Category: movies

There’s one sure-shot recipe for an Oscar nomination and subsequent award: Holocaust. Even if the movie is as dull as “A Real Pain”. Who would have thought Kieran Culkin would win an Oscar for this?

Follow the recipe. Like Adrien Brody. Did twice. Doesn’t matter if you are a pianist or an architect. You can even spit your gum from stage, and it will remain more memorable and less disgusting.

Because not every is Daniel-Day Lewis, Jack Nicholson, Meryl Streep, or Frances McDormand. Some others are dependent on the acceptable content than the acting itself.

“No Other Land” – a documentary by Palestinian and Israeli filmmakers about Israel’s destruction of the West Bank – winning an Oscar can be called the most benevolent moment of the ceremony, if not the only one.

The good thing is that “A Complete Unknown” won nothing despite eight nominations. The movie was about Bob Dylan’s life from 1961 to probably 1965. Wandering between the two bed sheets. A couple of folk song and his idea of going electric. Nothing much except the latest blue-eye boy of Hollywood Timothee Chalamet doing his typical acting. Bob Dylan was never felt. Almost all the songs that Dylan was shown thinking – or writing or trying for the first time – were after being done on bed.

Dylan was a major inspiration for Steve Jobs, especially in Apple‘s early days. His songs were acts of resistance, awakening the collective conscience of listeners. Songs against wars. Songs against power. Songs for peace. The guy is the only singer who won the Nobel Peace Prize in literature. He deserved a better movie with rich content.

Like “Bohemian Rhapsody”. A complete story of Freddie Mercury as well as Queen. The rise, the rights, the composition of different songs, Live Aid concert at Wembley, Aids, and then death of Mercury. That movie covered it all with exceptional performance of Rami Malek – rightfully earned him an Oscar.

By the way, the depiction of making “We Will Rock You” was beautiful. And Bohemian Rhapsody can itself be a whole movie in itself. This song alone could inspire an entire thesis. Who would have imagined blending Bismillah, Galileo, Scaramouche, Mama, unwanted life, and unasked-for death—all in a single song?

Bismillah!

Another by the way coming… have you felt visibly how even the creative world is going down? These singers – Queen, Michael Jackson, Boney M, Bob Dylan, Beatles, Pink Floyd, Pearl Jam, John Lenon, etc.; and our own ones like NFAK, Lata, Rafi, Kishore, Nazia Hassan, etc. – got their hits when we were not even born. Yet, we are still listening to them because the present is offering nothing to us except vulgar disappointments with no shard of intellect.

Or maybe all the good compositions have been composed, and all the fine songs have been worded. There is no room left in the imaginable imaginations of humans. That’s why post-apocalypse scenarios, aliens, space, etc. are the only leftover topics to explore further. The same goes for books and novels.

What else to write?

What else to compose?

What else to sing?

What else to expose?

Sarabi: His [Scar] destiny was to save you [Mufasa].

How convenient when you are destining to become his wife? Meanwhile, Scar knew his destiny was stolen.

It felt entirely different than was being shown on the screen. The movie “Mufasa” has different story.

We always disliked Scar – or Taka, his real name. Without knowing the history, we hated his actions. We hated his actions for power to be the king of the jungle.

On a flipside, and with innocence, it was Mufasa who robbed him. Mufasa – due to negligence of his parents – yeah, yeah, accident – became a stray. Scar saved him from crocodiles and took him home. Gave him a mother, his mother. Lost a race to save Mufasa’s life from his father. And stood with him for years.

Scar was the first one to question the rules of monarchy. He didn’t accept the bloodline shat. He raised questions. He was the fist lion to voice meritocracy over the vague birthright.

Anyway, when the new kingdom became dangerous, Mufasa and Scar left to find a new land. How easy it was for Mufasa.

Then, Scar fell in love with Sarabi. He told Mufasa. But then, it was a triangle. Sarabi told Mufasa to be the mover of his destiny and love her back and Mufasa accepted instantly. They could have shared Sarabi. They were lions, man. They mate with different lion every season. Coulda… woulda… shoulda…

Comes another kingdom. Just when Mufasa was about to lose life, he motivates the innocent animals to fight against the while lions – when it was crystal clear that white lions only wanted to kill Mufasa to take revenge. Even then, it was Scar who saves the life of Mufasa. Twice.

You may think that Scar was disloyal for one moment. Well, no. Scar had no obligation to be loyal to Mufasa in any way.

You know the rest. Comes Simba. Generational wealth. Monarchy. Lion King.

The victors write history. The truth depends on who tells the story. In this case, Disney, mainstream media, stories, books, and everything supported a clever lion who became a monarch and an absolute ruler while living off on others.

Remember, the true hero. Scar. Always was.

Entire Bollywood on one side, and Dil Se would stand taller on the other side. The story, dialogues, frustration, love, music, songs, and everything is remarkable.

All India Radio. What if we change it with Radio Pakistan? How relatable it can be?

Imagine going to Balochistan or western belt of KP or any other periphery of Pakistan and you may find things that are not as they are shown on the mainstream media. The truth may take 180-degree turn during your journey. That’s how significant that movie was. Yet, underrated and only known for its music by A. R. Rahman.

The tiny details in the movie were astounding. Like the seven stages of love in Satrangi Re: hub (attraction), uns (infatuation), ishq (love), aqidat (trust / reverence), ibadat (worship), junoon (madness), and maut (death). The movie categorically covered all these seven stages beyond that song.

What if there is an entire narrative of nationalism, security, patriotism, and religion? And then, what if there is a stronger counter-narrative: of love?

The frustration of love – a prerequisite – was there. Just when it looked that love was going to walk its due course, the surroundings changed so significantly that it became impossible to live or love. After all, only unfulfilled love stories are remembered as ‘love stories’ worth narrating. Because afterwards, is just a disaster.

Another movie of this genre is ‘The Last Sumari” of Tom Cruise. The music was equally good by Hans Zimmer. When the protagonist was captured by the ‘savages’ in the movie, he not only saw the truth, but he became part of the truth. Fell in love. Rose as a new warrior. From fighting on one side of the battle, he chose the other side and fought for the truth and honor rather than national duty.

Watch Dil Se… for once. And watch it with a wide spectrum so you may connect the dots in your own national and security settings.

‘By the word “religion” I’ve seen lunacy of fanatics of every denomination be called the will of God. I’ve seen too much religion in the eyes of too many murderers. Holiness is in right action and courage on behalf of those who cannot defend themselves.’

These are words from the movie ‘Kingdom of Heaven’ (2005) with an enormous cast including Liam Neeson, Orlando Bloom, Eva Green, Michael Sheen, and others.

Kingdom of Heaven can be called as one of the most balanced movies on the topic of Jerusalem. The movie starts in 1184. That was the time when Christian rule of Jerusalem (1099 to 1187) was near its end. Saladin was to conquer the Kingdom of Heaven – Jerusalem – in 1187; after that it would remain with Muslims till World War I when British would finally took control over it.

Jerusalem. Can be called a holy land. Or a cursed land. Depends on your lens and bias. Prophet David (Daud AS) was the first major figure of the city. Then his son King Solomon (Suleman AS) ruled the land who had powers to control spirits. He built the First Temple of Jerusalem. In later events of the history, Christ (Esa AS) was murdered – or resurrected – in this city of Jerusalem.

And how many were murdered – or martyred – in Crusades? Who knows? The land is still not fertile.

Long story short, certain empires came and ruled. With the change in religion of Emperor Constantine of the Byzantine Empire, Jerusalem became more Christian from Jewish from 4^th to 7^th century. That Christian rule of Jerusalem was ended by conquest of the Caliph Umar RA in 637. Some centuries later, Sultan Mehmed Fateh would conquer Constantinople in 1453 that would bring the end of Byzantine Empire.

Well, that was not the story of the movie. I deviated. No apologies. Just wanted to recommend this movie. Have watched it twice before and every time it’s a treat with beautiful OST. There’s a scene in the movie which goes as follows:

Balian: What is Jerusalem worth?

Saladin: Nothing. [walks away and turns]

Saladin: Everything!

Movie: Kingdom of Heaven (2005)

IMDB rating: 7.3/10. Mine: 9/10.

Didn’t get any such idea after ‘Alive’ but after ‘Society of the Snow’ I can tell how a similar incident shall unfold in future.

For instance, the plane has crashed in an isolated nowhere and some are dead and some are alive. After eating the chocolates and whatever was on the plane, they will instantly turn into cannibalism. Why? Because at least one of them have seen the movie.

Consider, half of the survivors have seen the movie.

I know how to survive.
How?
We need to eat the dead ones. Otherwise we all will die.
That’s insane.
No it’s not. I’ve seen a movie of a similar plane crash. Some of them waited and died for no reason.
Yeah, yeah, I’ve seen that movie too.
I’ve heard about it.
Yes, let’s do the needful.

That’s it. With a clean conscience. In fact, they will cook and make better food with the available ingredients. Roasted meat. Kebabs if possible. Kapooray.

There will be a couple of vegetarians with dilemmas to fight with.

But then the second tragedy will arrive. The dead ones have been eaten and no one came to rescue and the survivors have no food to survive further. Because they didn’t wait for a week or so without food. They didn’t eat just to survive but to keep their skin and looks intact.

Only then will the struggle, the plan, not to wait for the rescue teams but to reach out will occur.

And this would be too late because there is no food to travel with. All the dead ones have been eaten. The alive ones will be dead soon.

Later on, after months, someone will discover them. The dead bodies and the bones. With smartphones around, pictures and videos would be recovered. Lots of selfies. Filtered pictures. Pouts. And stuff to be uploaded on TikTok and Insta afterwards. Just in case. Would gather millions of followers.

That would be the society of future similar incidents. Perks of being informed. Perks of Netflix. And perks of social media cravings.

Forgive me father! I have sinned. I have seen the “Animal”.

But a little clarification before further judgments to be passed:

Those who know, know that I try not to miss movies about father and daughter. Divorces too. I have seen a lot in this genre and the last big one was “The Whale” where one scene is still stuck with me, “I need to know that I have done one thing right with my life!”. Other movies include Kramer vs. Kramer. A Separation. Te3n. The Son. Madaari. Gifted. Mrs. Chatterjee. And so many more.

I went to see the movie “Hi Nanna” also called “Hi Papa” on Netflix. But instead, I sinned. Another father movie but…

Are you with me with my lame excuses? Good.

Let’s give “Animal” 1 out of 10. Why 1? Because they had a dialogue of Al-Pacino from The Godfather, “If anything in this life is certain, if history has taught us anything, it is that you can kill anyone”. Obviously in Hindi but ok.

Other than that, what was it? How to make a John Wick movie in Bollywood?

Bollywood is family stuff, so add family. Papa on top.

For guns and guns and guns, add wealth. Make the family ultra rich. Bring hundreds of men so that John can kill them at will.

Not enough? Add male chauvinism. Add anger and alpha male sperms in the entire film.

Script? Not needed. It will be a hit in a region where men are so insecure that they feed their ‘desires’ with actions like that. Now, how many men would try to be such losers after watching this for a week or so?

But still, the script? Add underwear. Add threesome. Slaps. Lots of slaps. Car bomb scene – again, Godfather; Michael Corleone in Italy with his second wife. Bombed.

What do we have so far? John Wick + Michael Corleone. Add someone desi. Aha! Sanjay Dutt.

By the way, Godfather has been done in Rajneeti, pretty nicely. Sanju has been done too. Ranbir in both. Then why this shit? Wasn’t Kabir Singh enough?

What was the role of women in the movie? One Ivy League sister was always crying and accepting the undue insults from her male. The other had… no role. The mother had… no role. The wife had one role to produce some scenes and two kids. The other woman had one role around sheets.

Oh, one thing to learn. You can go back to your rural relatives after decades and they will be ready to offer all their young men for your security. They will sing. Joke. Guard your affairs. And will die with a smile. For you. Because they don’t have ‘papa’.

And bring Bobby back. Without a single dialogue. He couldn’t do anything for decades with dialogues. So, mute him. Give him a sex appeal. And that’s it. It shall work. Definitely.

I have sinned. 3 hours and 24 mins wasted in violence that was almost turning into a violent homosexuality scene on the runway, but one couldn’t speak, and one couldn’t listen.

What else? Kill hundreds. Show blood. Extreme violence. With some Sikh men singing in chorus with guns in hand. Add ‘papa’ in the lyrics. Accommodate Kabir a little. And that’s it.

These guys. In 40s. 50s. And 60s. Snatching roles of 30s. Never getting tired. Taking space for decades. While women departing to mature roles at 40.

John Wick didn’t try to be younger. He was retired. Di Nero. George Clooney. Daniel Craig. These guys became a class with their age without being in a denial mode. Here, South Asian screen guys are badly stuck. As stuck as Hamayun Saeed was with antenna not working in the 90s.

Nonetheless, the acting wasn’t bad. Guys did well. Only, the script was too ugly.

Lastly, the tiresome insult to cigarettes was too much. I’m taking back that 1.

I definitely have sinned.

You guys going to judge me? Ok. Remember that monkey scene without the monkey but there actually was monkey right there? Yeah, imagine that.