I’m You.

Nothing has changed. Maybe a little, but not really. I would insist on standing correctly.

I still wake up as a believer. A man of faith. With the passing of the day, the belief system transforms – evolution or devolution. It adopts more of atheism. By the night, its agnosticism that wins. And then, it starts all over again with the next sunrise.

If I had to choose one, I would choose none. Each has its own beauty.

Peek a little at any religion and it’s beautiful. See their books. Their Prophets – or non-Prophets. See their scriptures. Their religious places. I love religious places of all kinds. Mosque, Church, Temple, Gurdwara, Synagogue, etc. Each beautiful in its own way.

None of the religion says to mock. None say to hurt. None say to snatch. None say to rob, rape, abuse, murder, or anything bad. Yet, their competition never ends. And it would never end. And that’s not fine. Or maybe it is fine because over a billion people would die of hunger if there wasn’t any religion.  

You can say every religion is beautiful. Or each one is detestable. The meaning would remain the same. Do you know how many bloody wars atheists and agnostics have fought throughout history?

Yes. Blame the people. Not religion. A convenient offering. Denied. Dismissed.

Anyway. I was talking about my religion.

A beautiful religion to look forward to in the day. And nothing to look forward to by the night except your own self. Your own guts, your own imagination, your own power of will, your own lethargy, your own words, your own keyboard. Your own stubbornness not to make a dua for another year. Then another. Then…

That’s His Highness’s way of life. It’s nothing to be proud of.

From giving ownership to the Divine in the day and debating to get it back during the noon and successfully getting it back by the night. How bright? Did I ever tell you that I am a good lawyer too.

Poetic! How can it be that you talk about religion, and you don’t rhyme?

Are you interested in space and cosmos? It’s consistent expansion. The more we know, the more we don’t know. The more we see, the more is yet to be seen. From masters of the universe, we have not even been able to manage ourselves as a single dot in space. These spheres, these stars, these planetary systems, the galaxies, the cosmos and what not. The black holes – the most interesting aspect of the universe; after Marla. Obviously.

Well, I don’t know much about space. Almost nothing. Except that it is the most interesting subject in the history of us. And that is also a source of making the point that there is nothing. Or maybe, the point is the exact opposite.

Anyway, back to where we were before the usual deviation. Everything is beautiful. Religion too. The God too. The whole scripture too.

But then you see a child with cancer. Or a mother dying of hunger. Or a war killing thousands of children just because they were born in the cursed land. Or any other tragedy. Like a person living on dialysis for the last ten years. Something. Anything. And then you believe that this can’t be divine work. This can’t be a work of art. This is too ugly and too messy to be appreciated.

You may disagree. I disagree with myself too. Because I know nothing.

There is not a single subject that I know of. Master of none.

Yet, there is not a single subject of which I don’t know. Master of all.

Because I am you.

And we are all like that. I am you. You are me. We are all the same – with the only exception that I am writing these words while you are reading your thoughts.

Other than that, we all have the same source of DNA. We all may be children of God. Or not. But we all deserve to live the way want to live. And we all deserve to be respected.

Except those. You know those already.

With that, Jumma Mubarik!

Kingdom of Heaven (movie)

‘By the word “religion” I’ve seen lunacy of fanatics of every denomination be called the will of God. I’ve seen too much religion in the eyes of too many murderers. Holiness is in right action and courage on behalf of those who cannot defend themselves.’

These are words from the movie ‘Kingdom of Heaven’ (2005) with an enormous cast including Liam Neeson, Orlando Bloom, Eva Green, Michael Sheen, and others.

Kingdom of Heaven can be called as one of the most balanced movies on the topic of Jerusalem. The movie starts in 1184. That was the time when Christian rule of Jerusalem (1099 to 1187) was near its end. Saladin was to conquer the Kingdom of Heaven – Jerusalem – in 1187; after that it would remain with Muslims till World War I when British would finally took control over it.

Jerusalem. Can be called a holy land. Or a cursed land. Depends on your lens and bias. Prophet David (Daud AS) was the first major figure of the city. Then his son King Solomon (Suleman AS) ruled the land who had powers to control spirits. He built the First Temple of Jerusalem. In later events of the history, Christ (Esa AS) was murdered – or resurrected – in this city of Jerusalem.

And how many were murdered – or martyred – in Crusades? Who knows? The land is still not fertile.

Long story short, certain empires came and ruled. With the change in religion of Emperor Constantine of the Byzantine Empire, Jerusalem became more Christian from Jewish from 4th to 7th century. That Christian rule of Jerusalem was ended by conquest of the Caliph Umar RA in 637. Some centuries later, Sultan Mehmed Fateh would conquer Constantinople in 1453 that would bring the end of Byzantine Empire.

Well, that was not the story of the movie. I deviated. No apologies. Just wanted to recommend this movie. Have watched it twice before and every time it’s a treat with beautiful OST. There’s a scene in the movie which goes as follows:

Balian: What is Jerusalem worth?

Saladin: Nothing. [walks away and turns]

Saladin: Everything!

Movie: Kingdom of Heaven (2005)

IMDB rating: 7.3/10. Mine: 9/10.

A Story About Love

A woman had a good business back in old days. She had workers but she needed a man to handle all her trades and financial matters honestly, locally as well as abroad.

Then she heard of a man who had a reputation for honesty and integrity. She asked him to manage her business. The man agreed and she hired him.

He took charge of his new job and managed it with utmost honesty. He was not only honest with his employer but with his customers too. If a product was faulty or had some defect, he would tell the customer before making a sale.

Gradually, the business flourished even more. The businesswoman was so happy and impressed by the man that she fell in love and proposed him. The man accepted the proposal and together they made a beautiful story of an ideal couple.

That is a love story we all know. Yet, we all hide it somehow. An empowered and businesswoman? A male subordinate? A woman proposing a man? A woman 15 years elder than him?

An eternal love story.

The woman was Khadija RA.

The man was Prophet Muhammad PBUH.

Then, we became the followers, and we messed up all the concepts of love.

The Other Side…

Since women’s day is over, one must recognize another emerging truth of the society. Gone are the days – old days – when elders used to say:

“بچے چھوڑ کر گھر آجاؤ دو دنوں میں دماغ ٹھیک ہو جائے گا۔”

Scenario has changed. Or is changing pretty rapidly.

In the old days, fathers handled finances and mothers handled homes and kids. (I’m not defending that setting nor criticizing it.) With more needs, expensive education and healthcare, gadgets, competitiveness as well as women empowerment; both the parents entered the job market.

From sole financial custodians, fathers became partners in different settings of sharing at 100:0 to 50:50 to 80:20 or whatever. And motherhood was outsourced. Or you may say, parenthood was outsourced. To grandparents or daycare centers or maids.

The social norms further changed with social media. Fathers, apart from sole / main earners, had to prove inclusive and participatory fatherhood. From bathing kids to changing diapers, chores were shared. Gradually, particular concepts of fatherhood and motherhood intermingled.

مائے نی میں کنوں آکھاں!

Such poetry may not resonate as mother oriented as it did before. Or it may.

Where fathers still are the sole earners and mothers stay at home, the situation is even more intense. These homes are not homes without maids but a mess. Now yes, you may say women are not maids. But then, fathers are not mothers either. At least in this case.

There is division of labor and there should be division of labor.

Today, mothers are fathers. And fathers are mothers too. And in a brutal analogy – again not taking sides – maids are mothers too. Outsourced mothers.

Tyler Durden once said, “We’re a generation of men raised by women.”

Times may change the words to, “We’re a generation of men raised by maids.“

It’s a little sensitive topic. May hurt some. Or none. Doesn’t matter. A very harsh post – to which I stand – was written on women’s day. I stand with women’s right to life, decision, work, and whatever they may choose for themselves.

Let me add another thing here, since divorce rate is going up, family courts are having more cases than ever before. And in family courts, women have all the chips to play. Men suffer there for months and years for a single glimpse of their child. If you ever want to see men suffering, go to family courts. But yes, not all men are saints there either.

Anyway, back to the topic. Just wanted to say what should have been said. There are heroes on both sides. And villains as well. That doesn’t mean one should be biased enough to bang the one side only. Hence,

اب باپ بچے سنبھال لیتے ہیں۔

Financial Blunders

Blunders happen. But then, there are blunders only bastards can perform with eloquence.

Fiscal year or financial year budget is of 12 months. “Year.” Our FY starts from 1st of very July and ends on 30th of June. Budget – both development and non-development – is for a complete FY. This also means, that all the un-utilized funds shall lapse on 30th of June. Departments try their best – which is at par with worse – to utilize maximum funds.

And utilization is by far the only KPI that bureaucracy knows. Anyway, we are discussing something else. Not bastards.

Since we had an ugly caretaker-cum-PCB setup in Punjab, the budget presented for FY 2023-24 was for July to October. Funds lapsed on 31st October. Interestingly, no one had idea that funds would lapse. Even Finance Department was clueless. You can’t even believe what kind of comedy that was.

Anyway, new budget was announced for November 2023 to February 2024. That also lapsed in the last week of February 2024.

And now, surprise, surprise! Budget has been announced for one month i.e., March 2024. From 1st March to 31st March. By the time funds will be released – i.e., mid of the month – it will also be the time for closing of the Financial Year. Or financial month.

What next? Budget for a week? It’s so gross.

That’s why I say you cannot sustain with bureaucracy anymore. Even good politicians cannot do anything good. They will innovate such ugly measures that nothing will happen yet the whole secretariat will look like an Emergency Department. Everyone is running. Doing nothing.

Iddat & The Judge

You played with the religion. In the end, religion outplayed you. That’s how people are done and dusted in a theological state.

Iddat has punished an ex PM to prison. While qisas and diyat helped murderers get away with crime and punishment.

Like once, the whole state was playing with Jihad and Mujahideen. Until both turned back and took the state violently with over 80,000 dead bodies.

I know. You have your arguments. But I have counterarguments. I’m not against the religion. I’m against the use of it by the state and people.

In the end, religion will wipe away basic rights if the state will own it to set its own narrative. For common people, it’s a lose-lose. Always.

Don’t fall into a trap. Differentiate between personal and public choices. And if you cannot respect someone’s privacy, then be ready to be violated of your own personal space some day.

It’s a lose-lose. Remember that.

———-

Let me. Let me think this through by imagining myself as a Judge. I am a Judge. Yes, I am.

So, how did I do it? How did I analyze iddat? If I can analyze iddat period, can I analyze period too? Can I? If I think I can, I can. Steno! Note that one. It’s a quotable quote and I am the Judge.

Ok. Let me extend my intellect. What if I order that all the parents must submit DNA tests of their children to the court? Or Nadra. Else, Nadra may be ordered to cancel B-Forms of their children. How strict is that order? I have bounded the entire generation to my order. 250 million.

But I am not done yet. I am the Judge.

I will clean the marriages. I will differentiate between your harami and halali lineage. Ooooh! I’m so excited. This will lead to divorces, but I don’t care. A marriage should be on halal terms. Or there should be no marriage at all. We will go back. To the times of matrilineal societies. No marriages. No divorces. I will be remembered as the judge who ended divorces.

This is getting on my nerves. This is getting on my nerves. I need my pill. Order, order. The court is adjourned.

Society of the Snow (movie)

Didn’t get any such idea after ‘Alive’ but after ‘Society of the Snow’ I can tell how a similar incident shall unfold in future.

For instance, the plane has crashed in an isolated nowhere and some are dead and some are alive. After eating the chocolates and whatever was on the plane, they will instantly turn into cannibalism. Why? Because at least one of them have seen the movie.

Consider, half of the survivors have seen the movie.

I know how to survive.
How?
We need to eat the dead ones. Otherwise we all will die.
That’s insane.
No it’s not. I’ve seen a movie of a similar plane crash. Some of them waited and died for no reason.
Yeah, yeah, I’ve seen that movie too.
I’ve heard about it.
Yes, let’s do the needful.

That’s it. With a clean conscience. In fact, they will cook and make better food with the available ingredients. Roasted meat. Kebabs if possible. Kapooray.

There will be a couple of vegetarians with dilemmas to fight with.

But then the second tragedy will arrive. The dead ones have been eaten and no one came to rescue and the survivors have no food to survive further. Because they didn’t wait for a week or so without food. They didn’t eat just to survive but to keep their skin and looks intact.

Only then will the struggle, the plan, not to wait for the rescue teams but to reach out will occur.

And this would be too late because there is no food to travel with. All the dead ones have been eaten. The alive ones will be dead soon.

Later on, after months, someone will discover them. The dead bodies and the bones. With smartphones around, pictures and videos would be recovered. Lots of selfies. Filtered pictures. Pouts. And stuff to be uploaded on TikTok and Insta afterwards. Just in case. Would gather millions of followers.

That would be the society of future similar incidents. Perks of being informed. Perks of Netflix. And perks of social media cravings.

Animal (movie)

Forgive me father! I have sinned. I have seen the “Animal”.

But a little clarification before further judgments to be passed:

Those who know, know that I try not to miss movies about father and daughter. Divorces too. I have seen a lot in this genre and the last big one was “The Whale” where one scene is still stuck with me, “I need to know that I have done one thing right with my life!”. Other movies include Kramer vs. Kramer. A Separation. Te3n. The Son. Madaari. Gifted. Mrs. Chatterjee. And so many more.

I went to see the movie “Hi Nanna” also called “Hi Papa” on Netflix. But instead, I sinned. Another father movie but…

Are you with me with my lame excuses? Good.

Let’s give “Animal” 1 out of 10. Why 1? Because they had a dialogue of Al-Pacino from The Godfather, “If anything in this life is certain, if history has taught us anything, it is that you can kill anyone”. Obviously in Hindi but ok.

Other than that, what was it? How to make a John Wick movie in Bollywood?

Bollywood is family stuff, so add family. Papa on top.

For guns and guns and guns, add wealth. Make the family ultra rich. Bring hundreds of men so that John can kill them at will.

Not enough? Add male chauvinism. Add anger and alpha male sperms in the entire film.

Script? Not needed. It will be a hit in a region where men are so insecure that they feed their ‘desires’ with actions like that. Now, how many men would try to be such losers after watching this for a week or so?

But still, the script? Add underwear. Add threesome. Slaps. Lots of slaps. Car bomb scene – again, Godfather; Michael Corleone in Italy with his second wife. Bombed.

What do we have so far? John Wick + Michael Corleone. Add someone desi. Aha! Sanjay Dutt.

By the way, Godfather has been done in Rajneeti, pretty nicely. Sanju has been done too. Ranbir in both. Then why this shit? Wasn’t Kabir Singh enough?

What was the role of women in the movie? One Ivy League sister was always crying and accepting the undue insults from her male. The other had… no role. The mother had… no role. The wife had one role to produce some scenes and two kids. The other woman had one role around sheets.

Oh, one thing to learn. You can go back to your rural relatives after decades and they will be ready to offer all their young men for your security. They will sing. Joke. Guard your affairs. And will die with a smile. For you. Because they don’t have ‘papa’.

And bring Bobby back. Without a single dialogue. He couldn’t do anything for decades with dialogues. So, mute him. Give him a sex appeal. And that’s it. It shall work. Definitely.

I have sinned. 3 hours and 24 mins wasted in violence that was almost turning into a violent homosexuality scene on the runway, but one couldn’t speak, and one couldn’t listen.

What else? Kill hundreds. Show blood. Extreme violence. With some Sikh men singing in chorus with guns in hand. Add ‘papa’ in the lyrics. Accommodate Kabir a little. And that’s it.

These guys. In 40s. 50s. And 60s. Snatching roles of 30s. Never getting tired. Taking space for decades. While women departing to mature roles at 40.

John Wick didn’t try to be younger. He was retired. Di Nero. George Clooney. Daniel Craig. These guys became a class with their age without being in a denial mode. Here, South Asian screen guys are badly stuck. As stuck as Hamayun Saeed was with antenna not working in the 90s.

Nonetheless, the acting wasn’t bad. Guys did well. Only, the script was too ugly.

Lastly, the tiresome insult to cigarettes was too much. I’m taking back that 1.

I definitely have sinned.

You guys going to judge me? Ok. Remember that monkey scene without the monkey but there actually was monkey right there? Yeah, imagine that.

Ram Mandir

Yesterday was the last nail in the coffin of Nehru’s and Gandhi’s India. And Ambedkar’s constitutional India as well. It was a Hindu dream that came true. But actually, it was all about Modi’s third term.

Ram Mandir. Babir Mosque. Synecdoche selections for different communities.

A temple didn’t win.

A mosque didn’t lose.

Only Modi won.

Afterall, Modi’s legacy is going to be more suffocating than Zia’s legacy. Because Zia was not as celebrated as Indians celebrate Modi.

How cool was Ranbir in Tamasha challenging all the norms and values?

How cool was Aalia Bhatt in her feminist movies?

How cool was Ayushman Khurrana in taking up bold scripts? 

And Amitabh Bachan. How cool was he… till yesterday?

Imagine making a population of 204 million people irrelevant. Who could have done it except Modi? 204 million Muslim voters look as irrelevant as a minority that’s too minor.

But that is not just the end. South India didn’t celebrate yesterday. Karnataka, Kerala, Tamil Nadu, Telangana etc. No. They stood with their liberal and secular values and didn’t celebrate yesterday. South Indians are perhaps the finest lot in the entire South Asian region.

Anyway. Does it look like Modi is coming again this year? Well, not sure. The constant radical stunts are not overused.

In the recent bi-elections of India where BJP completed a “hat-trick” was more of propaganda that they are going to win the same way in Lok Sabha. Objectively, BJP got a total of 48,133,463 votes while Congress got 49,077,907. This is a huge difference of around 1 million votes. And overall, Congress had significant improvements in votes from the last time.

So, maybe Modi isn’t coming again.

But Donald Trump is coming for sure. All he needs is judicial clearance and there is nothing stopping him. Ron DeSantis is gone. Nikki Haley will be next. And then, there will be Trump. Afterall, this is century of populism and going back to the era where things were difficult for minorities.

With Rishi Sunak in the UK, the white heads are re-thinking the world order again. One cannot get Arab nationality. The majority of Africa doesn’t welcome them. A white person cannot even dream to become a president or PM of any Asian or Arab or African country. Yet, people from these regions are populating the parliamentary benches of Europe and North America. This isn’t digestible anymore and a change in the system will be evident soon.

A lot of deviation. Like usual. But before the end, let’s applause those who didn’t join the myopic celebrations of yesterday.

Like Virat Kohli. Rohit Sharma. M. S. Dhoni. Anushka Sharma. The Bollywood didn’t stand but the Indian cricketers did. One may say that there are some Indian players taking the team ahead not only in the ground but off-field as well.

With that, let’s hope India learns from the mistakes Pakistan committed in 1970s and 1980s. Before it’s alarmingly late.