Thank you Chief!

Those who believed “missing people” is a hoax, were protesting with posters of Vigo last night.

Those who said “PTM is against the state”, were against the state like PTM yesterday.

Those who used to say “must have done something”, were tweeting “what have they done?” this weekend.

Those who believed elections were “free and fair” in 2018, were shouting against “neutrality” in 2022.

Those who believed it’s the ugly politicians and clean establishment, were against ugly establishment for clean politicians in massive crowds.

Thank you Chief! You did what others couldn’t do. I mean, they did. But they did not. Acres and acres of lands were gone and billion-dollar pizza empires were raised and no one had a clue.

And look at you?

Thank you!

Walli – In the Name of M. (Part-III)

Walli’s timeline of resurrections is as smooth as a tragedy. A tragedy that lives inside a being forever.

Remember that story of Musa asking the shepherd to pray properly as directed by God and not commit blasphemy? The shepherd stopped talking and loving God the way he did. He adopted Musa’s directions of praying as defined by the religion. But God didn’t like it and told Musa that He liked the unorthodox way of the shepherd; which Musa ruined.

O’ Musa! What have you done?

Musa went back and found the shepherd after a long struggle and told the shepherd about what God had said. The shepherd smiled, and left. There was no way to go back.

A smile. A smirk. It has always been like that.

And long after Musa, Walli realized how Musa did him wrong, and not only disrupted his one life, but the whole timeline of resurrections… as smooth as one tragedy that lives inside. Like cancer. It runs through your body like blood. Hurting your heart. With every beat. Thump. Thump.

A gradual painful death but not death. You wish for death and when you get it, you are born again to pass through the same corridors of hell.

O’ Musa! What have you done?

Do you even know what hell is? It is here. It is now.

O’ Musa! That was not blasphemy. It was loved by God. Dwell deep down and you will find that there is no ONE WAY. There are ways. Even preaching (tableegh) is not allowed the way you think. If preaching was allowed, then why did God disapprove of your preaching to the shepherd?

I am the shepherd. That shepherd.

I am the wanderer who was loved by God when he was not following God’s path.

I am the being who was approved and the Prophet was disapproved.

I am the blasphemy. That sweet blasphemy that was endorsed by the Creator.

I am Walli. That Walli.

She’s eight years old today. The last time they met was on 30th June, 2016 in Family Court of Lahore.

2,110 days. 5 years, 9 months, 11 days. 69 months, 11 days. 50,640 hours. Whatever. Does counting even matter? Does preaching matter? Does blasphemy matter?

I matter. You matter. Pain matters.

With a smile. A smirk.

Any guilt? No. Anger, yes; but no guilt. This pain and this distance has been nurtured to evolve into an übermensch of pain. How can one opt for devolution?

From Socrates’ drinking of poisoned water with a smirk.

From Mansur Al Haj’s blasphemous death with a laugh.

From Neitzsche’s brain eating amoeba with ecstasy.

From Hussain’s sacrifice for every single blood drop of the family against fascism with a cool breeze blowing from the heaven.

From that shepherd’s love who was blessed by blasphemy and ruined by religion.

To Walli. To here and now. This. Feel this. Today. Never-ending today and the pain which ignites blasphemy, an approved blasphemy by God.

People die. Men die. History vanishes. But pain remains. It’s not Walli’s body but his pain that resurrects again and again.

And again.

Till it’s all over with the Judgement Day. And that Day will be a deliverance for all except those who created pain. You shall see. The day that has been promised. You shall see.

And who created pain in the first place? That’s where it ends. That’s where it starts. That’s where Walli commits blasphemy and a Prophet comes to ruin his life. One life at a time.

That moment of life is stuck. Handing M. over to her mother, never to happen in reverse. To wait for 496 days to meet again. And then with episodes of meetings in the visiting room of the Court for 6 months, the waiting was initiated again. 2,110 days and counting.

Come down dear Lord! Come down for a day. Live in pain for a day. Feel the thumps of a dying heart for a day. Come down and wait for someone you love. Experience what waiting feels like. Come down and wander across the timelines of people who have lost their kids – for a day or forever – and feel this and then let the heavens fall for the Judgement Day. Let this be the end.

Or the beginning of blasphemy. Send someone – a Prophet – again and legalize blasphemy. In the next resurrection of Walli, let it be the century of blasphemy so that pain can be given its due words.

With a smile. A smirk.

You shall see!

Youthopia

4 steps to greatness:

Pre-requisite: Tasbih. It’s handy.

Step 1: Make a story that West is against you and America has purchased traitors to oust your government.

Step 2: Sell it. Market it. Advertise it daily. Tell people your life is in danger too.

Step 3: Use Constitution to breach Constitution and dissolve the government. Do what America was trying to do. Oust yourself. Conquer your fear.

Step 4: Back to Step 2. Sell and market yourself. Daily. Take fake phone calls. Quote Medina, Islam, Hussain, Rumi, and whoever you know. Keep speaking.

Meanwhile

Idiots before Step 3: West is trying to oust the government of Pakistan.

Idiots after Step 3: Khan has ousted the government himself. One ball, three wickets.

One.
Ball.

Dialogue

Government: America tried to change the government of Pakistan.

Russia: Yes.

America: No.

China: What?

Sheikh Rasheed: What?

ISI: What is happening?

Mian Channu: Nothing. Keep recording tapes. Who with who for how long…

Gill: Randi!

Deputy Speaker: Article 5. All rise! All sit! Leave!

Opposition: Let’s play. Ayaz! Sit and make me the PM.

PM: A country, America, Oh! Haha! WTF! Not America! Yes, America!

Aurat March: Is he insane?

Shireen: See! Foreign powers are after me?

Idiots: [cheering with dance moves]

PM: You topple me? I topple myself.

Idiots: Check-mate! Kaptaan!

UK: What mate?

Fawad: Foreign powers. Foreign powers. Foreign powers.

America: You just did what we were supposed to do?

Qureshi: Raymond Davis!

[a creak among the woods of Margalla… hogs with wigs rising from slumber… and big bellies… Suo Moto]

Judge: You don’t wake us up on a lazy Sunday after a sneezy Saturday, where we match bellies and wigs with all the vulgarities of the capital. We need time…

Gill: Dallay!

Judge: What?

Gill: Oh! Allow me to explain linguistics at my home your honor!

Epilogue of Naya (Beta Version 2)

I promised you new homes. 5 lac. 5 million. So, here I bring you my finest offer – ex-Chief Justice Gulzar of Pakistan – who took homes by cranes and the residents by trousers.

Gee Gulzar sb! Aik ghazal?

Welcome to Youthopia.
This is your home.
I know geography.

Nothing Permanent & Nothing Personal

William Clay said, “This is quite a game, politics. There are no permanent enemies, and no permanent friends, only permanent interests.”

Don Vito Corleone said, “Keep your friends close, but enemies closer.”

Nicolo Machiavelli wrote a whole book ‘The Prince’ on this topic. This all is nothing personal, strictly business.

So, opponents of Khan must be rejoicing at the moment that he has taken a U-turn regarding Chaudhary. Same can be said for PMLN who are friends with PPP at the moment and vice versa. All these parties, including all their individual parliamentarians, have done something similar in past.

Changing parties.
Changing friends.
Changing enemies.

And it’s ok.

The thing is an ideology should be there to stand intact. And yes, our political parties and their men don’t have an ideology. A little difference in shade, and they are exactly the same. That’s the ugly problem.

Jinnah had an ideology. He was in Congress. Then he became ambassador of Hindu-Muslim Unity and stood with both Congress and Mulsim League. Then he bycotted both during Non-cooperation Movement. Then he stood with Muslim League for Muslim Representation in United India. And then, way down the line of history, he opted for Pakistan. Can you lable him with U-turns too? NO.

All this while he had AN IDEOLOGY. He had a VISION and he stood – with others or without others – for that ideology only. He even left politics of India and went to England because his ideology was in contrast to the political environment at home.

Sadly, we don’t have a single ideological leader today.

I – His Highness – will stand with anyone for civil supremacy, equal rights, democracy, and rule of law. I am anti-establishment and anti-milbus to the core. That’s all. For that, I will stand – or sit – with anyone down the road.

Now crossing the floor; which is also acceptable. Pretty much allowed by the constitution. Winston Churchill had also benefited from this practice. You cannot label it bad or good just because of your bias.

When Tareen was gathering these ducks in plane, it had a meaning for you. Today, it is disgraceful. No. It’s actually the same thing and only your bias is making it painful. Again, it’s pretty much constitutional. Change it, amend it, or bear it.

That’s pretty much it. Jokes apart, Khan didn’t do wrong in appointing Chaudhary as the next candidate for Punjab, because it’s politics. Chaudhary will remain a vomit nonetheless, who has been vomited in reverse by all the political parties.

U-turns have been taken by all. Khan just has to swallow a lot more because he speaks a lot and that’s because ‘speaking’ is his Unique Selling Point (USP). He called people to Islamabad for Trump Card and offered them nothing, yet crowd went home happily.

One sad thing though is Khan’s ego. He had a majority in both provincial assemblies of KPK and Punjab. And just to sit on PM’s seat in Federal, he is messing two giant provincial governments as well. His ego is one major reason that PTI is crubming in provinces.

Lastly – really – these are puppets without an ideology or a vision. A new combo is made by military after every decade, which is a mixture of different combos, to fight the previous combo, for interests of military business.

Bhutto came through the door of Ayub. Nawaz and MQM through Zia. Chaudries through Musharraf. And Khan through Pasha and Faiz. None of these combinations were democratic or civil. None of them. Those who stood against this practice – like Fatima Jinnah – were insulted, disgraced and eliminated.

The new setup will also be a combo of current defaulters. And you will be sitting in front of your television justifying the new odds of the same old ducklings.

Enjoy the show. The casting is shitty but the content is captivating. You wake-up to something stupid everyday. What else you want in life? Democracy?

Clowns for Clowns

If you are supporting any political party right now – be it PTI, PPP, PMLN, PLMQ, MQM, JUF or TLP – you are more into submission than into conscientiousness.

His Highness is for civil supremacy; be it any form attained through parliamentary politics. Anti-establishment and anti-milbus. And none of these parties are up to this.

All these parties have changed their stances 180 degrees various times. Right now, they are all licking boots and vomiting in reverse and blaming each other for exactly the same thing.

They have no ideology except to come into power.
They have no manifesto.
They have nothing to offer except swapping faces.
They have nothing except overused ideas and slogans.

This is an embarrassing situation. It’s a lose-lose.

Whatever the outcome, public will be the loser. Including those dancing on roads and trucks at the moment.

Clowns for clowns.

All In One… Boot

Ok! We have seen so much and so many lickers since the beginning, but Shahbaz Sharif is defining a new low. Very low low.

Remember Faisal Vawda? He brought a boot in a TV show and placed it on the table. Like it’s the constitution. Which it is. Is it? It is. And that was perhaps the finest ever political demo. Truly.

But Shahbaz is another aura in himself. He kept licking even when his whole party was revolutionizing civil supremacy and vote ko izzat do. He remained calm and kept his tongue out.

And now everyone is Ok. No one is even uttering “selected” anymore. Frustration has taken them all by the balls. The giant balls of fear. Including Khan who is desperate to be selected again and is defining ‘neutral’ again and again everyday.

Zardari and his PPP are not even mumbling. Maryam is targeting Khan cleanly without ‘Faiz’ and ‘Bajwa’. And Nawaz, well, who cares for civil supremacy when you can see your ass back in the PM House?

Ali Wazir is in prison. Ok. No problem.
Baloch students are protesting in Islamabad for weeks. Ok. Who cares?
Missing people and mutilated dead-bodies. Ok. So?
Balochistan!
Military involvement in all civil departments!
DHAs and Cantts!
Ok. None of these matter anymore.

Everything is Ok. There’s no issue right now except government for opposition and opposition for government.

And the Chief Boy is lecturing us. He went to LUMS. Was candid. Could have been more candid in so many other places but Ok. He was even trying to be candid on 23rd March goosebumps’ day. Ok.

But lecturing? No! The boy has been ruling the country – yes – since 2016 and is looking for a 2nd extension; probably till 2025. Yet, he is cadidly lecturing the nation that people keep on bringing the same people in the parliament.

No. We don’t bring them.

And politically speaking, you are the only face intact since 2016. Infact, there have been only 4 Chiefs in the last 24 years. And only 10 since the Rise of Dhaka.

But ok. That’s not the point. The point is hypocrisy. This whole drama is not about Khan or Nawaz or Zardari. It’s all about the next Chief.

One more thing that isn’t ok is the religion card. The Prime Minister is playing with fire in a country which has burned for decades because the state used religion for vested interests. For wars. For Jihad. For politics. For political supremacy. Even the chief used the religion when he thought he could lose.

Yet religion pays here. With blood and bodies and funds and power. Because it is accepted the way preacher preaches. And preachers have their own games and agendas. There is one whole political party, with third highest votes in last General Elections, which flourishes on hate and discrimination based on relgion. Hate and discrimination based on relgion! How ironic!

Too broad. Yet too clear. To the point. Every dot is connected and whole serial at display is without any climax. Climax? Hasn’t it been too long already? Puppets in Islamabad and puppeteers in Pindi.

Your conscience, should you choose to accept it, … this message will self-destruct in five seconds. Don’t worry. You are too stupid to carry-on anyway.

The Pain in Expats’ Arse

The pain of expats is pretty hypocritical.

While looking for stable economies abroad, their hearts melt for a rocky economy at home.

While praying and voting for liberal democrats abroad, they hope for conservative rightists at home.

While offering prayers in mosques in west, they know nothing about state’s attitude towards minorities at home.

While moving in uncensored cultures abroad, they want blasphemy to prevail at home.

While trying to keep religion away from politics abroad, they look for religious references of politicians at home.

While opting for being a second class citizen abroad, they keep mentioning the intellect of first class citizens at home.

While they do everything to evade taxes abroad, they are disgruntled when people avoid taxes at home.

Ask them if they’ll come back to work home? Absolutely not. Their opinions don’t matter abroad, so they become opinionated for things at home for which they are not even stakeholders. Except for currency exchange rates which are pretty much in their favor.

Actually, it’s a confusion between home and abroad. Your abroad is your home and let the actual homies decide for their home. Not your home. Don’t cry your heart out when you ran away long time ago. You left this stage.

You can have an opinion for sure. But you cannot have an opinion for the masses who are actually living and suffering at home who you simply label with words.

It’s pretty much like the domestic affairs where kids who leave their old folks alone are more worried and concerned. The kid actually living with the parents suffer with the blames, physical efforts, worries, and daily errands; while the kids abroad make a video call and are done with their duties.

It’s easier to be a judgemental idiot. Stop poking your nose where you don’t matter.

Random Numbness (Feb 2022)

This world is a comedy of tragedies. And errors. Not precisely.

One of the blunders in our history was Liaquat Ali Khan’s visit to America in 1950. In a polarized world, he chose a pole instead of staying in the neutral zone.

And today, we are witnessing another blunder. Our PM is in Russia while Russia is in war mode in Ukraine. Red carpet and stuff like that are achievements for the incompetents in power, without an iota of sense in the message being given. The tour is being telecasted live through mobile phone videos by Gill as if he’s in a wedding function.

Just when Russia is invading Ukraine, there is one PM walking the red-carpet in Russia. Our PM. Our very own idiot. Shameless!

But who cares? When you are an idiot – and high – your blunders are miracles.

Yemen happened and is happening. Libya, Iraq, Afghanistan, Vietnam happened. Who cares? Powerful comes and conquers. Babar did. Salahuddin Ayubi did. Mehmud Ghaznawi did. Sultan Fatih did.

So did America. So did Russia. That’s not even the point. Point is one idiot sitting in the lap of the powerful when that powerful is poking a weak enemy with military might.

One need to be a ‘conscientious objector’ at the right time.

The idiot also offered live debate with India’s Modi some days back. How convenient is that? While gagging media in his own country through PECA, the PM is in the mood to have a live debate. Freedom here. Not there.

And what can Modi make out of this offer? After all, the two idiots will be live. Two blood hounds. Both in some superiority complex because of their religions. Both disregarding women and minorities. Both narcissists. Both dumbs ruling the dump side of the world.

And who will win? Who will decide? And how will we understand their fallacies? Both the countries won the wars they fought with each other. Who will decide the victories in future wars? Ugly ducklings! Ruling hungry, malnourished, stunted, illiterate and fanatic people on both sides of the border.

Heaven! The world is a heaven. If you are an idiot. Or high.

Sometimes His Highness wonders how these people get here? With so little sense and intellect, they achieve the apparent top order. There was Trump. And there are Bolsonaro, Boris, Modi, Imran and many other populists around who are absolutely stupid. They make senseless analogies and are always confident enough to sustain.

Anyway. PECA is here. We can’t talk, but we can. We can make analogies. After all, who is going to look after our words? Bureaucrats? Another dumb lot. Dumb people are dangerous but first, they are dumb. Tough to reach you.

PECA is going to gag things more. It’s not about the idiot PM but the duffer boys. Every now and then, there is a leak and a new General gets exposed. The recent one being General Akhtar Abdur Rahman. He dealt directly in the business of Jihad. Make mujahedeens. Get dollars. In cash. So, his generations – the two Akhtars in different political parties – may have fortune for decades to come. So, you must remain mute under PECA.

After all, what could you do about the island in Australia and Pizzas in America? Nothing. You cannot defeat those who have weapons and the whole narrative of religion under their arms. You mock. You get abducted. Like people get abducted. Here and there. More there.

PECA is draconian. It is needed where regimes are dictatorial and military based. Ours is a military dictatorship; so, it was the need of the hour.

PECA is meticulous. You can criticize but you cannot criticize. You can mock but you cannot mock. You can disagree but you cannot disagree. You can call them randy dogs but you cannot call them randy dogs.

Athar Minallah gave some fine comments on PECA and you should read them. Rest; Arif Alvi is a man of bills. Hundreds and hundreds of bills. And with an impotent opposition like the current one, there is no one to halt.

Anyhow.

Some weeks back, Iqrar ul Hassan was served with his own medicine. Well, he must have done something. “He must have done something; otherwise agencies don’t beat (or abduct or kill) people like that.” What are you getting at? That’s the typical sentence we slap on the face of all the missing and dumped ones. Must have done. Something.

And people die. Everyone dies. Noori died a couple of days back. He had a tombstone on his bed. He harassed someone. Then he evolved. And then he realized he didn’t harass her. Now she will be answerable to Noori’s kids.

Saari raat jaaga, jaga re…
Lagay dil mera, Haraam re…

Anyway.

Just remember, behind beautifully meaningful songs, are harassers sometimes. And you must think, what was she doing with Noori in the car’s backseat. “Must have done something”.

And then Rehman Malik died. Must have done…

The world has always been falling apart. Your world. His Highness’s world. And the world. It has always bled. Power, wars, religious wars and superiority, for some decades of rule, and that’s all. Most of your investments and returns won’t be utilized by you. Perhaps not even by your kids. But the current existence – the present time – matters; as you are comfortable in cozy beds, hot showers, and moving around in luxury vehicles. That really matters. That’s all that matters. Because we are mere consumers.

And after that, death matters. Death, we don’t know of. How? To where? Till when? No one knows. Tariq Jameel says that we will be served with alcohol and women. Sweet alcohol. Beautiful women. So many. Here and there. But for that, you need to follow these men in the business of religion. Nah!

Just like you followed the business of Jihad in the 80s. You let your sons die. And in the end, Generals’ sons enjoy. You have blood and some graves. They have blood-money. But they will die too.

Worry not. Ukraine will fall. And our idiot will be remembered for his walk on the bloody carpet.

Random Numbness – Hated Ideas and Nostalgia

Cold War between America and USSR made the way to space. Just to attack each other’s capital at a distance of 7,816-km through rockets, the two went up in the air. Up, up, Until space. And then moon. Cold War is the reason that world is getting into the extended universe today. Interstellar.

Capitalism is the reason people have stuff. So much stuff, inside and out. Cars. Mobiles. Laptops. Clothes. Shoes. And hundreds of unnecessary things. Capitalism has offered cheap fast food 24/7. Globalization and McDonalization. You can tap your screen and anything will be at your doorstep at a pretty competitive price. The connected world through smartphones and internet at almost ZERO charges (as you are the product in such cases) is a blessing (in disguise) of capitalism. No more expensive calls or long awaited letters.

Colonialism had its own givings. Rails reached all across the world from UK within three decades only because of colonialism. The tracks were constructed in Africa and Asia which failed to expand after colonialism collapsed. Afghanistan has none even today.

Colonialism is also a reason that world have maps today. When Europeans sailed into oceans to find and conquer new worlds, they made maps. East India Company gave India its first accurate and comprehensive map. The same colonizers found heritage sites like Harappa and Mohenjo-Daro which were nothing of concern for locals.

Colonialists came with technology. They built dams and dug canals. Made new cities with new businesses and banks. Some of the giant cities of South Asia were established / expanded by the British Raj; including Karachi, Calcutta and Mumbai. Our tourism hotspot – Murree – has also a colonial history. Every major city of South Aisa has Raj’s monuments, schools, universities, hospitals, roads, bridges, tracks, museums, libraries, etc.

Spanish Colonialists went to North and South America and made their ways there. All the colonizers were cruel and unsympathetic, no disagreement. They annihilated some of the oldest tribes in America, Australia, Africa and New Zealand. There is not a single New Zealander aboriginal alive today.

New Zealand didn’t even exist for humans as no one reached there till 800 years ago. Today, we have Kiwis who lose finals in Cricket and Lord of the Rings.

Darwin and his theory of evolution also resulted through colonization. He was part of a sailing mission to find and conquer new world. European colonizers used to set voyages with scientists, botanists, etc. So came Darwin in one of the voyages of Royal Navy. He collected and studied species across the world for years and thus evolved Darwinism.

A thousand years back, Asians ruled the world, Europeans didn’t count, and America didn’t exist. People feared the giant armies of Asian Empires, particularly of Arab, Turkish, and Chinese. But they were least innovative and had no thirst of finding new worlds beyond oceans. They just wanted to rule Asia.

For example, gunpowder was innovated in China. For 600 years, it was used in fireworks only, and no one thought to use it as a weapon. But then, one day, Constantinople’s walls were bombarded by gunpowder by Turks. Fateh!

Anyway, when Europe was thirsting around the world and finding America and Australia, Asia was busy fighting Asians. When Europe was rising from ashes with ships, warships, companies, banks, royal armies, scientists, innovation, rails, and technology; Asians had swords and elephants. Soon, Asian giants succumbed to mere couple of hundreds of Europeans. A few intelligent and cunning colonizers conquered the rich world of Indus and Ganges.

Such is the history of the world. Cruel.

No one talks about the Russian soldier who was wounded in snow when Napoleon came. We don’t even know the history of common people and their sufferings. We know the history of emperors and empires only. Only fiction based on true events told us some actual stories. War & Peace of Leo Tolstoy told us that the wounded soldier staring the sky was Andrei Nikolayevich Bolkonsky. Relax! It’s a fictional character. Just like Zia of A Case of Exploding Mangoes. Pun intended!

After all, fiction is the powerful imagination of the unheard.

Greed made every single product around us. Capitalism made this whole world of today. We were going to be a century back (comparatively, not genuinely) without capitalism. Wars made new empires. Empires made nations. Nations bacame states. States give us goosebumps today with looney-tunes on parade days.

And then the system brainwashes you. Let me give you an example.

Mass transit is a system for public. A service. There can be debates and disagreements but the state makes you think that it’s a burden on nation. The service is not generating enough revenues and is running on government support on taxpayers money. And you forget, you are the taxpayer and it’s a service for you. You keep your eyes close on huge useless military budgets. You have no questions for fencing and unfencing of the border. You have no issue on hundreds of billions utilized on houses of generals, governors, ministers, bureaucrats and their luxury kitchens and cars and roads to their homes; but, metro is a burden. And you debate these burdens with your friends. This is the system and you just keep on playing as a pawn for the queen.

Nothing catchy in homeland. Any homeland It’s just the business of the riches that makes you a patriot. Or a traitor.

By the way, are you a fan of Shahrukh Khan? Haven’t seen a human-brand bigger than him. The tunes of his songs takes us back to late 90s and early 00s. Nostalgic compositions of A. R. Rehman, the finest one after R. D. Burman.

Easy! It’s Random Numbness. SRK can have a cameo appearance anytime.

90s had its nostalgic charm. Telephones were there but no smartphones. Computers but no laptops. CDs and DVDs were the game changers but VCRs and casettes were alive. Marriages were organized mostly on streets. And 80s. 70s. 40s. 1800s. As Sylvia Plath wrote, “I’m nostalgic for a place that doesn’t exist. I’m homesick for lips I’ve never kissed.

Nothing serious. His Highness didn’t post anything new for last some weeks. So, here is this Random Numbness on ideas / ideologies we hate but these ideas / ideologies shaped us. And the world around us.

Ending this with John Lennon:

Keep you doped with religion and sex and TV,
And you think you’re so clever and classless and free.
But you’re still fucking peasants as far as I can see,
A working class hero is something to be.

After Murree

PM: What’s this new mess?

Fawad: I lost the count at 100,000. We were doing really great.

PM: 22 is the count idiot. And you?

Sheikh: I am an interior minister. That snow is not my concern.

PM: Trains were not your concern either. You broke the news, right?

Sheikh: Habitually.

PM: Okay, so what’s your take?

Sheikh: Had an omellete.

PM: Not in-take. Take on the matter?

Sheikh: I am interior…

PM: Enough of that crap! You are as much interior as Qureshi is exterior. You are more in the information ministry to stay alive. Now, tell me?

Sheikh: This happens everywhere. Just like train accidents. People die in the snow every winter. And people have died in the previous tenures of PMLN too.

PM: That’s thoughtful. Give me some empathy. I need to be empathetic.

Gill: A little empathy and people will blackmail you like they did last year with the dead bodies in Balochistan.

PM: True, Gill, but I need words to handle dead bodies. They don’t even decompose in the cold.

Fawad: Martyrdom. Give them shahadat. Badges of glorious death.

PM: But they went to enjoy the snow. They were tourists not fighters.

Gill: Remember the APS kids? They were also students in a school. Tags like shahadat and martyrdom keep the actual questions of security lapse in a cantonment away.

PM: Yes, people are stupid.

Fawad: And they died of their stupidity.

Sheikh: No disagreement.

Gill: Offer them martyrdom.

Shibli: In the name of Pakistan and tourism.

PM: That’s poetic, Shibli! Keep that up.

Fawad: I need to tweet. Tell me where we stand now!

PM: I will tweet. You all will retweet. Blame the previous regimes when you can’t handle anymore.

Gill: Noted sir.

PM: So, here it is: they laid their lives for the prosperous future of tourism in Pakistan. They are shaheeds. They sacrificed their present for our better future. When you were sleeping, they were…

Fawad: Don’t romanticize much. It wasn’t Kargil.

Sheikh: Can we call this collateral damage?

Shibli: It was neither a missed drone on a village nor a CTD action in Sahiwal.

PM: A verse again, Shibli. Keep that up.

Shibli: Thank you sir.

Gill: Unlike father, unliked son.

PM: Ok, this meeting is over. I need to snort… snore. I will tweet and you will retweet and let the administration do what they can do.

Gill: How long will we keep on answering for every death? I am tired of this. Balochistan, Karachi, Sahiwal, Sialkot, Islamabad, now this. Even rapes are somehow our responsibility. We need to come up with a solution for all the upcoming deaths and rapes.

Shibli: Like Deputy Commissioners on Twitter.

Fawad: Or like boys coming out as heroes in every tragedy, even when they are part of the tragedy.

Sheikh: Don’t cross the line Fawad. You sat in their lap, under the table, over the table and everywhere.

Fawad: And you Sheikh? You came out of the pit on your own?

Shibli: No need to fight. We have our arguments and we have dead bodies too.

PM: Again, poetic! But let’s end this. It’s too cold here.

Gill: Yes, let’s disagree in agreement. Let’s tweet and handle this on Twitter.

PM: Wait for my words on Twitter. And let me not be blackmailed.

Tweet: Tourists in Murree should have checked the weather. They should have gone for snowfall in the Summer when it’s easier. But, let’s pray for the martyred souls who have sacrificed their lives for a prosperous tourism future of Pakistan. They are shaheeds and shaheeds are always alive.