Category: Pakistan

I thought I would leave these topics for some time but then they do something, and you cannot miss the content. And if nothing, I am blessed to see the comedy of bureaucrats on routine. And I love that. I would choose this comedy any day over Abhishek Upamanyu. Kidding. That was sarcasm. A language I haven’t mastered.

You know, they tried to get criminals from Katcha. Katchay kay daaku. Police planned to circle the area and the military planned to come from the top. When you come from top, it’s called riding. Anyway, it failed. Couldn’t do anything. And that’s just one area. Land on all sides. Neighboring no other country or sea. Nothing. Just two pathetic forces at display of disgrace.

And then, they thought what they could do? So, they had a fight. I totally love that. When villains are fighting each other, I just enjoy the show and I like blood. But I want equality in that too. The damages should be equal.

Police getting beaten up by the army is not an unusual thing. It’s a usual act. Happens routinely. Sometimes, the entire police station is turned upside down. It’s a sad thing. Officially, I condemn. How dare they?

Happy? Ok!

This would bring nothing. You cannot take those who have the ultimate authority and monopoly over violence. That’s our military. They don’t care even if they have to kill on live TV. They install cameras in your bedrooms. They kidnap anyone anywhere. They can make villain hero and a hero villain overnight. They have it all. All the expertise to win locally, yet to lose otherwise.

Remember that incidence when a Wapda lineman was killed for disconnecting meter of an army officer? Tell me what happened afterwards. Nothing. At least, they didn’t kill anyone now. All they got is bad publicity and you may never know if they wanted it intentionally or not. This we can never know because, after all – they are duffers too.

Having said this, His Highness – being His Highness- condemns this officially and would direct the authorities to submit a report. Otherwise, I loved that. How couldn’t I?

And how couldn’t you?

Last thing. I wrote some different (and serious) stuff in the last 6-7 days. You didn’t notice. Now, because an idiotic act of least interesting people / institutions has been mentioned, you will outpour your emotions. Like a crowd. Or maybe not, because this has been mentioned.

Those 50-60 people who read those words… are the beautiful minds.

Toba Tek Singh incident proves that we are as fucked up as those brother and father are. I don’t want to mention the details, and I don’t want to mention why they murdered that lady. Sometimes, you can’t even type the fucked-up scenario this country puts you in.

So, I wrote what I wrote yesterday without deviating to Toba Tek Singh.

But one should remember the men of this country. This country has bearded men sodomizing kids in the holiest places. I have seen a clip where a maulvi has Quran in hand, reciting with his tongue, and doing an inappropriate act on an underage girl all the while. There are such clips in numbers. And blasphemy never happens in such cases. Peti-bhai. Business. Never mind.

This is also the country that hates women in public spaces. You disagree with Aurat March or Feminism. It’s ok. Fine. But let them voice themselves. Let them speak. It’s been centuries since they have been in forced silence. Let them speak even if it hurts because they were hurt even by the voices like Aristotle and Nietzsche.

This country has yet to accept that gender X exists. They know how to make fun with this gender and how to take them to bed, but as soon as someone will ask for basic rights, men will snatch him/her of his/her life and would dissect the body of the living being as serving themselves with a raw steak.

Such are the times I love writing what I wrote yesterday. If I must choose one, I will choose none. With religion in Constitution and religion in PPC and no religion in mosques and madrassahs, its suffocating to live in this land if you are not from the fucked-up majority.

To whom can you complain? Even the military and intelligence of this country run their business of power and fear by making hidden videos of women of families of interest. They know who is taking a shower and who is sleeping with who. Meanwhile, someone enters through the border and bombs a market anywhere is none of their business.

This is a fucked-up country. From top to bottom.

The revolution in this country will start when the whole society will rip off its clothes itself and will march naked to the city with the citadel. After placing the constitution and the PPC inside, they will burn the bastards and their booklets to make a new beginning. Till then, you can imagine this.

If they are treating them—vulnerable women and children—this way in Islamabad, imagine how they treat them back in Balochistan.

Imagine a loved one who is lost, missing, without a trace, and the whereabouts are not being registered. Police not helping. District administration not helping. As if the person never ever existed. Or as if you speak in a language that no one understands.

Imagine, after all the failures, you reach the capital only to be treated like insects—water showers, threats, police raids, no media coverage.

Imagine getting missed in pursuit of your missing loved ones.

This winter is harsh. There’s been no sun since mid-December. It’s probably the harshest winter passing through the country. Blankets feel useless. And then there are people who left their homes in this same winter, marched all across the country to reach the capital, now sitting on roads, sleeping on pavements for days in and days out… For nothing.

Imagine the suffering with another layer of suffering and suffering becoming cliche itself. Overused. Overemphasized.

And then imagine again: if they treat them this way in Islamabad, how would they have treated them back in Balochistan.

Good luck to over 66,000 MDCAT students today. See! You all won’t qualify. There are not that many MBBS seats.

Some will miss the test today.
Some will be asked to leave the center.
Afterwards, a whole lot won’t be able to score competitively.

And it doesn’t really matter in the long-run.

Your life will settle and will make its path on its own. Like a river finding its way from mountains to plains to all the way to the ocean. The final destination.

I too had my share of missings. Couldn’t opt the field I wanted to. Couldn’t get to the college I wanted to (that’s also because I forgot to apply there). Couldn’t even think to apply for the university of my choice because of very low marks in FSc (63%). The only focus was to finish library books in the university (which I did pretty well), and passed out with 2.52 GPA. Failed Preci when I scored 65 in Essay in CSS. And the next time when I passed it all, couldn’t manage to be on the final merit list with an allocation. That CSS journey happened without any teacher, any academy, or any book.

But. Nothing matters. It hurts in that moment. A lot. But then there is this awakening and you get to know how foolish you were going to stay otherwise.

Today, there isn’t any remorse of those missings. Nothing at all. Never left a room like an idiot with a standing ovation. And this matters to me the most. Because when I see those who are what I wanted to become, I feel peaceful. I am way better off with the world I have inside my mind.

Anyway.

It looks like I am writing for those who are not going to make it. Maybe because I can relate to them more. This way, you can relate to me as well. That’s the sad part.

Good luck with life. It’s messed up no matter what.

Once upon a time, a Chief Justice went against the Boy. The boy got angry and dragged the chief by his collar and threw him out of his office. This angered the law fraternity.

They stood up. Turned around. And burned the citadel down.

The boy had to run away out of the country with a tail between his legs. Didn’t face courts again even when he was ordered to be hanged till death.

That was a time of martial law. Direct martial law. Nothing in disguise.

Today, the Chief Justice isn’t even ready to take such a risk even though he knows a whole majority will stand with him. But no. No my dear.

And this is not a time of martial law. This is worse. This is the devolutionary process passing at a uniformed pace.

But. Don’t worry. Just wait and watch. Countries and nations pass through these stages before becoming something. Nothing stands forever. Neither good nor bad.

#SakiNama who was about to become #Rasputin but was denied through transparent polling.

First, you make sugar. With cheapest labor. Subsidized electricity. And rent seeking.

Then you share your output with the cartel members. Numbers. Tons.

Then you export the sugar. Best is Afghanistan. The whole logistics get its undue share. Particularly the boys and the bureaucrats.

Then, sugar shortage is created in the local market and is widely publicized. Which isn’t even a lie.

And then, you import the exact same sugar that you had exported. At much higher rates.

This is how this business of sugar works here. The same has been successfully experimented on rice and wheat in past. Ideally, it’s one commodity per season. You don’t do all in a single time. No. Don’t be a greedy idiot.

This was lesson 101 on selling a product. Twice. It’s B2B to BC Selling.

Boys give free pass and route to such exports. Like Ehsan Ullah Ehsan got. Oops! I didn’t intend to deviate.

Since deviated already, have you ever wondered why it’s always Narowal or Sialkot sector that gets firings from the neighbor? Why not Lahore? Is it because DHA is just over the border? Or is it also a business of war working like a cartel?

Buzz off mate! I said no oops-i-did-it-again today.

Anyway. Bureaucrats do all the redtapism to make the impossible, possible; without a burden on conscientiousness. The only burden they afford is on national exchequer.

While these subsidies on elite businesses are generated through extra taxes on everything that can’t be taxed. The politicians approve these subsidies. To divide a blame of wrongdoings, they approve such things through cabinet meetings.

That’s the crux. You can arrest one man. But you cannot arrest a whole cabinet.

That’s how the cartel and its logistics make money.

By the way, a big bureaucrat died recently. Yes, all praises. In awe. Obviously. Death of a big gun is always heart wrenching. But that death reminds me of an incident that happened in Punjab not long ago. Pretty low but nothing unusual from a usual bureaucrat. That has been mentioned here on this page. But for now, offer your condolences and prayers.

Hush now. May you all rest in peace too.

Bajwa. He’s the most democratic Chief I’ve ever seen.

Pizza. No. He’s clean. I’m satisfied because he has written a letter to me. He should head CPEC and make Papa John proud.

Ghafoor. My 5th Gen good boy.

Faiz. Umm! Too chief to be good.

Three years have passed? Jesus! Didn’t realize that. Let me move the constitutional amendment for you my boy. Ask Faiz to bring all the parliamentarians in agreement.

Asma Jahangir died. One less traitor in the country.

We are on one page. In fact, we only have one page. It’s so nice to be on that page.

Missing people? We have made a bill. But it’s missing. That means there are no missing people but missing pages.

Musharraf. No, he’s not a traitor. Courts are wrong. Shouldn’t be tried at home. Absolutely not. Nawaz? Yes, absolutely yes.

2013. Rigged. 2018. Free and fair.

Pashteen. Treacherously ridiculous. Ban him.

Tere bin Laden is shaheed. Oh! Sorry. Shaheed.

Dead bodies. Can’t blackmail me. They died because they lived in Balochistan. And those who live, die.

ARY. That’s the only channel offering truth. GEO always demoralizes my boys. Sorry, our boys.

Media is free. As long as it is not critical of my boys. Make fun of me. Slightly. But boys, no. Ban it Pemra. Pick those who do.

Munir. No comments. But I request him to come and talk. Let’s talk. I’m ready for anything. No Faiz? No problem.

Ehsan Ullah Ehsan escaped? Never heard of him.

Ali Wazir? Who? In jail? Must have done something. Some treason.

Bajwa is accomplice. Yes. You are right. Faiz? No. You are.

Moral: No morals. No ethos. No pathos. No logos.

Conclusion: Likewise. Nawaz became democrat as soon as he was kicked in the bum. I became a democrat the same way too.

Herd’s conclusion: See, we are all woke now. IK has opened our eyes and has exposed the boys for the first time in the history of homo sapiens.

There are two ways:

1. Invest millions. Campaign day and night. Speak a lot. Bicker. Argue. Work hard. Hold the right testes in left hand. Win elections. Become a CM.

2. Fraud with taxes. Make business. Earn a name. Make a fortune. Sit with the wrong people in the right positions. No need of elections. Hold the right testes in left hand. Become a caretaker CM. Violate the constitution and stay a non-caretaker CM with as much power.

These are the two ways.

Mohsin Naqvi is Way 2 go in Punjab. For now. So good with holding. The chair.

The only difference is the stability. One has to hold. With fear, care, love, and affection without an iota of disgust for the disgusting.

Now over to duffers:

A little face-saving – of the constitution – could have been possible by changing the caretaker setup with another caretaker setup after every 90 days. But no. Constitution doesn’t matter. Face-saving doesn’t matter either. The only thing that matters is: they have the power, and they know how to demonstrate it.

With that, India is over the moon. Pakistan is still struggling with the ‘general’ problem.

Nawaz: I want Dar to be the Caretaker PM.

Zardari: No. We had SS. Now it’s our turn.

Fazlu: Where’s my turn?

Zardari: You are not playing.

Asim: Decide and let me know. So I may reject.

Dar: Make me the CPM. I will stay neutral. I promise.

Zardari: Will you get the surgery done?

Dar: What for?

Nawaz: To become neutral. Like Bajwa. Don’t be an arse Dar.

Dar: I was serious.

Fazlu: So was I.

Asim: You boys are never serious.

Zardari: But you boys are always serious.

Asim: Don’t taunt.

Zardari: Just don’t make me focus on you boys else I can be a cunning…

Asim: Husband?

Zardari: Father.

Nawaz: Guys! Let us decide this. I am always for synergy. Let’s do it together.

Fazlu: So, am I in too now?

Asim: No.

Dar: And me.

Asim: [on intercom] Escort Dar.

PA: Escorts now?

Asim: Not those escorts bloody well! Take this Dar out of the room.

PA: Sir.

Nawaz: So, let’s final. What do you say Zardari.

Zardari: Let it be Jillani.

Nawaz: Done.

Asim: Ok.

— Next Day — Escorts Room —

Asim: [on phone] It can’t be PPP or PMLN. It should be our BAP. Kakar to be the CPM.

PA: Sir.

Even in martial laws, elections were held. Engineered or faked, but couldn’t be ignored. Such was the power of polls. Against poles.

Ayub held elections in 1962. ‘Defeated’ Fatima Jinnah.

Yahya held elections in 1970. Didn’t like the results. Dissected.

Zia held non-party elections in 1985 to bring Junejo. But Junejo proved to be more democrat than democratic civilians.

Musharraf held elections in 2002. Brought PMLQ. Rhymed so well.

Musharraf, again, held elections in 2008. His tombstone.

And here comes 2023. Elections unconstitutionally delayed in two provinces already. Another unconstitutional delay in General Elections on cards. The devolution from engineered and robbed elections has reached ‘no elections’. So well.