Mint Margarita

One of the biggest modern day robberies in restaurants is of Mint Margarita. They charge as if they are offering Margaret with the Mint. Prices are like Rs.300 or Rs.400 per glass. Some places offer the same for over Rs.500.

All it has is iced water, mint, 7-Up and lemon. Some may add salt. That’s all. After some sips, there’s only ice hitting your brain more than your thirst. But people are obsessive about this particular drink.

Same goes with the lime water. A little cheaper than Mint Margarita but more or less, it’s nothing but a robbery.

Anyway, one has to drink something. Even water isn’t at regular price when you are inside. But still, it’s water. It is what it is. Like – or unlike – Coke.

Dear consumers! There’s no Margaret with Mint Margarita. It’s just iced mint. Stop being obsessive about it. Her.

American Murders

After Alex Murdaugh’s sentencing, one thing that comes in mind is that even though human history is full of murders but something isn’t right in America right now.

Here’s an epiphany:

Robbers and thieves murder for food or wealth. They have a reason or motivation, sometimes accidentally; but they do it to gain something or to remove the witness.

Some murder for revenge. A clear motivation.

Some murder to hurt a particular person. Another clear motivation.

And there can be other reasons. All wrong but there is always something behind the ugly action.

But America’s recent history of murders – and mass murders – is insane. Convictions have shown that murderers murder for fun there. Murder to taste blood. Murder for the sake of murder only. No clear motivation. No revenge. Nothing. Just murder. For fun.

Like the recent case of Bryan Christopher Kohberger who stabbed and murdered 4 students.

And some, when they aren’t caught, goes into a habit until they are caught. For example, in a small Muslim community of Albuquerque, New Mexico, a man is killed every once in a while and murderer is yet to be caught as there is no dot to connect between the random murders, except the pattern of murdering.

Maybe it is something like rape when rapists don’t enforce themselves on others for sexual pleasure but to show power.

Remember that serial rapist Marc O’Leary? He did once. Didn’t get caught. So he went into this habit and was only caught accidentally. Sexual pleasure was secondly for him.

School shootings are usual news in the US. Kids are perhaps as much unsafe there as they are in Afghanistan. Other countries wake up from slumber when their schools are targeted and the US is still debating about freedom of guns and bullets.

Anyway. It’s insane. America is giving tough time to Russia and China at global level, but deep down the society at individual level is scary as hell.

As if every murderer there is an American Psycho – who is into murders and executions just for fun or addiction.

It’s debatable. This epiphany. But if something is wrong with a murder anywhere, then something is insanely wrong with murders in America.

Russia’s War

Russia attacked Ukraine in Feb 2022. It’s September 2022. Ukraine is yet to be conquered. Or defeated. How embarrassing is that for the not-so-red army?

Let me rephrase.

Russia has the biggest arsenal of A-Bombs. It spends around $70 billion annually on its military with active personnel of over 1 million and over 2 million in reserve. This country has its own R&D in weapons and is a provider of tanks, jets and weapons to the world.

In comparison to that, Ukraine has an annual military budget of less than $5 billion with zero A-Bombs. It has less than 0.2 million active personnel and less than 1 million in reserve. And it doesn’t export war weapons or equipment at a massive scale.

Right now, Russia is considering the import of weapons from North Korea. Yes, it is embarrassing.

Just recently, the Ukrainian army was able to re-capture lands from the Russian army. The tussle between one of the biggest vs one of the smallest is not ending any time soon.

Now visualize how stupid you are.

There is another country that has weapons of mass destructions. A-Bombs. Arsenals. Depots. Long-range and short-range missiles. One of the biggest armies. One of the finest air forces. Navy. Everything. Yet the country remains an insecure state – internally and externally.

Two choppers can penetrate around 200-km and operate, kill and go back out of a military city, yet no one bothers. The largest province can fall under the fate of collateral damage, yet nothing shakes. Dig the earth and out come missing bodies. Or you may land on a landmine and the ashes of your body may spread in the air with the wind blowing from east to west…  because humans are insecure.

This insecure state goes into talks with their bloody foes every once in a while, to be in conflict again, again and again, so that people won’t be able to forget 144 or 444, and the holy war of blood continues forever. And ever. This goes on and on because you are myopic with the least idea of history of mankind. Of any kind.

When flood comes, we have nothing to offer. We let the bodies float. Their homes. Their crops. And their whole existence and decades to come. We beg the world for help. Because we have utilized all our funds already on least important priorities. The Finance Miftah has already taken the last bite from not-yet-drowned struggling lives. For him too, priorities are based on taxing those who are barely surviving.  

The world order has changed. It is not about territorial gains anymore. It is about capitalism, MNCs, wealth, technology, education and smartness. America left Afghanistan because it was expensive to sit on a land which has absolutely nothing to offer to humankind. Idiots think that America lost in Afghanistan. Well, the loser has an American Dream that every fragile ego wants to dream while the winner has yet to see a railway track or a proper school. Twisted idiots.

Ukraine is an example that reveals how brainwashed you are. You already have enough to defend against a giant army. You already have enough to defend against anyone. Your insecurity and all the internal follies and the games with blood are all related to certain duffers on the top who are addicted to vampirism. Even in the worst of economic times, the deep state made sure that their funds won’t suffer. Let the whole country suffer. When the whole country suffers, the whole country shall look for boys. Then boys shall come. In choppers. Throwing food. Man-o-salwa. Play this on repeat.

See how stupid you are?

You need unbureaucratic institutions. A human version of police. Non-political military in barracks with scrutiny. Highly funded R&D. Science based schools, colleges, and universities. Liberal arts. Acceptance. Rationality. And a little minding of your own fuckin’ business without poking your circumcised brain in every other belief system.


Her majesty is gone.
Took too long.
His Majesty has taken the throne.
And you have His Highness all along.

Everything rhymes these days. Cool.

By the way, the actual hero who died in recent days was Mikhail Gorbachev of Russia who ruled from 1985 to 1991. He stopped the red bloodshed and made smooth transition to peace after fall of Soviet Union. He was way ahead of his time and was not blamed for corruption even by his enemies.

Even the strongests die. Doesn’t matter. Everyone dies. What matters is how you lived and loved. Here, in this part of the world, we die randomly. Random incidents and accidents. Flood has taken a whole generation to decades back where people have to start struggling and living their lives from point zero.

Maybe, someday, we will start valuing LIFE here, which is as vulnerable as a dream but as impactful as a bad nightmare.

Random Numbness – Hated Ideas and Nostalgia

Cold War between America and USSR made the way to space. Just to attack each other’s capital at a distance of 7,816-km through rockets, the two went up in the air. Up, up, Until space. And then moon. Cold War is the reason that world is getting into the extended universe today. Interstellar.

Capitalism is the reason people have stuff. So much stuff, inside and out. Cars. Mobiles. Laptops. Clothes. Shoes. And hundreds of unnecessary things. Capitalism has offered cheap fast food 24/7. Globalization and McDonalization. You can tap your screen and anything will be at your doorstep at a pretty competitive price. The connected world through smartphones and internet at almost ZERO charges (as you are the product in such cases) is a blessing (in disguise) of capitalism. No more expensive calls or long awaited letters.

Colonialism had its own givings. Rails reached all across the world from UK within three decades only because of colonialism. The tracks were constructed in Africa and Asia which failed to expand after colonialism collapsed. Afghanistan has none even today.

Colonialism is also a reason that world have maps today. When Europeans sailed into oceans to find and conquer new worlds, they made maps. East India Company gave India its first accurate and comprehensive map. The same colonizers found heritage sites like Harappa and Mohenjo-Daro which were nothing of concern for locals.

Colonialists came with technology. They built dams and dug canals. Made new cities with new businesses and banks. Some of the giant cities of South Asia were established / expanded by the British Raj; including Karachi, Calcutta and Mumbai. Our tourism hotspot – Murree – has also a colonial history. Every major city of South Aisa has Raj’s monuments, schools, universities, hospitals, roads, bridges, tracks, museums, libraries, etc.

Spanish Colonialists went to North and South America and made their ways there. All the colonizers were cruel and unsympathetic, no disagreement. They annihilated some of the oldest tribes in America, Australia, Africa and New Zealand. There is not a single New Zealander aboriginal alive today.

New Zealand didn’t even exist for humans as no one reached there till 800 years ago. Today, we have Kiwis who lose finals in Cricket and Lord of the Rings.

Darwin and his theory of evolution also resulted through colonization. He was part of a sailing mission to find and conquer new world. European colonizers used to set voyages with scientists, botanists, etc. So came Darwin in one of the voyages of Royal Navy. He collected and studied species across the world for years and thus evolved Darwinism.

A thousand years back, Asians ruled the world, Europeans didn’t count, and America didn’t exist. People feared the giant armies of Asian Empires, particularly of Arab, Turkish, and Chinese. But they were least innovative and had no thirst of finding new worlds beyond oceans. They just wanted to rule Asia.

For example, gunpowder was innovated in China. For 600 years, it was used in fireworks only, and no one thought to use it as a weapon. But then, one day, Constantinople’s walls were bombarded by gunpowder by Turks. Fateh!

Anyway, when Europe was thirsting around the world and finding America and Australia, Asia was busy fighting Asians. When Europe was rising from ashes with ships, warships, companies, banks, royal armies, scientists, innovation, rails, and technology; Asians had swords and elephants. Soon, Asian giants succumbed to mere couple of hundreds of Europeans. A few intelligent and cunning colonizers conquered the rich world of Indus and Ganges.

Such is the history of the world. Cruel.

No one talks about the Russian soldier who was wounded in snow when Napoleon came. We don’t even know the history of common people and their sufferings. We know the history of emperors and empires only. Only fiction based on true events told us some actual stories. War & Peace of Leo Tolstoy told us that the wounded soldier staring the sky was Andrei Nikolayevich Bolkonsky. Relax! It’s a fictional character. Just like Zia of A Case of Exploding Mangoes. Pun intended!

After all, fiction is the powerful imagination of the unheard.

Greed made every single product around us. Capitalism made this whole world of today. We were going to be a century back (comparatively, not genuinely) without capitalism. Wars made new empires. Empires made nations. Nations bacame states. States give us goosebumps today with looney-tunes on parade days.

And then the system brainwashes you. Let me give you an example.

Mass transit is a system for public. A service. There can be debates and disagreements but the state makes you think that it’s a burden on nation. The service is not generating enough revenues and is running on government support on taxpayers money. And you forget, you are the taxpayer and it’s a service for you. You keep your eyes close on huge useless military budgets. You have no questions for fencing and unfencing of the border. You have no issue on hundreds of billions utilized on houses of generals, governors, ministers, bureaucrats and their luxury kitchens and cars and roads to their homes; but, metro is a burden. And you debate these burdens with your friends. This is the system and you just keep on playing as a pawn for the queen.

Nothing catchy in homeland. Any homeland It’s just the business of the riches that makes you a patriot. Or a traitor.

By the way, are you a fan of Shahrukh Khan? Haven’t seen a human-brand bigger than him. The tunes of his songs takes us back to late 90s and early 00s. Nostalgic compositions of A. R. Rehman, the finest one after R. D. Burman.

Easy! It’s Random Numbness. SRK can have a cameo appearance anytime.

90s had its nostalgic charm. Telephones were there but no smartphones. Computers but no laptops. CDs and DVDs were the game changers but VCRs and casettes were alive. Marriages were organized mostly on streets. And 80s. 70s. 40s. 1800s. As Sylvia Plath wrote, “I’m nostalgic for a place that doesn’t exist. I’m homesick for lips I’ve never kissed.

Nothing serious. His Highness didn’t post anything new for last some weeks. So, here is this Random Numbness on ideas / ideologies we hate but these ideas / ideologies shaped us. And the world around us.

Ending this with John Lennon:

Keep you doped with religion and sex and TV,
And you think you’re so clever and classless and free.
But you’re still fucking peasants as far as I can see,
A working class hero is something to be.

Random Numbness (June 2020)

Mere Pakistanio! We don’t have a simple plan. We have business plan. Plans. Locust is business too. Boys are on it and I trust them. At least with revenues.
I came to know that Ehsan Ullah is not in Turkey but in Islamabad. You don’t need to worry. He’s in safe hands. Like Rao Anwar. But you are pissed off. Right? So?
Quaid-e-Azam said, “You are free; you are free to go to your parks. You are free to go to your malls or to any other places of contracting the virus in this state of Pakistan. You may belong to any religion, caste or creed – that has nothing to do with the business of the state.”
How can I go against Quaid’s plan? How can I go against ‘business of the state’? You need to understand that.
With so many economic challenges around the world, I came with a plan. For poor and needy people. Catch locust and sell it for Rs.15/kg. This is the same rate of land acquisitions for DHA and Bahria and Fazaia.
Fazaia se yaad aya Faiza beauty cream is racist. And it doesn’t even work.
Doctors are crying. Complaining as usual. For PPEs and stuff. Such a shame that we have these unpatriotic doctors with no sense of nationalism. I don’t even consider them front-line warriors. In fact, I don’t consider them at all. They don’t even exist for me.
Who would have asked for this and that in war time? Pathetic!
When we sent PPEs to USA, they cried even more. No empathy. No sympathy.
Meanwhile, have you seen the audacity of Bangladesh? The little kids sent us medicine. Well, I don’t consider it a good gesture. These-crying-little-victims-of-1971 have nothing to offer us except blames. Look at them at what they have lost. They would have been celebrating May 28th a few days back but they chose medicine overall missiles.
Mere dumb Pakistanio! I know we are waiting for two things at the moment. Next episode of Ertugrul and the vaccine. Well, Ertugrul will be on time. For vaccine, these lazy scientists have to find something yet. And even if they will, what guarantees success?
Polio has a vaccine.
And we have polio.
You getting the point na?
See what’s happening in the US. The police brutality has taken a toll over blacks. At least we are not facing this issue. Blacks are safe here. Also, we never let people out in masses. Our security forces are always ready to cover the dark state. I would ask Trump to get a hold of himself and impose martial law. Immediately.
And look at Rome, Tokyo, Madrid, New York, London, Delhi, Red Light Areas of Amsterdam. Apart from perpetrators, there is nothing to be seen. And here, in Pakistan – let me be precise – even Heera Mandi is fully operational and treating the visitors like usual.
Mere Pakistanio!
Ap ne ghabrana nahi hai. Boys and I are on everything. Home Department, AG, IG, CPEC, Information, PIA, WAPDA, NDMA, PTV, CAA, Anti-Narco, FPSC, PDMA, PM Housing Authority, SUPARCO, POF and various other departments and authorities are now disciplined.
With goose-step every morning, all are attentive and uniformed departments. You cannot believe, but no other democratic government ever achieved this.
You voted us. No you didn’t. But yes you did. After all, Hitler was elected too. Ha ha! That was humor.
Let me end this with Iqbal’s couplet;
Subh-e-azal yeh mujh se kaha General nay
Jo aqal ka ghulam ho, wo dil na qabool ker

Wanna-Be Warriors against Covid-19

Two Black Hawk Helicopters took flight from Jalalabad (Afghanistan). Reached Abottabad. Executed a brutal operation for around 40 minutes. And flew back to Afghanistan.

Those who couldn’t detect that, are spying on Covid-19 suspects. Imagine the irony.

Let’s look at it another way. Let’s ‘assume’ they knew about the operation. And were part of the plan: to feel without moaning. And they did as were told.

But doesn’t the second case make it even more deplorable?

No. Let’s take the first-case. And behave! They didn’t know.

But irony sustains.

I remember when a judge inquired ‘them’ about a guy who was abducted for weeks without a proper trial. And they said that they were unable to unlock the laptop.

Irony. Sustains.

And Ehsan Ullah Ehsan. Those who were ‘unable’ to keep an ugly terrorist in custody, are trying to portray as frontline warriors against a pandemic. Or maybe, the ‘escape’ was… Behave!

Such irony.

Pimps. Sold Jihad. Sold religion. Sold people. Sold blood. Sold narrative. Sold every single thing they could sell.

Even our history is ironic. For example in 71, majority got tired of minority and decided to separate ways. Let me rephrase. Majority. Got tired. Of minority. And founded another country.


A question: Why duffers are always referred as ‘intelligence’?

The virus had at least taught the world who the actual frontline warriors are. The doctors. Not the duffers.

All they want is to portray themselves alongside the doctors. All they want is to keep the stage. To be relevant. To be the frontline warriors. However, they have always been the backstage dealers.

Anyway. With all the precautionary paradoxes and the PM and his team and Tariq Jameel and his tears and the intelligence and all the puppets of the uniform disguising a civil rule… we don’t need to panic.

Covid-19 is in safe hands.

An Ideal Time

Have you thought at what time in history – present actually – this virus has spread throughout the world? Well, at an ideal time.

The vaccine isn’t here yet. It will take time. Best case: summer 2021. So, you have to wait.

You always cried for family time, right? So here it is!
Fasten your seatbelt. Because you aren’t going anywhere. And you won’t be able to. By the time it ends, you will have eaten up the loads of stored food and your belly would be swollen and your knees won’t be able to bear a hippo, you big fat f…


When a virus attacks, your body fights. This earth – motherland – was consistently being attacked by us, so it has retaliated. Perhaps it’s my illusionary-pessimistic-self talking. But anyway, considering your family life constant, it feels good. Doesn’t it?

When the patient starts to recover, it feels good. The mother earth is recovering. AQI index of ugliest cities are at par with cleanest cities around the world. The air we are breathing now wasn’t available for over two decades.

Petrol consumption is at its lowest. As is water consumption due to closed industries.

Other than that, crime rate has plummeted globally. How many kids have been saved from potential rape and murder incidents?

There is no war at the moment. Unbelievable, isn’t it?

All the missiles and tanks and jets are waiting for another man-made crisis. But this isn’t a man-made crisis. They aren’t needed now. They’ll be needed when duffers will reign again. And they will. Because insects are immune to…

You know this was – is – the ideal time for a novel epidemic. This is the only planet we own and look what we did to her.

We filled the waters with plastics and crude products. And dead bodies. Millions of dead bodies who became homeless in their homes and drowned while trying to find another home. Finding Neverland.

We even threw Luca Brasi and Bin Laden into the waters.

We destroyed the jungles. We established industries for mass consumption – including animals. We made leather from snakes and crocodiles.

We advertised brands made by hungry hands. We gave them enough to be steady but not enough to stand. We treated those hands in Africa and Asia as cows of dairy industry.

Class. Creed. Sect. Race. Religion. Nationality. We compartmentalized all the lower classes.

Meanwhile, the elite remained classless. Sitting in luxury offices finalizing bail-out packages for people wining and dining in yachts and mansions. Classless. People of the mosque, temple and church; all equal in the eyes of wealth.

Karl Marx said religion is an anti-depressant for struggling class. And he said it was necessary. Anti-depressants are necessary. Aren’t they?

So the virus is here. It was needed. It was time. Every era has to end.

Kingdoms ended. Colonialism perished. Fascism and totalitarianism jolted the world in world wars but were ceased after millions died. An era of liberalism emerged. The liberal half of the world saw its epitome of research and development in those years. While the other half kept on suffering at the hands of conservatism and religion-based politics. Then came the new wars. Wars based on information to target people and regions precisely.

It started with Iraq. Entered Afghanistan. Splashed countries like Libya, Syria and Yemen. Pimps suffered too: Pakistan lost its strategic position and Saudia lost its regional control. China initiated a surveillance war on Uighur. Burma did ethnic cleansing boldly, that too under a Noble Peace Laureate. India committed crimes legally, by passing vicious laws. Boris, Modi, Trump, Bolsonaro, Khan. Do you see there is something common all across the political world?


Say what the crowd wants to hear.
Do what the crowd wants done.
Be it stupid. Be it cruel.

So, the virus came. It was long due.

Ah! I knew you would say that. ‘People will be jobless’. ‘There will be shortage of food’. ‘People will die’. ‘Blah blah’.

Yes. But, no.

That was all happening before. People were jobless before. There was shortage of food before. People died before. You just ignored all of it.

The only difference is, you will be jobless this time. You will face shortage of food. You will die.

But God forbid. Let’s hope for the best. We all need an anti-depressant.

Let me tell you, a new era is going to begin. Populism will go down organically. The generations eye-witnessing the current scenario, will not be conservative or orthodox as before. Countries will re-prioritize their future budgets. Science will have its due share as will healthcare. Religion will become a personal matter – as it should be – for some time to come.

And war. These tanks and missiles and jets. These decorated soldiers and their synchronized parades for emotional wellbeing of the crowd.

Well, behave yourself.