Emotional meltdown. Disappointment. Disappointed. All kept under the carpet with a façade of all’s good.
All’s not good. Not since… let’s say since the first rhyme in the right ear.
The destination was defined. Step by step to catastrophe of self. To annihilation of the existence. Unbeing of being.
Then there is this need to share. To woe. To slander. To get a verdict from a friend that you are doing fine. Or an affirmation from a relative that you are too good. Or someone else to confirm that there’s no fault at your end.
The idea of shrinks. There was no need of them. Then the need came with consumerism. With too much to spare and spend, came the need of shrinks for validation of all the wrongdoings that you have committed.
Even you know that. You hide your bad deeds. Tell bad deeds of others. And the shrink keeps on stamping them. Approved. Dismissed. Move on. Be happy.
What is the purpose?
One of the finest ayahs – which comes as a reminder on my handheld daily at 9 am – in the Quran is:-
وَيْلٌۭ لِّكُلِّ هُمَزَةٍۢ لُّمَزَةٍ
Translation: Woe to every backbiter, slanderer.
Yet, you need another soul for validation. You need another slanderer to make your own faults look better. These are default settings of every human being. So, with the default needs came a product to be marketed with pretty good pricing: shrinks – psychologists and therapists.
Or you know too much. Already good to go. Handling your emotional meltdown all alone. Managing a decade of deep personal recession all alone. Without a need for a slanderer’s ear.
You can write. You can whisper. You can talk to yourself. You can talk to God – depends on the belief system you have updated inside. Your inside person will tell you better. Your own faults won’t be kept under the carpet. Your inside person will not forgive you for your sins. That person won’t let you sleep with all your wealth. You will be dependent on antidepressants and sleeping pills in a cozy expensive bed. Or you will have to bear insomnia.
Insomnias are also unexplainable. You are awake even when asleep and are asleep even when working without committing errors. Two worlds in parallel move together in insomnia and both exists. Only one is physically painful and the other one emotionally. Hence, meltdown.
Unlocks a phone and tap tap and an email is read or a text is sent and back to a small episode of sleep and later the day you see a new email but it’s open already or a sent text which you don’t remember and then your narrator self talks to Tyler Durden and things prove to be as messy as expected. Reminds me of Messi.
We are all Jack’s narration. We all have a Durden inside. You can mourn or moan. Depends on the Durden you are feeding.
Even if you have no faults and you are at the receiving end – situation remains same. Pills are needed and then they don’t work and then more pills are needed.
A shrink will make you sleep better by killing your own narrations. A complete market exists for that. Your inner person won’t let you sleep but a shrink will.
But sometimes – after months – you are pinched too hard. And then you spread venom through your tongue and burn the souls around you who were busy burning you all the time. You don’t need an ear of a human to bicker. You prefer a crowd and after all it’s better.
So much better. No slandering. No woe. Job well done. However, things and events are not sequential. It’s the second worst phase and it’s not ending. After all it’s about all the bad choices. A never ending punishment. It’s not like a 14-year or death sentence because both ends.
The trial is not even explainable. Ironically, all the characters are dependent on the protagonist – one way or the other. Even those characters who live far apart but the roles are so deeply defined that antagonists have taken the story to another level. Protagonist is the antagonist now. Not invited anymore anywhere except when needed.
Still unexplainable. Too confusing.
Bad to worse to worst. Disappointing.
Now that’s the therapy. That’s that. Too relieving. Isn’t it? Who needs another shrink – paid or unpaid – for this? Not His Highness.
Bad decisions define us. Pains define us. The words that are decorated with blood don’t come out of the stars in heaven. They come out from the inferno of heart where a fire burns all the time.
So let that be. To be. Not ‘not to be’.
All rise! And pray! “Those who keep the flames high – may peace be upon them too“. Amen!
Session dismissed. You may pay at the counter.