitation and quitting and non-cooperation.

Even when AIML had a decisive defeat in General Elections of India in 1937, Jinnah didn’t quit. He didn’t opt for street politics and useless agitation against Congress. When Congress resigned in 1939 – a blunder – there was nothing left but a fall for the quitters. AIML and Jinnah emerged as victorious in General Elections of India in 1945.

Even before that when Gandhi and Congress decided to support Muslims during Khilafat Movement (1919-24), Jinnah objected to ‘Non-Cooperation’. He wanted electoral and parliamentary politics instead of street agitation. The abrupt ending of that movement proved Jinnah was right.

Quoting Jinnah is easy. Having his badge on the collar is easier. But to learn something from his life practically is somehow a no for all the loudmouths.

So, here we are. Among a huge herd of idiots and duffers.

Quitting National Assembly was a dumb move. Quitting Punjab was a dumber move. Quitting KP was dumbest. All from the one idiot who has a pretty huge dumb following. With no strings of rationality attached.

If the word ‘idiot’ had a face, it would have been Imran Khan.

P.S. It is naïve of you if you are seeing a political cartel – like this current PDM – for the first time.

A few years back, PTI made a similar cartel / alliance to rule. It had PMLQ, MQM, BAP, AML, GDA, and various independents to form a government. They had Judiciary, Intelligence, and Military Establishment on their side as well.

You used to have goosebumps when a notorious businessman used to fly his plane to buy independents for Khan. Now you are in shock. Conveniently.

Today is a repetition of the past. Just because you don’t like the clown in charge now doesn’t mean that it’s the first ever circus in town.

All the moves IK had back then – when he used to win – were because of the military establishment on his side. Remember the Senate Elections? How the majority lost?

He wasn’t smart. He isn’t smart now. He was always an idiot. Back then his ‘nappies’ were changed. Now, he’s being ignored for another kid with nappies. Don’t pretend to be in shock. This is a repetition of a repetition.

Over and out.

Porn Ministry

On a serious note, why can’t we have an official Porn Ministry? Formally? Why to hide this competency behind leaks?

We can make. We can export. Content. And we can have Foreign Direct Investments too. Can attract big companies like… you know… hubs and tubes. This can work. We can be out of the debt trap which is becoming a dead trap.

Negotiating debt payments can be easier. Won’t have to beg. Wink. Bingo.

Adopt your weakness. Adapt. Nurture. And make it your strength.

Open your legs. And the world can be yours.

The Touch of Religion

Suri: Khan sb! Give some Islamic touch. Give example of Prophet Muhammad PBUH.

The music continued in the background. The DJ couldn’t evesdrop what the mic recorded conveniently. Even the equipment was conspiring against the Great Khan.

He listened. How could he miss that touch? He knew the importance. He knew religion is the key to success. Not action, but words can ignite the whole electorate. Even the whole country can be set ablazed with mere use of words.

IK: I… I… I am a follower of the Prophet PBUH.

The crowd – as expected – cheered. Suri was right. The moment was right. The words were right. Only the equipment wasn’t right. Or maybe too right to capture whispers.

They sell. They sell whatever they can. Some sell patriotism. Some sell philosphies of great history. Some sell blood. And some sell religion.

When politicians have no manifesto, no successfuly history, no political ideology, no long-term political insight; they offer other things. Be great again. Religion. Nationalism. Patriotism. Civilization. Whatever!

So, here we are. In a mess. Of idiots. And the only debate we have is who is the lesser evil. Choose! Red pill or blue pill. Where’s that pill? ECP?

Just like your marriages and past relationships are personal matters and shouldn’t be discussed – rightly – then religion holds the same place. It’s a personal matter.

The beliefs of your dentist doesn’t matter to you. The marriage of your contractor doesn’t matter to you. The philosophy of your driver doesn’t matter to you. What matter are their work and work ethics. But, sigh!

We have learned nothing from past. We don’t even learn from the religious hate being spread in India. We just love to play with fire. The fire which has burnt us so many times. In Sialkot. In Kot Radha Kishan. In Karachi. In Lahore. In Islamabad. In Quetta. In Peshawar. Everywhere!

I don’t care who you follow. Not my concern. My concern is your policies, your rule, your decisions, your options, your choices, your impact, and – above all – your words. Because you are representing a whole lot for a whole country.

So, listen carefully. Listen again. That touch, that evesdrop, is a clear message on what they sell, and how they sell. Beware!


Fuel for Thought

Billions are given to sugar mafia through subsidies.

Billions are given in huge support packages to development and land sectors. This was the only sector which was given billions during Covid-19; more than health itself. You already know why!

Billions are spent every year on official vehicles which roam freely in and around cities as thugs who care about nothing. By the way, bureaucrats are the true winners. They get oil in liters – litters – not in Rupees. So it doesn’t matter if its Rs.180 per liter. They know how to make the right policies, albeit for themselves.


Billions are spent every year on new weapons and new missiles for nothing. Even after achieving balance of power and deterrence, the necessity of defense budget never stabilizes. It always hurt people’s pocket, who get goosebumps in return on patriotism.

Billions are spent on privileges of judges, bureaucrats, army, ministers, secretaries, etc.

The simple worth of Military Businesses (MilBus) in Pakistan was over $20 billion in 2008. Must be around $50 billion today. Yet, billions from national exchequer are needed again and again and again.

And no one asks how and why and what for.

But give relief to the general public and they will count every penny and will keep on mentioning it every single day.

Give relief in petroleum and everyone will tweet about the damages the country is facing.

Give subsidy in metro / public transport and the whole bureaucracy will tell you how much they are bearing.

Funds for students of HEC are not being allocated properly. They are badly short of funds and are cutting students every year. This year, the situation is pretty alarming.

Same is the case of pensions – mind you, civil pensions, not military. They have made sure that the whole country knows that the biggest burden the country is facing is of pensions. You. Your old folks. Because they can’t handle you.

These white-collar-thieves tell you about Rs.1 when it comes to onions, tomatoes and potatoes. Rs.1/-.

They have press briefings on how they are managing to give relief of Rs.5/- in flour or Rs.8 in rice.

They make you feel like beggars. But then, they call you out and make you feel like kings and queens around the elections, and the euphoria is so high with the beat and the music that you don’t get it.

Why don’t you get it?
When will you get it?
Why you are such an idiot?

Services by the Government are services on behalf of people for people by the people. No one expects a return / profit on military services. Because it’s a service. Try to think same way for public transport, health and education as well. At least.

You are not the burden. They are the burden.
You don’t need IMF. They need IMF.
Your pension, your fuel, your public transport, your education and your health are not the burden.
Their vehicles, their fuel, their privileges, their developments, their lands, their bailouts, their reliefs, their theft, their wars, their lust for blood; these are the real burden.

His Highness isn’t pleased with this Rs.30 increase in fuel. Not into arguments. We all know the shit when it comes to us. But the thing is: this is going to haunt the lower strata really badly, which is already suffering under hyper-inflation.

Charismatic without Ethos, Pathos & Logos

The followers were happy when he entered through help. But they became extremely angry when he was asked to leave through the same corridors.

The followers became radicals. Already radicalized became a cult. Suddenly they started to see missing people and silencing of voices too.

But they couldn’t see logic or reason.

The speeches are the same. Without ethos, pathos and logos.

Yet the followers are electrified. What was the outcome of the last 3.5 years? No questions.

What are the achievements? Ah! and Ums!

What about meeting Americans now? Shut up.

What is the offer? Any change of plan? Any new finance minister to market like Asad Umar? No.

Did killers of Shaiwal massacre were given justice or were they silenced like Model Town incident? Or do you have only Jokhio at hand to play your political games?

Were you not ‘blackmailed’ twice? One recently by the opposition and establishment. And the other time by the dead bodies of Hazara.

Was DPO of Pakpattan not changed on personal grudges? Didn’t your own star IG of police resign because of your own hypocrite policies?

Did Balochistan or Hazara or any marginalized society felt safer in your tenure?

Were parents of APS massacre given voice? Or justice? Or some room?

Wasn’t Ehsan Ullah Ehsan freed in your tenure?

Did we achieve anything for Kashmir or was it just a political game?

Kashmir went to India without a hurdle when you went to the US. Wasn’t that a conspiracy?

Did you ever voiced for Muslims of Yemen or Uighurs, or were they ignored because of your ‘sovreign foreign policy’? Didn’t you support Arabia against Yemen militarily?

Corruption went down or reached new heights in your 3.5 years? Wasn’t ‘corruption’ the mantra? It is even a slogan now.

Did you bring back $200 billion corruption money? Did you categorically and clearly put a single bureaucrat or political behind bars? Or did you play the game with your corrupt men against their corrupt men and hence, no one was taken to the cleaners in the end?

How many ordinances were promulgated by your President? Wasn’t that the worst era of ordinances, beating martial laws too?

Offers are like a populist fascist. Religion. Superiority. Greatness. Propaganda. I. Me. I. Me.

I know there is no substitute. I know the cliché of “lesser evil” but that is not even the case here. It’s the exact same evil with higher velocity of madness and propaganda.

Yet, the crowd is here without questions. Just following a persona, a charisma.

The times they are a-changin’. The world has a number of such leaders today who brush logic and reasoning under the carpet and no one sees or asks.

One – Modi – is in the neighborhood too.

And the followers of one idiot don’t like the followers of another idiot. Playing with the same sentiments of religion, nationalism, and superiority. Abusing each other. In the mirror. Forever and ever.

Without ethos, pathos, and logos.

P.S. In the end, no one matters except boys. Remember RTS? Daska? Any other election? Good!

Perween Rahman’s Karachi

Parween Rehman tried to do – and did to a valuable extent – which we cannot even think of because we are too cowardly and lazy to be a fierce warrior like her.

Apart from development issues, her main struggle was for water for the poor neighborhood of Orangi in Karachi. And what did she get? Bullets. She fought for Karachi and Karachi killed her. As easy as in Balochistan.

The mismanagement – of water, nullahs, land, and buildings like Nasla Towers – are all rooted in the bureaucracy of Karachi. The babus who came and sat on the district and provincial administration of Karachi, have ruined Karachi. They made water a tradable business. Stole water from the poor and then sold it in tranches in trucks.

Perween’s investigation revealed that over 160 illegal hydrants were operating in Karachi, which was over 41% of water of the city, stolen from the poor neighborhoods. That was 270 million gallons a day. That was like a $500 million business per year.

This is an organized nexus, managed through fear. With PPP in power (since 2007) in Sindh and MQM having a fair share of power in Karachi, the system works with a nexus of bureaucracy – which includes administrative services of the city and top echelon of police. These are suited-booted robbers who love lecturing us, and have made this whole cartel against public through public offices. Blood is spilled regularly. Unidentified murderers. Ambulances rush. Postmortems are done. And then mothers and wives spend the rest of their lives in pain and terror.

A while back, Rangers came to halt this, apparently. People were killed by men in uniform as ruthlessly as police. Both the uniforms worked hand in hand against public. Things got even worse when Rao Anwar came to the surface with 444 encounters. Grasp this. 444 murders. Even Supreme Court succumbed to his tactics because he was a boy of the Boys.

While blood never dries in the city, people wait for days for water. Sometimes, water pumps are opened weekly, and sometimes fortnightly. While the rulers of the city are busy in toppling the rulers in the capital, no one is in-charge of the mess. Because those who cared are either murdered (like Perween Rehman) or already buried (like Bilquis Edhi) by the city.


4 steps to greatness:

Pre-requisite: Tasbih. It’s handy.

Step 1: Make a story that West is against you and America has purchased traitors to oust your government.

Step 2: Sell it. Market it. Advertise it daily. Tell people your life is in danger too.

Step 3: Use Constitution to breach Constitution and dissolve the government. Do what America was trying to do. Oust yourself. Conquer your fear.

Step 4: Back to Step 2. Sell and market yourself. Daily. Take fake phone calls. Quote Medina, Islam, Hussain, Rumi, and whoever you know. Keep speaking.


Idiots before Step 3: West is trying to oust the government of Pakistan.

Idiots after Step 3: Khan has ousted the government himself. One ball, three wickets.



Government: America tried to change the government of Pakistan.

Russia: Yes.

America: No.

China: What?

Sheikh Rasheed: What?

ISI: What is happening?

Mian Channu: Nothing. Keep recording tapes. Who with who for how long…

Gill: Randi!

Deputy Speaker: Article 5. All rise! All sit! Leave!

Opposition: Let’s play. Ayaz! Sit and make me the PM.

PM: A country, America, Oh! Haha! WTF! Not America! Yes, America!

Aurat March: Is he insane?

Shireen: See! Foreign powers are after me?

Idiots: [cheering with dance moves]

PM: You topple me? I topple myself.

Idiots: Check-mate! Kaptaan!

UK: What mate?

Fawad: Foreign powers. Foreign powers. Foreign powers.

America: You just did what we were supposed to do?

Qureshi: Raymond Davis!

[a creak among the woods of Margalla… hogs with wigs rising from slumber… and big bellies… Suo Moto]

Judge: You don’t wake us up on a lazy Sunday after a sneezy Saturday, where we match bellies and wigs with all the vulgarities of the capital. We need time…

Gill: Dallay!

Judge: What?

Gill: Oh! Allow me to explain linguistics at my home your honor!

Epilogue of Naya (Beta Version 2)

I promised you new homes. 5 lac. 5 million. So, here I bring you my finest offer – ex-Chief Justice Gulzar of Pakistan – who took homes by cranes and the residents by trousers.

Gee Gulzar sb! Aik ghazal?

Welcome to Youthopia.
This is your home.
I know geography.

Nothing Permanent & Nothing Personal

William Clay said, “This is quite a game, politics. There are no permanent enemies, and no permanent friends, only permanent interests.”

Don Vito Corleone said, “Keep your friends close, but enemies closer.”

Nicolo Machiavelli wrote a whole book ‘The Prince’ on this topic. This all is nothing personal, strictly business.

So, opponents of Khan must be rejoicing at the moment that he has taken a U-turn regarding Chaudhary. Same can be said for PMLN who are friends with PPP at the moment and vice versa. All these parties, including all their individual parliamentarians, have done something similar in past.

Changing parties.
Changing friends.
Changing enemies.

And it’s ok.

The thing is an ideology should be there to stand intact. And yes, our political parties and their men don’t have an ideology. A little difference in shade, and they are exactly the same. That’s the ugly problem.

Jinnah had an ideology. He was in Congress. Then he became ambassador of Hindu-Muslim Unity and stood with both Congress and Mulsim League. Then he bycotted both during Non-cooperation Movement. Then he stood with Muslim League for Muslim Representation in United India. And then, way down the line of history, he opted for Pakistan. Can you lable him with U-turns too? NO.

All this while he had AN IDEOLOGY. He had a VISION and he stood – with others or without others – for that ideology only. He even left politics of India and went to England because his ideology was in contrast to the political environment at home.

Sadly, we don’t have a single ideological leader today.

I – His Highness – will stand with anyone for civil supremacy, equal rights, democracy, and rule of law. I am anti-establishment and anti-milbus to the core. That’s all. For that, I will stand – or sit – with anyone down the road.

Now crossing the floor; which is also acceptable. Pretty much allowed by the constitution. Winston Churchill had also benefited from this practice. You cannot label it bad or good just because of your bias.

When Tareen was gathering these ducks in plane, it had a meaning for you. Today, it is disgraceful. No. It’s actually the same thing and only your bias is making it painful. Again, it’s pretty much constitutional. Change it, amend it, or bear it.

That’s pretty much it. Jokes apart, Khan didn’t do wrong in appointing Chaudhary as the next candidate for Punjab, because it’s politics. Chaudhary will remain a vomit nonetheless, who has been vomited in reverse by all the political parties.

U-turns have been taken by all. Khan just has to swallow a lot more because he speaks a lot and that’s because ‘speaking’ is his Unique Selling Point (USP). He called people to Islamabad for Trump Card and offered them nothing, yet crowd went home happily.

One sad thing though is Khan’s ego. He had a majority in both provincial assemblies of KPK and Punjab. And just to sit on PM’s seat in Federal, he is messing two giant provincial governments as well. His ego is one major reason that PTI is crubming in provinces.

Lastly – really – these are puppets without an ideology or a vision. A new combo is made by military after every decade, which is a mixture of different combos, to fight the previous combo, for interests of military business.

Bhutto came through the door of Ayub. Nawaz and MQM through Zia. Chaudries through Musharraf. And Khan through Pasha and Faiz. None of these combinations were democratic or civil. None of them. Those who stood against this practice – like Fatima Jinnah – were insulted, disgraced and eliminated.

The new setup will also be a combo of current defaulters. And you will be sitting in front of your television justifying the new odds of the same old ducklings.

Enjoy the show. The casting is shitty but the content is captivating. You wake-up to something stupid everyday. What else you want in life? Democracy?

Clowns for Clowns

If you are supporting any political party right now – be it PTI, PPP, PMLN, PLMQ, MQM, JUF or TLP – you are more into submission than into conscientiousness.

His Highness is for civil supremacy; be it any form attained through parliamentary politics. Anti-establishment and anti-milbus. And none of these parties are up to this.

All these parties have changed their stances 180 degrees various times. Right now, they are all licking boots and vomiting in reverse and blaming each other for exactly the same thing.

They have no ideology except to come into power.
They have no manifesto.
They have nothing to offer except swapping faces.
They have nothing except overused ideas and slogans.

This is an embarrassing situation. It’s a lose-lose.

Whatever the outcome, public will be the loser. Including those dancing on roads and trucks at the moment.

Clowns for clowns.