Conversation in Hell

Government is corrupt. It isn’t spending on public welfare. Vote for us.

Situation is worse than we anticipated. Because past governments were corrupt.

We know that. That’s why we elected you.


Elected by general public. Us.

Selected. By General. Not public. Us.

Ok! We don’t care. Tell us where to put our concerns?

In your ass.

Civil Service:
The proposal may be considered for further process in the matter.

Language! We may ban you. Tube.

And books too.

And criticism too.

Money-trail too.

Agreed! Money trail too.

Ban reproduction altogether.

Civil Service:
The proposal may be considered for further process in the matter.

Oh for fuck sake!

Don’t you dare talk like that. You can leave the country if you don’t like it.

I have.

Oh! You coward! Come back and talk like a man.

Should I leave or should I come back?

Civil Service:
The proposal may be considered for further process in the matter.

Michael Jackson:
All I wanna say that they don’t really care about us.

Aren’t you dead?

Michael Jackson:
Yes. You are dead too.

Is it graveyard? Isn’t it Pakistan?

Michael Jackson:
Yes. Yes. Welcome.

Eternal peace.

Civil Service:
The proposal may be considered for further process in the matter.

No it doesn’t. It’s eternal piece.

Land of pure.


Matiullah happened because Saleem Shehzad didn’t matter.

Saleem Shahzad happened because Balochistan didn’t matter.

Balochistan happened because thousands didn’t matter.

Thousands happened because you didn’t speak.

And if you won’t speak, nothing will matter. Until your father. Your brother. Your son. And you will be alone.

Just when they should have been vulnerable after CPEC Bajwa’s assets, they came out more violently. Ruthlessly. Without a hindrance. Without a shame. Because we don’t matter. Remember 55% didn’t matter in 1971?

Jallianwala Bagh won’t happen. Babrra won’t happen. One by one, thousands will be evaporated, and nothing will happen.

It’s time for you to speak for the people and not the state.
Because state is for people. People are not for state.
And without people, state is a barren land. Useless.
Just like us.


No minus-one is going to happen. Not in Federal. Not in Punjab. With all the mess around and all the civil posts under non-civils, it’s not even needed. No need to change the diapers.
Extended Bajwa and Faez – not our Faiz – came and smiled while the PM was gibbering at Diamer-Basha Dam. A nod. A smile. All good.
Retired Bajwa – CPEC boy – suffered on Twitter. But the herd came on time and defended the defenders. But that’s not my problem. My problem is different.
Firstly, I cannot differentiate between a Toyota and a Honda without seeing their logos. So, as you can guess, I didn’t know about Toyota ZX. I know about FX though.
Secondly, when I read the cost of Rs.3 million, I was like this is less than his current monthly salary. Why so serious then? And then – another then – I saw the actual cost of Toyota ZX. Over Rs.3 crores.
And crux of my problem is, even if someone will offer me a brand new Toyota ZX for Rs.3 million, I wouldn’t be able to purchase it. My evolutionary solution is; I don’t need that. I am Jack’s broken heart.
Don’t be selfish.
They are awake, when you are asleep.
When you are asleep, they take your stuff.
They take your stuff; you go into Stockholm syndrome.
And Stockholm is beautiful.
So. No minus-one needed. All is good.
On the other hand, we took Faez – our Faez Isa – to the cleaners. We unskinned him and took all the measures to make him look ugly and questionable. Why? Because he questioned the unquestioned. Because he did what Twitter tried on Retired Bajwa. Because he stood corrected. Our Faez.
Even after stripping him naked, he stood tall. Without an army behind. Without an intelligence to manipulate. Without a moral brigade on social media.
Before twitter, there was a woman named Dr. Ayesha Siddiqua. She wrote a book and become a certified traitor. In her ‘Military Inc.’ (2007), she detailed the business empire of the military. Which is like a spider-web. She estimated ‘MilBus’ (military business) of being worth £10 billion. She said boys have 12% of the country’s land. That was in 2007.
You can browse Eliot Wilson’s article on Spectator for more details. Or you can read the book: Military Inc. by Dr. Ayesha Siddiqua. And then you can become despicable too.
Or you can abuse those who ask questions. In that case, you don’t need to read or analyze or be a sane man. You don’t even need a mind. Your dumbness would be enough.
That’s all a state needs – when it’s a security state.
That’s all a religion needs – when it’s in danger.
There was East India Company before. Now there is West Pakistan Company. Or Pakistan Company. Because there is no East anymore. High 5!
Shut up!

Our Chomsky and their Hoodbhoy

Noam Chomsky is a linguist and a philosopher. He’s a renowned expert in his field and is loved by his students across America. But that’s not all. He is known worldwide because of his whistle-blowing and political activism. A heretic, a rebel; who criticizes American hegemony vehemently. He regularly opinionates against militarism, violence, capitalism and discrimination.

His educational work / career remains unhindered regardless of his critical views against the state. He has a strong influence – deservingly – in both education and politics.

In Pakistan, we love Noam Chomsky. We love to quote him. We use his words as a reference particularly in the Palestine-Israel conflict. He is ‘our’ intellectual hero who has exposed all the devils of the world. We just love him.


Brace for impact. We are landing. In the land of pure… hypocrisy.

We have a similar heretic and rebellious professor here. Pervez Hoodhboy. He is a physicist and has degrees from MIT. And like Chomsky, he keeps on expressing his political views. He never hesitates to expose corruption around him. Just last year, he unveiled corruption of millions of rupees in government universities.

But we hate him. We hate him to the extent that we have thrown him out of the university. We don’t want him to teach rationality and modern sciences to our kids.

Because light makes us blind.

We doubt his credentials. As well as his sanity. We doubt his words. As well as his loyalty.

We have tagged him too. Haroon Rasheed – who loves to vomit live on TV – has recently ‘revealed’ Hoodhboy is an American agent. Alas! Here we are. Since the beginning.

Agents. Traitors. From Fatima Jinnah to Bacha Khan to Walli Khan to Marri to Suhrawardy to G. M. Syed to Mujeeb to Bugti to Faiz Ahmad Faiz to Jalib and hundreds of others to those abducted to those in unidentified graves to you and to me.

We have foreign heroes. Arundhati Roy. Edward Snowden. Jullian Assange. Daniel Ellsberg. Chelsea Manning. And Noam Chomsky. Astoundingly, we hate the same minds at home. Like Asma Jahangir. Eqbal Ahmed. Tariq Ali. Ammar Ali Jan. And Pervez Hoodhboy.

We lost one half in 1971. Because 55% of the population was of traitors. So – fortunately or unfortunately – majority decided to part ways. That is too a comic. Because it was the first time in history when majority decided to find a separate homeland after getting tired of stubborn minority.


We are firing teachers. Not like we are firing bullets. But literally. We are firing all the men we doubt. Because credentials and PhDs are guttered when loyalty is doubted. After all, that’s the whole idea behind a successful marriage.

Our hypocrisy and ‘corrected’ history have brought us here. Here.

Dissent is a beauty of any living society. You may disagree, but you defend the right to express. I disagree with Hoodbhoy on certain points, but I know; he knows how to hit the cord where it hurts the most. And the cord is of truth. Brutal truth.

And other times I just feel sad for him. He is fighting for more than 3 decades for sanity. He could have moved abroad. Very easily. But he stood here. And decided to fight against the holy cows – mullah, judiciary and establishment – along with their herd of 22 crore sheep.

Edwin Markham poem “Outwitted” says:

He drew a circle that shut me out-

Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.

But love and I had the wit to win:

We drew a circle and took him In!

Kids – From Pakistan to Kashmir to Afghanistan

Two stories. Of violence. Of gun-shots. Of state-terrorism.
But that’s not the point.
In one story, a whole family was brutally attacked by the state. Killing half of the family right in front of the remaining half. In broad day-light.
Those who were going to a marriage hall, ended up in a morgue. Those who were going to play with kids, were out-played by the state guns.
But even that’s not the point.
Point is hypocrisy.
You have been nurtured and brainwashed. Even your DNA must have compromised.
You saw the other kid – not our kid – in Kashmir. Traumatized by the Indian state. The kid sitting over his dead nana’s chest, in blood.
So, you wept. You took the pain personally. You highlighted the case. Took it internationally. Tweeted it to the foreign news agencies.
Back home, our kids suffered without justice.
Back home, everything remained normal after the massacre.
Back home, all the culprits and perpetrators were freed.
In Sahiwal massacre, 4 were killed by state bullets, including a 13-year old girl. 2 kids witnessed the whole episode.
But for the Kashmiri kid, we want justice. We want the world to take a strict notice. We want the world to bomb the hell out of the killers.
For the Kashmir kid.
Ignoring our Pakistani kids.
Oh! epiphany. Remember “two-legged dogs”?
Hundreds of children were killed in drone strikes in Afghanistan. Guess who provided the sites / stations for the drones? Don’t weep. Keep mourning.
Those were all kids. Those kids in Pakistan, in Kashmir, in India, in Afghanistan… were kids. They all suffered equally in the hands of ugly state narratives. Be it any state.
What matters is your domain. Your domain starts from your home and your street. So, if you were numb a year back, you are just being hypocrite now. Even your pain political.
Mourn. But mourn without political affiliation and national bias.