Forgive me father! I have sinned. I have seen the “Animal”.
But a little clarification before further judgments to be passed:
Those who know, know that I try not to miss movies about father and daughter. Divorces too. I have seen a lot in this genre and the last big one was “The Whale” where one scene is still stuck with me, “I need to know that I have done one thing right with my life!”. Other movies include Kramer vs. Kramer. A Separation. Te3n. The Son. Madaari. Gifted. Mrs. Chatterjee. And so many more.
I went to see the movie “Hi Nanna” also called “Hi Papa” on Netflix. But instead, I sinned. Another father movie but…
Are you with me with my lame excuses? Good.
Let’s give “Animal” 1 out of 10. Why 1? Because they had a dialogue of Al-Pacino from The Godfather, “If anything in this life is certain, if history has taught us anything, it is that you can kill anyone”. Obviously in Hindi but ok.
Other than that, what was it? How to make a John Wick movie in Bollywood?
Bollywood is family stuff, so add family. Papa on top.
For guns and guns and guns, add wealth. Make the family ultra rich. Bring hundreds of men so that John can kill them at will.
Not enough? Add male chauvinism. Add anger and alpha male sperms in the entire film.
Script? Not needed. It will be a hit in a region where men are so insecure that they feed their ‘desires’ with actions like that. Now, how many men would try to be such losers after watching this for a week or so?
But still, the script? Add underwear. Add threesome. Slaps. Lots of slaps. Car bomb scene – again, Godfather; Michael Corleone in Italy with his second wife. Bombed.
What do we have so far? John Wick + Michael Corleone. Add someone desi. Aha! Sanjay Dutt.
By the way, Godfather has been done in Rajneeti, pretty nicely. Sanju has been done too. Ranbir in both. Then why this shit? Wasn’t Kabir Singh enough?
What was the role of women in the movie? One Ivy League sister was always crying and accepting the undue insults from her male. The other had… no role. The mother had… no role. The wife had one role to produce some scenes and two kids. The other woman had one role around sheets.
Oh, one thing to learn. You can go back to your rural relatives after decades and they will be ready to offer all their young men for your security. They will sing. Joke. Guard your affairs. And will die with a smile. For you. Because they don’t have ‘papa’.
And bring Bobby back. Without a single dialogue. He couldn’t do anything for decades with dialogues. So, mute him. Give him a sex appeal. And that’s it. It shall work. Definitely.
I have sinned. 3 hours and 24 mins wasted in violence that was almost turning into a violent homosexuality scene on the runway, but one couldn’t speak, and one couldn’t listen.
What else? Kill hundreds. Show blood. Extreme violence. With some Sikh men singing in chorus with guns in hand. Add ‘papa’ in the lyrics. Accommodate Kabir a little. And that’s it.
These guys. In 40s. 50s. And 60s. Snatching roles of 30s. Never getting tired. Taking space for decades. While women departing to mature roles at 40.
John Wick didn’t try to be younger. He was retired. Di Nero. George Clooney. Daniel Craig. These guys became a class with their age without being in a denial mode. Here, South Asian screen guys are badly stuck. As stuck as Hamayun Saeed was with antenna not working in the 90s.
Nonetheless, the acting wasn’t bad. Guys did well. Only, the script was too ugly.
Lastly, the tiresome insult to cigarettes was too much. I’m taking back that 1.
I definitely have sinned.
You guys going to judge me? Ok. Remember that monkey scene without the monkey but there actually was monkey right there? Yeah, imagine that.
