Author: Saki Nama

Writer.

Brief History of Religion

Rule 1, on page 1 of the book of war is: Do not march on Moscow. Napoleon did. Hitler did. Both perished. But Napoleon’s march and failure gave us Tolstoy’s ‘War & Peace’ at least. I wrote this because its winter and nothing else.

You know, we – homo sapiens – have a long history. Longer than the holy books of all the religions revealed to us. You may not believe in evolution – or devolution – but you cannot ignore other facts. Yet, you ignore.

Similarly, we have a long history of religions. Now for a second, forget what you have been told and let me give you a glimpse of religion from Yuval Noah Harari’s “Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind” along-with some extra information and my own insights. “Religion can thus be defined as a system of human norms and values that is founded on a belief in a superhuman order.”

Imagine the sapiens evolving – gaining cognitive revolution – and there is no religion. Then, with miseries and queries, comes animism; the earliest form of religion. The earliest of the religions were based on plants, deities and rocks.

Gradually, animism evolved into polytheism, where there were gods and other powerful entities. “Animists thought that humans were just one of many creatures inhabiting the world. Polytheists, on the other hand, increasingly saw the world as a reflection of the relationship between gods and humans.”

Then came religions of monotheism, which we call Abrahamic religions as well. From Judaism to Christianity to Islam. But before that, remember there was a godless religion too: Buddhism. With time, this religion has evolved too, but Siddhartha didn’t focus on God. His focus was humans and their miseries and how to achieve nirvana. It is another story that 99% of Buddhists never attain nirvana.

Anyway, back to monotheism. Monotheist religions derived from one another. Yet, these three are rarely in bloodless agreement. With the power in the hands of monotheists for the last many centuries, polytheism has an image of an outdated and ignorant concept. However, as Harari has said, the central idea of polytheism is pretty much the same as monotheism with the concept of The One.

One of the differences in the history of the two – monotheism and polytheism – is that polytheist empires in the past didn’t force people to convert and monotheist empires had bloodbaths on conversions.

As Harari further elaborates that Rome was polytheist with different gods for different purposes; and then came Emperor Constantine. “In the 300 years from the crucifixion of Christ to the conversion of Emperor Constantine”. And with that, and a brief history ahead, we had Vatican inside Rome.

Apart from polytheism and monotheism, there is dualism. Good vs bad. Almost all the monotheist religions are based on dualism with the concept of God vs Satan as constant. This one is a little amusing because God is always in need of humans – and mass crowds – to have a victory against Satan under this concept. Yes, there can be so many interpretations but let’s stay macro here.

“Countless Christians, Muslims and Jews have gone so far as to imagine that the good God even needs our help in its struggle against the Devil, which inspired among other things the call for jihads and crusades.”

Another amusing concept in dualism is of “order” as Harari has explained. If evil throws a bomb on good – or vice versa – the rules don’t change. The law of gravity, the law of nature, the law of fission, and all other related laws of chemistry and physics don’t change. They remain the same. God doesn’t change the rules and neither do the followers expect Him to. But they do pray, obviously.

May lightning strike everyone except me. Right? Right.

Zoroastrianism, another religion, is specifically based on dualism. It’s hard to digest for believers of monotheist religions, but most of the concepts followed in the three major monotheist religions were pretty much introduced by Zoroastrianism. Daily prayers to fasting to other rituals.

Now if you look closely, every new religious concept has some mingling of the previous one. Let me quote Harari again exactly:

“In fact, monotheism, as it has played out in history, is a kaleidoscope of monotheist, dualist, polytheist and animist legacies, jumbling together under a single divine umbrella. The average Christian believes in the monotheist God, but also in the dualist Devil, in polytheist saints, and in animist ghosts. Scholars of religion have a name for this simultaneous avowal of different and even contradictory ideas and the combination of rituals and practices taken from different sources. It’s called syncretism. Syncretism might, in fact, be the single great world religion.”

You can further sense the sensibilities by comparing football to religions as Harari has compared. Defined rules. Defined time. Good vs bad. You vs them. Everyone running after the ball. From fun to serious business to depression. You can relate to the same with cricket.

That’s pretty much the history of religion. His Highness will tell you what he believes, but first, a historical story:

A Man once had a vision and He wanted to change the world. He had a Book which He wrote over the years. He had to leave His city and He lived in poverty but He never gave up on people and His ideas of equality for every human being. Gradually, people adopted his ideas and a mass population stood after Him. From one city to another to the entire country and then the whole region, His ideas spread. He was no more to see the vastness of His ideas or His empire but His book lived and remained as one of the holiest books in history. His followers took His ideas to new heights and the whole world was under it once, but gradually, it lost momentum and fell into pieces.

This is the story of Socialism. “He” was Karl Marx. The book is “Das Kapital”. You didn’t get it right, yes.

Aren’t these religions too? Socialism. Capitalism. Communism. Liberalism. Medicine. Physics. Commerce. Aren’t these followed more than the other mainstream religions? Too broad. Seems like everything is religion. Money too.

I had my own journey. From extreme right views to extreme left and I’ve hated both equally at times. Disgusted by the existence of my own ideas. But what is the purpose? Millions came and millions died and everyone is at the losing end. The rich, rulers, kings, emperors, presidents, CEOs, and  overall, the elite remained elite.

That was deviation.

Every day I wake up as a man of religion and every night I sleep as an agnostic; and next day is the same day. The day starts with certain prayers, while at night, the exact opposite ideas numb my mind. Sometimes, comparing the both, I shudder when the later part of the day looks more sensible. Still, I offer Namaz at random times in random places but I don’t follow them ritually. I don’t leave Jumma or Roza, but then I leave everything. I consult Quran and Hadith time to time and other times, I don’t.

I used to cry in duas and then I stopped. Now I don’t ask anymore. And it works better. I do things better when I rely on myself. In sports. At work. In getting things done. In red-tapism. And in delivering perfectly lined yorkers.

But we are weak. We humans have no answer from where we came and where we will end up. I know you know the answers from your interpretations; I know that too. Not talking about that. And what about the others? The majority?

In the end, you need religion, be it anyone. It gives you hope and strength, nonetheless. It gives you patience to sustain. It gives you complete imaginary peace of meeting your loved dead ones. It gives you a lot.

But what does it take in return?

Read between the lines.

#SakiNama 

Random Numbness (Dec 2021)

You are stupid.

Have you ever realized this? Things around you – society, norms, values and interpretation of the religion – are here to make and keep you stupid. And you hardly ever disappoint.

This government came in power with the promise that the foreigners and expats will come back for jobs. The other day, Fawad Chaudhary was proudly tweeting the number of people who went abroad in the last 3 years. He is expecting more drain (yes, I didn’t use “brain”) in the next couple of years.

He’s happy. Because he’s in power. You are happy. Because you are stupid.

Similarly, while everyone is pious and guarding the religion, which is always in danger, sins are on the rise. Sins are systematic. Systemic. For example, last week two BS-17 employees were suspended by KMC because they asked for Rs.1 lac in bribery from a woman to not demolish her home. When she could only pay Rs.25,000, they made her an offer. Sexual favors in return for her home. They thought they are Godfather and made her an offer she won’t refuse.

Where on earth do you get such flexibilities? You pay in cash. Or you pay in bed. The erectipious (erect and pious) society, ready to kill and be killed in the name of religion, has all the flexibilities to offer.

This level of piety is from the top echelons of government machineries right to the bottom of Gujjar Nullah.

Everything is fine. The machinery is working. It’s constantly being greased.

You were told that the PM-in-making will make a corruption-free state. He comes with a tasbeeh and a team of ex-corrupts who have been fighting for the last 3 years against ex-corrupts and you are cheerful. Because you are stupid.

You were told that the PM is on a drive against corruption. Then the corruption of Generals is revealed in the form of Pizzas and business empires and real estates and Covid-19. The PM rejects the AGP report. His drive against corruption is itself corrupt. Like Chairman NAB. But your views remain intact; just like your stupidity.

You are told that the government is going against all land mafias. Nullah homes and middle-class residences are demolished while the PM’s home is regularized cheaply and Bahria and DHA continue to  stand. Erected. But you are content. Not because you are biased. Not saying that. But because you are plain stupid.

You are told that your religion is the best and it’s the religion of peace but the guardians of the faith kill and you get confused. Is there need of blood? You get confused. Then the PM comes and tells you that liberals are “khooni” and you get your answer without questioning how the liberals are khooni when the blood is on the hands and tongues of the guardians themselves. But you have no further question and no curiosity to search on your own, and hence, you stay stupid.

You are told that there is only one punishment of blasphemy: blood. People are killed. Then, MAYBE a few of you question what the actual punishment is. Then you realize there is no punishment. Because there is no blasphemy. What is blasphemy? Sweet blasphemy? All the big ideas which have shaped the modern world; were blasphemous ones to begin with. The crowd doesn’t matter. The mind does. But, for you, blasphemy matters. Humans don’t. Because, you are blasphemously stupid and you have no other skill than theological interpretation and re-interpretation. An interpretation which is not even your own.

What is interpretation? Sects. Sub-sects. Until there is another religion altogether. Religion into religion into religion. Like dreams of inception. You pick and choose. Then everyone picks and chooses. And then all are against all. Everyone becomes blasphemous to the other. A violent mob is nurtured in this environment and then humans are killed and burned and charcoaled in the name of Islam and in the name of the Prophet.

Sialkot is just one recent episode. You have seen and done mob lynching before. You have shuddered before condemning it. You have been afraid. Deep inside, you fear for yourself and your family. You have no way of knowing who a closet fanatic is. These extremists; these people who kill; these people who lynch without thought, without verification; outwardly, they look like you and me.  

Who knows what your kids are going to be like? Maybe your kids will suffer. Maybe they will be brave enough to voice out their anger and then unfortunate enough to be killed. Dead bodies with broken fingers and broken ribs and broken dreams. But you don’t think that far because you are too stupid and too cowardly to be that farsighted.

Satan was born in the house of Allah.

Musa was born in the house of the Pharaoh.

Expect a mind being born in your home and your stupid-self shouldering his/her dead body. This is where we are going.

You think merging in the crowd will guarantee your safety. You think stupidity and denial is the only solution to a long and peaceful personal life. You think chanting the slogans of the crowd will keep your life afloat. You think the stink won’t stink if you yourself live in trash. What rubbish!

As Fahd Husain wrote “Then, just like that, it’s over. And done. And dus­t­­ed. Because, you see, no one is really responsible. Or everyone is. And when everyone is, no one really is.” Hallelujah!

This is the last century of religion to be honest. Humanity has survived long before there was any religion and it is going to survive that way with advancements in science, medicine and technology. The questions which once needed some explanations to satisfy one’s self are evaporating. We know the reasons behind lunar eclipse, earthquakes, tsunamis, deaths, famine, etc. We know more than our ancestors in these areas at least. They relied on myths and religion to have answers; we don’t need to.

Religion and faith should be a personal matter. But, hate mongering and division in the name of religion and killing in the name of religion needs to be stopped on a national level. The Government needs to take responsibility to curb religious extremism and for a tolerant and diverse counter-narrative to emerge. And individuals need to take responsibility to search for answers; to question; to stop blindly following.

Basically, you need to stop being stupid.

His Highness knows the counter-arguments. It is a long debate and it has certain merits and demerits. But my thesis is… hush! No! Your mind is too fragile to read that.

So, another time. Maybe.

His Highness, is after all, Zarathustra.

Martial Races

After 1857 Mutiny, British India started to recruit specific people in their military based on their history of faithfulness. Punjabis (including Indian Punjab) and Pashtuns were on top and were recruited with favoritism as they stood faithful to English against their own fellow citizens during the mutiny.

This is the base of theory of martial race. Or martial race theory. 

After the mutiny, Bengalis were ignored. They were considered ‘weak’ for military by the Britain and were ranked the lowest. They were considered good with pen and bad with military service – or slavery so to speak. No wonder, All India Muslim League was formed in Dhaka and not in Western India (today’s Pakistan).  

After the mutiny, the percentage of Punjabi and Pashtun soldiers gradually increased in the colonial army. By 1929, 62% of soldiers in the army were Punjabi.  After Independence in 1947, Pakistan military had a share of 72% Punjabis. Bengalis percentage in army never exceeded 9% from 1947 to 1971, even though they had around 55% share of the total population. This was the discriminatory system which crashed in 1971.

Recently, as reported by Guardian, records of 320,000 Punjabi soldiers from WW-I were uncovered from the depths of Lahore Museum. The data of these soldiers is being uploaded on www.punjabww1.com. Data of Sialkot, Jalandhar and Ludhiana districts have already been uploaded. This compilation and digitization of data is interesting.

Coming back to martial race, after Independence of 1947, Pakistan inherited the same military with the same unsaid rules. Punjabis and Pashtuns on top over other races and provinces. This is one of the reasons behind Fall of Dhaka in 1971. The discrimination, monopolization, and hate was embedded within the politics, as well as military.

The martial race theory was a comprehensive and long-term recruitment plan of Englishmen to rule the country through local countrymen. We all know General Dyer and Michael O’Dwyer as the men behind Jallianwala Bagh Massacre of 1919. But these two men didn’t fire a single bullet. Do you know who did? Punjabis did. That day, Punjabis in uniform killed Punjabi civilians. That day, Indians killed Indians. That’s why I always say militarism is dumb. It makes you a complete duffer and you don’t even think before firing a bullet on your own.

Let me elaborate with another scenario.

A sepoy belongs to lower economic strata of the society. He is less educated and is in the military for financial stability. He is sent on duty within the country. And his usual targets are men / women of lower economic strata of the society. He attacks men of his own class. He attacks houses like his own. It’s like Jallianwala Bagh in mini-series of a soldier’s life.

This current military system, which is in Pakistan, India and almost everywhere around the world, is inherited from Britain. Medals, ranks, uniforms, divisions, everything is English. They are all trained the same way. They are recruited, brainwashed, and systematically made dumb.

The men in military embrace militarism as their religion. No questions asked. No second thoughts. No consciousness before firing a bullet. No “conscientious objection”. Just like the soldiers who were trained for Jallianwala Bagh massacre.

When a solider kills his father in the line of duty in a movie, you get goosebumps. Isn’t it?

It’s a long topic. It’s debatable too. But you need to think. Ponder. Ask. Decline. Resist. Why rules are forced on you? Why you need to accept the standards already set?

“Why not” is the counter to every “Why”. Why not?

Your name, your race, your caste, your religion, your color, your belief and your subconscious is already done and decided without a single uninterrupted-input from your own self. What left is resurrection. Question yourself. Question your beliefs. Embrace your doubts. And explore.

His Highness was a rightist once. He was in absolute hate of all those who believed otherwise. He was in support of violence over nationalism and religion. He used to get goosebumps too. A loss of cricket match used to hit like a bullet. Embarrassing, I know. But then, a decade back, things changed. Literature changed. Perspectives changed. Everything changed. His Highness will write on the journey of change another time. Till then, embrace your subconscious, doubts, and dark questions – not in Freudian way though.

Judicial Brothel

Saad Rizvi comes out. Ali Wazir remains inside. That’s the whole judicial narrative of Pakistan.

Banned is not banned anymore. It’s welcomed by the impotents in power. NAP, however, is trashed.

By threatening the state with a couple of dead bodies, you can become a democratic entity. This is the message and this is the system.

This is also the narrative by the establishment – since the beginning. That’s why the majority got tired of minority and parted ways in 1971. Good for them. Happy 50 years of The Departed.

This is also the message of Gulzar Ahmed, Chief Justice of Pakistan, who stood shamelessly in front of the audience – including the unashamed Saqib Nisar – with his back to the brave beacon of hope we lost; Asma Jahangir.

Noor Mukadam was murdered brutally. Everyone knows the culprit. We all know the gruesome details of the murder. However, the judiciary is yet to give a verdict. Meanwhile, the killer is making joke of the judiciary in every hearing.

But CJ says he can’t be dictated and his judiciary is the best. Shit uttering shit in the most nonsensical way.

This judiciary is a brothel. If you have money, you can buy time and release. Raymond Davis was escorted by General Pasha himself on orders of this same judicial brothel.

Rao Anwar

Ehsan Ullah Ehsan

Sahiwal Massacre

APS justice

Model Town

12 May Karachi

Baldia factory

I bet you know more than me about this judicial brothel and its mockery of common people’s miseries.

So, Kurd was right. Absolutely right. Like Asma Jahangir was right.

It’s not a battle of left or right. It’s a battle for right. For justice.

And the hen who laid these rotten eggs is military.

This military has made this hung parliament to use these pawns accordingly.

This military has made these stalwarts in both government and in opposition to make a show.

This military has made these TLP, TTP, JuD and similar other outfits.

This military has all this set for a show for you to be busy in dumb discussions while they keep on making empires in the form of businesses, DHAs, islands in Australia, Pizza in America, and estates in Saudia.

While you keep on getting goosebumps. On music. On movies. On martyrdom which is a marketing technique and USP of military business.

This judiciary is just part of an extended business. That’s why they can’t do anything. They are told to let Davis go and the let go of Davis. They are told to ignore Rao and Rao is ignored. They are told to unlisten Ehsan and Ehsan is muted.

Now, you can hate His Highness. Because that was all too blunt for your fragile egos.

Relax. You are not their kid. They don’t care about you. You are not loved. You are not even needed. Embrace that. And evolve from here onwards.

TLP-PTI Season 2021

2017: TLP is standing for the Prophet PBUH and we are standing with them. Close the roads. Burn the papers. Bring the capital down. Throw the government out. [After the Break: Rs.1,000/- each]

2018 A: No comments. No participation. Ok, burn but we are not burning with you. Elections are ahead and we want power not protests.

2018 B: No, not anymore. We are ruling Islamabad now and we will not let them burn. Capital won’t come down.

2020: They are against peace of the society. Must be banned. Banned.

2021: They are blackmailing the state. We are Muslims and we are for Islam while they are also Muslims but they are not for Islam. Let me rephrase…

4 days back: They are on a mission against the country and funds are coming from abroad. It’s a conspiracy against Pakistan.

3 days back: We are in talks. Things are going ok.

2 days back: They are funded by India. They are Indian funded traitors working against Pakistan using Islam for their vested interests.

Today: We have an agreement. All is good for now. No, we cannot tell you details of the agreement now. Will do it in appropriate time. No, they are not Indians anymore.

Next season in next season.

Conclusion: Things would have been way better if judgement of Qazi Faez Esa could have been read with an open mind and implemented accordingly.

Veena! You are dismissed

How embarrassing, Veena! You always prepare for viva even when you know you have cheated the exams. That’s an unsaid rule.

Just because of your interview with Badami, the 5th Generation Warfare is in danger. The whole marketing campaign is down. Funds are wasted.

After exposing deep cleavage in India, you have exposed the deep state in Pakistan. This is deep shit!

This ain’t a tattoo you can remove. This is not front cover of FHM. This is Twitter. This is our warzone.

Now, in order to keep the legacy intact, and in the name of patriotism, and survival of the nation from uninformed and un-uniformed bloody civilians, and Indians, and Afghans, and the dolphins in the Arabian Sea; you are hereby dismissed from the services.

Till further orders from the incompetent authority.

Veena! On a personal note, see the current state machinery closely. Fawad Chaudhary comes and dismisses Sheikh Rasheed. Sheikh Rasheed comes with a different press conference. Then both tells a completely different story. Then they correlate. Then they make a new story.

And when they can’t handle it anymore, they put it on India. Simple. Switch hit it is. Why couldn’t you do that?

You didn’t know Azmat Saeed? Take a break and Google. Start coughing when you don’t know. Fall. Pretend a stroke. Play it like you played it in Big Boss.

No wonder you were dismissed from there too.

It’s not about position. Not about enjoyment. Because it’s not a position. It’s a narrative. You don’t enjoy it as long as you want to. You keep it inside forever.

State Must Be Secular

That is why the state must be secular. The heroes of 2017 are villains today. Why? Religion. Interestingly, both the sides are religious and safeguarding Islam. Safeguarding Islam? From? Does Islam need your safeguarding?

No. It’s you who need Islam to sell your products. It’s a marketing tactic.

What is the meaning of being religious? Pretend! Pretend that you are faithful to the global Muslim cause. What is the global Muslim cause? Muslims against Muslims is the only effect I see.

Back in 2017, TLP was “apnay log”. Today, they are Indian agents.

Back in 2017, TLP was working for Namoos-e-Risalat. Today, they are working for RAW.

Back in 2017, they were given Rs.1,000 per agitator. Today, they are getting bullets.

Back in 2017, Military declined to take any action. Today, Rangers is posted in the whole province for two months.

Back in 2017, they were proxy political outfit of Military. Today, they are exactly the same but on the negative side of the Likert Scale.

Back in 2017, Sheikh Rasheed, Shah Mehmood Qureshi, Tahir ul Qadri, and the whole Military junta was supporting TLP. Imran Khan said some big words – typical of him, don’t mind – in support of them.

Today, vomit is being considered as soup. After all, it’s winter coming.

Some days back, PM Khan got stubborn for some days regarding appointment of new DG ISI. Then he took a u-turn. Classic. Have your heard the audio leak of Late Naeemul Haq? That describes the whole persona of the PM. He is nothing more than that. May be a little less. Or lesser.

Anyway, the state must be secular. Otherwise, it’s going to get deeper into the pit without a solution. First, it will be a Muslim state. Then a Sunni State. Then another division. Another. Another. Until all of us will be non-believers except the ones ruling the state. And we do know very well who is ruling this state in particular. 

Religion is personal. If it’s not personal, its business. A show-off. If it’s at state level, it’s oppressive. State MUST be secular and that is the only future of the world.

All the great ideas were blasphemous once.

This is the chapter – of 150-200 future years perhaps – wherein religion will become nothing more than a deeply personal belief. Today, we have scientific reasons behind earthquakes, cyclones, lunar eclipses, and almost everything. We are going deep into DNA and its modification way beyond our imagination. We keep the data of the whole world in our pockets. Religion is not required the way it was needed 200 years back. We already have many answers.

But to be honest, the unknown things will remain unknown. Who we are? Where are we going? Where were we before here? What do we know after death? Is this all real or a multi-players game?

Belief is necessary after all. We need it to get through deaths, pains, and traumas. We need religion in catastrophic situations when oxygen masks are out in the airplane. To pass. Through the traumatic episode or from the world altogether. But after landing… who cares?

Look around. The opposition of past is acting like the rulers of the past. Everything is opposite. Except one thing that the state has a religion and for that, we can do anything. Properties can be burned. Roads can be blocked. Acid can be used. Bullets can be fired. And blood can be spilled.

It’s a windmill of martyrdom. Again.

The one dying is a martyr. The one killing is a ghazi. Because the state has a religion.

District Development Package (DDP) of Punjab 2021-22

This piece is in response to Mr. Hasaan Khawar, SACM to the Chief Minister Punjab, who has recently tweeted that District Development Package (DDP) is a game-changer for Punjab. Well, it is not a game-changer.

Budget 2020-21 was prepared with mockery in the name of ‘Development’. Punjab – like KPK – has made one of the stupidest budgets (particularly development portfolio) in years.

A quick look.

Hundreds of thousands of new schemes – tagged under DDP – were included in ADP 2021-22 of Punjab; to make parliamentarians happy. Most of these schemes were non-feasible and against the set rules of development criteria.

For example, a school is proposed near another school (instead of revamping the old one) so that the parliamentarian of the region can cut the ribbon of the new building right before the next general elections.

Similarly, a health facility is being established right within the vicinity of a DHQ or Tertiary Hospital. To cut ribbon. Before election.

And even the calculation is messed up. There are around 20 DDP schemes in ADP 2021-22 which are regarding “Establishment of Trauma Centers” across Punjab. The cost of Trauma Center should be same (at least somewhat). But, no. One trauma center is being established for Rs.50 million while another one is being established for Rs.500 million. Same is the case with schools, BHUs, RHCs, roads, etc. There is no homework and there is no planning.

You remember there were talks of “angry parliamentarians” and “forward block” in Punjab during April-May 2021? This DDP was designed to make them happy. Now they all have something to look forward to cut ribbons around the next General Elections.

With these DDP schemes in ADP 2021-22 worth billions of rupees, CM Office of Punjab directed the Administrative Departments and Local Administrations of the province to approve all the schemes below Rs.50 million by July 21st, from Rs.50 to 400 million by July 31st, and above Rs.400 by August 31st. Even if the schemes were non-feasible.

PC-Is (which is a document of a scheme / project with its complete scope of work, costing, financing, etc.) were prepared within days. Copying one PC-I and pasting it to other 100s. Commissioners and Deputy Commissioners approved (originally approved, principally approved, or pathetically approved) schemes in wholesale. One after another. With or without PC-Is. With or without feasibility. With or without availability of lands / sites. Because they had no other direction from the top, and mostly, the bureaucrats have no ground to stand on.  

There is an online portal called SMDP of P&D Board of Punjab. All the Secretaries, Commissioners, and Deputy Commissioners were in race to mark their schemes as “approved” on the portal. They were approving schemes on Eid-ul-Azha days as well. Don’t be surprised. They were approving schemes without DDC / DDWP meetings.

This is Punjab at the moment. With a stick in the arse, bureaucrats were running around the directions of the CM.

What will this huge DDP portfolio lead to?

Billions will be wasted. With unplanned PC-Is and hassled approvals, long-term results are going to be scaring. Ugly structures with repetitive scope of work and with duplication in equipment and HR; Punjab’s development is going to be hurt in the long-run (technically called: MTDF which is the throw-forward to finance these schemes in future).

This is happening in all 32 departments of Punjab, which fall under the “charismatic” leadership of Planning & Development Board.

Do you know what is the difference between Parliamentarians and Bureaucrats? Nothing. One is cream (expired) and the other is power elite. Both with poor IQ and least concern for the general public. Usually hand-in-hand with the tax-payers money being wasted like this.

Let me give you another example.

Consider the land is free. On a 10 marla plot, you can construct a brand new home, with properly furnished baths and bedrooms, at a cost of Rs.1 crore. Rs.1 crore is a huge amount when you make your own home.

Now come to a government dispensary. Again, the land is free. For a one room dispensary with one shelf, a toilet, a couple of doors, and basic furniture; it will cost Rs.1 crore.

A simple single storey building with a couple of rooms, toilets, and a passage; will have a cost of over Rs.5 crores.

Huge briberies from contractor to SDO to XEN to SE to Chief to all the ugly ducklings in and around the Secretariat move in a discreet manner. That’s the only thing that moves from bottom to top in a swift and sincere manner. With huge corruption, even the newly established structures look old and are ready to leak as soon as there’s Monsoon.

News says that development budget of the province has increased from Rs.337 billion in 2020-21 to Rs.560 billion in 2021-22. But it is not development based on feasibility studies. It is just more. More allocations. More releases. More opportunities. More corruption. More generation of wealth. More ribbons. And more everything.

Random Numbness (Sep 2021)

Long time, no Highness.

It’s easy to accept that 9/11 was an inside job. But it’s tough to get the same insight regarding APS 2014. However, one thing for sure is, both the incidents served intelligence and militaries of the respective countries.

That’s why people like Ehsan Ullah Ehsan escape like Jerry and no one bothers.

Here we are again. Crying out loud in the UN General Assembly for everything we like. Islamophobia. Kashmir. Afghanistan. Taliban. Our cherry-picked favorite topics. Never cried for Yemen and many others.

We have been the pro bono – though not-so-pro-bono – spokesperson for Kashmir since 1947. Not for nothing. We accumulated a mighty arsenal based on Kashmir. India did the same. The two armies suck blood from the poor people for the sake of poorer people of Kashmir. In the name of nationalism and emotions.

The two poor nations have made two huge armies, equipped with atomic bombs, to mess around. A little mess here, a little mess there, and here goes another tranche.

But not everywhere. The monthly border bombings and firings – to keep the armies and their budgets intact – are mostly in Narowal and Sialkot sectors. Though DHA Lahore is much closer. Why not there? Because this is all set. Like 9/11. Like APS 2014.

Why don’t you get that this is all business of the Lords of War?

So, Ehsan Ullahs escape. But that doesn’t concern His Highness. What concerns His Highness is your dumb silence and your unquestioning loyalty. No one took the guards by the collar after he escaped. As if nothing happened. As if cognitive revolution is yet to happen.

Business. Nationalism and patriotism and everything. Your emotions are played. Sometimes with religion and sometimes with music. It works both ways as ISPR has proved. The same people with revealing bodies, cover themselves and give you religious sentiments and ultrasonic vibes, just because they play it better; with and without covers.

Byproducts. Nothing more than that you are.

Come to the current affairs. This includes affairs of Zubair Umar too but let’s save that for later.

Our loudmouth for our brothers from another mother – Talibans – is causing us not only moral embarrassment, but also economic setbacks. With New Zealand and England gone, Cricket is pretty much back to where it was 5 years ago. To be honest, that doesn’t even matter in the macro-economic view.

But we need to be good with words. It is not like PM Imran Khan is talking about women and their bodies and their clothes and men getting erections. It is about foreign affairs and international relations. Your big mouth can put the whole country and all the expats in serious trouble. Faiz’s move to Kabul for a cup of tea is nothing fantastic.

Iran is also on its toes. Things are getting real ugly with all the neighbors getting suspicious about us. We play religion with one. Sectarianism with the other. Brotherhood with the third. And Taya Gee with the fourth. And it is working. Against us.

With our support for ‘talibs’ in Afghanistan, we are disowning our own students in Islamabad. A mess has been created here since President Alvi’s ordinance of Pakistan Medical Commission. The poorly planned, month long, and expensive entry test is dubious. The whole medical system has been hijacked by this regime.

Life was so easy on the container. These same self-righteous men of the disguised-martial-law were supporting doctors and students all the way until they got their foot on the pedal. Now, the dream is collapsing and students are suffering. From the Capital to IBA Karachi. Just like the government itself, the schooling institutions have become Zia in itself. The guy who blew the whistle of harassment was expelled by IBA Karachi. How cool is that?

Because when nobody talks, nothing happens. No one escapes. No one is guilty.

Congratulations on the petrol price hike by the way. Again. While Zubair Umar was digging, and people were digging his digging, the actual petroleum products’ digging went up globally. There is petroleum crisis around the world. So, this time, we have a justification. But this utter nonsense of hiking prices every fortnight is ugly. Plus, we have so many other business oriented hikes like of sugar, wheat, medicine and other commodities.

Now the tapes. Hidden cameras. Hotel rooms. And stuff like that. Your favorite part of the post.

This happens everywhere, and when it’s with consent, you can buzz off. Your moral policing and bickering is not required because you are not the PM as yet. It’s happening. Just because you dislike Manto and your eyes are shut, doesn’t mean the greasing isn’t happening. It has been happening since the beginning. (Not advocating it.)

The point is: it shouldn’t be a tool to ridicule or embarrass anyone. It is Zubair now. A while back it was Sheikh Rashid. Before that there have been various celebrities, politicians, muftis, major sb, and common people. That was all with consent and you don’t need to play God. Disagree, please. But don’t ridicule.

It is absolutely wrong to be exposed this way. Equally wrong for all genders. As a society, we are losing morality. This way, private lives can be mocked right from the Prime Minister’s personal life to everyone.

Don’t watch. Don’t share. And ignore. This can be you tomorrow.

By the way, this is the right thing to ignore. But you choose to ignore Ehsan Ullahs. And your questions. And your conscientiousness.

And His Highness.

Babus & Babies

It’s easier to make a kid understand a thing than a DMG/PAS officer. Or any CSP/PMS in general.

What’s the hierarchical idea of private organizations?

Imagine a new CEO is imposed on Google. A CSP of course.

Or in Yahoo. Or Tesla. Or Amazon. Or NASA.

What will that lead to? Obvious disaster.

Here Education Department is under CSPs. As well as Health. IT. Roads. Communication. Buildings. Everything.

They sit at the top of the hierarchy of P&D Departments of all the provinces too. Handling development portfolio of tens of departments. Over a hundred across the country.

Nutshell: Dump. Garbage producing garbage from taxpayers money. As easy as a nod.

The uglier part is they come as a Secretary or CEO or DG of a Department as a newborn child. The third tier of the hierarchy teaches them from A, B, C to D. That’s it. They cannot go further than that.

Then when they are at D, they are transferred and another newborn arrives. Baby’s day out starts again and the whole department becomes a daycare center.

This is how we have messed up the civilian departments of the country. CTP to CTP. Step by step. Every year with commoners without common sense.

Now imagine the high profile meetings. Cabinet and Board meetings where they all sit after years and decades of service. They discuss. Imagine them discussing issues and projects and their feasibilities. The intellectual discussion is so fuckin embarrassing that your existence feels like a misfit in a club of unknowns; enjoying the dumbest party ever.

Like Marla in the testicular cancer club.

Every other word is nothing more than a joke for the guys sitting behind them who have actually done the work. Imagine the homeworkers talking and having a discussion. Would be worth a sitting.

Anyway. This is how it works. Those who sit behind, near the walls, are the girls and guys who know; while those who chair and the ones in the front rows are the miserable beings of our system.

A system which has given us these babus and babies.

The Federal and Provincial Government should end this system. With no second thoughts or ifs and buts. Let the senior most employee with due qualifications and set of criteria be at the top till his/her retirement.

There is such a system in the Judiciary and various other setups. Or in private organizations where employees from the middle and bottom hierarchies rise to the top due to their performance and experience.

Putting a new kid after every few days to head a Public Department will give Government nothing. Absolutely nothing.

The top-notch cream – so called – starts from being an AC usually. Then with different intra and inter departmental rotations, they become DCs. Then, over the years experience of various postings here and there, they become commissioners and secretaries in their late 40s to 50s. And by the time they reach the top of the hierarchy, they are as pure as a newly baptized kid.

Hallelujah!

I know the politicians have their cons. But they face questions from the public most of the times because of the lethargic bureaucracy and it’s incompetence.

Let’s take an example.

The Prime Minister goes to Peshawar tomorrow and announces a university. Now it will take ages for the bureaucracy to make this happen. Not that they are going deep into feasibility but because of their routine red-tapism.

First there will be a Directive from the office of the PM which in itself will take 2 weeks at least. Then it will reach the department’s right wing in another week. Then the department will ask the district to make a feasibility report which is nothing more than a couple of pages’ shit. Then that will come back to the department. Then after long ‘please put-up’ and ‘urgent please’, PC-I will see the day. Then it will go into the intellectual board of P&D which will approve it – obviously because the PM had already announced it – after amusing discussions. And then the case of allocation of funds will come. Then it will lead to release.

All this will easily take a year.

And in the meanwhile, the PM will face the harsh questions and the bureaucrats will keep on playing merry go rounds of transfers and postings.

The solution is simple but it’s an abrupt one. Discontinue the establishment. And by establishment, I mean both the establishments: civil and not-so-civil.