Category: Politics

Punjab’s Budget 2020

Budget is a little technical thing. Media usually is unable to understand it, and hence misguides the public. Even the bureaucrats, who give nods to the financial decisions, don’t get it. They have to be taught every time. Every single time.
 
And as soon as they get any ‘out-of-the-box’ question, the subordinates are fucked.
 
Will tell you a not-joke after the lecture.
 
The working class in the government sector is actually pathetic. 99% of the people are idiots. After cramming MCQ books and using contacts, they get the jobs. See the fall of PIA with one of the highest employee to aircraft ratio.
 
Same goes for NAB, FIA, etc. All these analysts and researchers working in NAB / FIA are unable to come with proofs against these political criminals. Why? Because they themselves are clueless. They don’t know how to see a book.
They don’t get the numbers.
 
Result: embarrassment in courts when NAB / FIA are unable to file references even after months.
 
Understanding monetary / budget games requires digging. Consistent digging. There are hundreds of projects in public sector which were allocated more funds than their approved costs (crossing the permissible sanctions), and even then the investigative organizations are unable to make a case.
 
Khair. Back to budget.
 
Lecture first:
 
Budget is divided into two parts. Development and Non-Development.
 
Non-Development is the usual non-technical shit; like salary and non-salary expenditures. You can call it regular budget too.
 
Development budget is about PSDP (federal level) or ADP (provincial level) development schemes which pass through different forums and feasibility steps before seeing the approval day. After which starts the release of funds and execution of the schemes. Establishment (schools, hospitals, roads, bridges, parks, etc.) of all government infrastructure falls under development.
 
Sahiwal power plant was a non-feasible power project by PML-N. Like Nandi Pur. Billions dusted.
 
Peshawar BRT is a tangible picture of PTI’s vision.
 
IPPs by PPP is a never ending curse on Pakistan’s financial instability.
 
Development budget is further divided into ‘Capital’ (which is related to civil work / brick and mortar) and ‘Revenue’ (equipment / items). PAS / DMG officers spend almost their entire lives dealing with these projects from tehsil level (being Assistant Commissioners) to provincial level (being Secretaries of different departments).
 
Above paragraph was the pre-requisite for that not-joke.
 
Once upon a time, a PAS / DMG officer of Grade-21 was being briefed about the development projects. He was unable to get anything. Even the difference between ‘capital’ and ‘revenue’. In the end, his subordinate briefed like that, “Sir yeh jo eento or bajri se banta hai na, wo ‘capital’ hota hai. Or jo kamre ke andar samaan para hota hai na, wo ‘revneue’ hota hai.”
 
Now that was a Grade-21 guy. Imagine what he had been doing being AC, DC, Commissioner, etc. No wonder we are where we are.
 
Anyway, wherever we are, here we are. With PTI’s 2nd provincial budget in Punjab, a little digging can help where we are leading. First, take the pandemic as constant. And let’s take only 1 example. Most relevant one. HEALTH:
 
In FY 2019-20, development budget of Health was Rs.45.500 billion.
For FY 2020-21, development budget of Health is Rs.33.612 billion.
 
This is a budget cut of Rs.11.888 billion in health sector. Remember: Covid-19. Pandemic. And all the media campaign of the government regarding their focus. No lockdown. Ok, fine. Not fine though. But this is nothing more than cruel intentions.
 
End of lecture for today. Save this one. It can be a source of less humiliation for you, if you are unlucky to become a bureaucrat. Someday. Somehow.
 
P.S. a couple of things:
1. A celebrity committed suicide 2 days back. Got a twitter trend. A sister of two missing brothers from Balochistan committed suicide 2 days back too. Nothing happened.
2. In the previous post, not a single figure was wrong. I sit corrected.
3. If you claim that a ‘number / fact’ was wrong, at least try to provide the correct ‘number’.
4. A couple of days back, a lady called me ‘bastard’. I don’t mind that. But I do mind when you copy-paste my posts lady!

Budget 2020

Dear herd!

Budget 2020 is simply like this:
Education: Rs.4 billions
Health: Rs.20 billions
Defence: Rs.1402 billions

I know. Education and Health are mainly under provinces (18th Amendment) and will get allocations through provincial budgets as well.

But dear Vawda-kinda! This Rs.1402 billion doesn’t include military pensions (Rs.369 billion which is 79% of federal government’s total pension bill). Major weaponry procurement. Mega projects under FWO. Security enhancement (Rs.45 billion last year). Or businesses. Their revenues. Plots. Potential DHAs.

And supplementary grants? Like the one which they got a month back of Rs.1.66 billion for a surveillance project.

And how many supplementary grants?

There is another calculation which I leave to you: subtract debt programmes from the total federal budget, and then calculate how much is allocated to defence (%age) vs rest of the country – considering we are fighting a pandemic.

Anyway, don’t bother.
But don’t be ill-informed.
And don’t defend the defenders for God sake.

We saw our PM cry every other day for the poor on TV. As he had no strategy or plan to tackle the virus, he offered us crocodiles tears. Regularly. And then his team presented a budget – shamelessly – wherein every single component related to the poor has been robbed.

After him comes Gill. Then Chauhan. Then Rashid. Then the other Rashid. Then Mirza. Then another. Another. Another. And the whole day is spent in press conferences with exactly the same rhetoric.
Blaming past.
Blaming virus.
Blaming opponents.
Blaming media.
Blaming people.

‘Mafia’ is the new scapegoat.
Who is behind medicine and drugs price hike? Mafia.
Who is behind sugar prices? Mafia.
Who is behind wheat crisis? Mafia.
Who is behind petrol crisis? Mafia.

Who is behind your seat Mr. Prime Minister? Mafia.

Rarely you see doctors on TV. They are not included in committees to handle the virus. They are not allowed to speak publicly. Their voice is completely missing. And the budget too – criminally – has ignored doctors and their advice.

This isn’t war. In fact, there is no war around the world at the moment. The whole world is tackling the same crises and doing its best to prevent it.

And here, in the land of pure, the budget has been prepared based on the same old two nation theory. Diamonds for me. Nickels for you.

Sadly – and honestly – blaming Khan or PTI is foolish too. They aren’t ever in power.
Just like their predecessors.
And their predecessors.
And their predecessors.

Random Numbness (June 2020)

Mere Pakistanio! We don’t have a simple plan. We have business plan. Plans. Locust is business too. Boys are on it and I trust them. At least with revenues.
 
I came to know that Ehsan Ullah is not in Turkey but in Islamabad. You don’t need to worry. He’s in safe hands. Like Rao Anwar. But you are pissed off. Right? So?
 
Quaid-e-Azam said, “You are free; you are free to go to your parks. You are free to go to your malls or to any other places of contracting the virus in this state of Pakistan. You may belong to any religion, caste or creed – that has nothing to do with the business of the state.”
 
How can I go against Quaid’s plan? How can I go against ‘business of the state’? You need to understand that.
 
With so many economic challenges around the world, I came with a plan. For poor and needy people. Catch locust and sell it for Rs.15/kg. This is the same rate of land acquisitions for DHA and Bahria and Fazaia.
 
Fazaia se yaad aya Faiza beauty cream is racist. And it doesn’t even work.
 
Anyway.
 
Doctors are crying. Complaining as usual. For PPEs and stuff. Such a shame that we have these unpatriotic doctors with no sense of nationalism. I don’t even consider them front-line warriors. In fact, I don’t consider them at all. They don’t even exist for me.
 
Who would have asked for this and that in war time? Pathetic!
When we sent PPEs to USA, they cried even more. No empathy. No sympathy.
 
Meanwhile, have you seen the audacity of Bangladesh? The little kids sent us medicine. Well, I don’t consider it a good gesture. These-crying-little-victims-of-1971 have nothing to offer us except blames. Look at them at what they have lost. They would have been celebrating May 28th a few days back but they chose medicine overall missiles.
 
Mere dumb Pakistanio! I know we are waiting for two things at the moment. Next episode of Ertugrul and the vaccine. Well, Ertugrul will be on time. For vaccine, these lazy scientists have to find something yet. And even if they will, what guarantees success?
 
Polio has a vaccine.
And we have polio.
You getting the point na?
 
See what’s happening in the US. The police brutality has taken a toll over blacks. At least we are not facing this issue. Blacks are safe here. Also, we never let people out in masses. Our security forces are always ready to cover the dark state. I would ask Trump to get a hold of himself and impose martial law. Immediately.
 
And look at Rome, Tokyo, Madrid, New York, London, Delhi, Red Light Areas of Amsterdam. Apart from perpetrators, there is nothing to be seen. And here, in Pakistan – let me be precise – even Heera Mandi is fully operational and treating the visitors like usual.
 
Mere Pakistanio!
 
Ap ne ghabrana nahi hai. Boys and I are on everything. Home Department, AG, IG, CPEC, Information, PIA, WAPDA, NDMA, PTV, CAA, Anti-Narco, FPSC, PDMA, PM Housing Authority, SUPARCO, POF and various other departments and authorities are now disciplined.
 
With goose-step every morning, all are attentive and uniformed departments. You cannot believe, but no other democratic government ever achieved this.
 
You voted us. No you didn’t. But yes you did. After all, Hitler was elected too. Ha ha! That was humor.
 
Let me end this with Iqbal’s couplet;
 
Subh-e-azal yeh mujh se kaha General nay
Jo aqal ka ghulam ho, wo dil na qabool ker

George Floyd

Malcolm X is as relevant today as he was back in the 60s. His brutally honest words took him to his grave. He knew he would be assassinated. There were attempts and phone taps and followings.

But he didn’t bow down.

Not to the FBI. Not to the US Government. Not to Elijah Mohammad. Not to the NOI. Not to anyone.

So – as he said after Kennedy’s assassination – chickens are coming home to roost.

US has seeded racial, religious and class discrimination across the world. Here, it is facing what it has done. But there are so many divisions among the Black community itself that it wouldn’t be now. Not this time. Until another Malcolm X arrives with the same brutal honesty.

Not Martin Luther King. Not Elijah Mohammed. Not Wallace Fard. But Malcolm X.

Now come to the police brutality.

Well, isn’t it the same here? Have you forgotten Sahiwal massacre? If you’ll compare US’s police with our local police, it will be a grotesque comparison. That cop who killed George Floyd has already been charged. On the contrary, our security personnel always go free after years of cooling-down-the-anger.

Like the killers of Sarfaraz Shah. The incident was recorded and went viral. But impotency here is so high that there wasn’t a single rally against the perpetrators.

And who can forget Rao Anwar’s 444 encounters. Even Supreme Court succumbed to his tactics.

And even if the police will do something tangible, like they did in case of Raymond Davis, boys will come to the rescue. Remember Pasha escorting Davis to the airport? Yes, you do. You didn’t utter a word.

But.

Your hypocrisy is conveniently making you talk. Big words. Justice. Equality. Law. Punishment. Shame.

Shame!

We are still on our way to become an uglier society. For over a decade, Hazara community has been targeted and killed. By state owned Lashkar-e-Jhangvi. Even IK tweeted this once.

Now, Hazara community has done the same and killed three young boys. This is completion of the cycle. But it is just the beginning of a vicious cycle. When victims become perpetrators, you know what’s coming.

So, don’t bother. You still have to compete with your own hypocritical dumbness.

And you have a topic. That Uzma, Usman, Sadaf, Shehroz stuff. Talk about that. Because you still have to figure out what’s better: to cheat and keep OR to divorce and marry.

Carry on.

Music!

Letter

Dear Taya Abu,

Glad to know you are doing so well in Ladakh. We are going mad with happiness. We are already trolling Phupho on Twitter. Proud of you.

But Taya Abu! While you are doing so good, do come forward for our little cousins in Srinagar. This is a request. End their misery once and for all.

In return, we will remain unconscious about our cousins in Uighur. Who? We don’t even know them. Keep making your concentration camps. If you need any help – I mean labour – we are a yuan away.

P.S. we accept your sons’ proposals for our sisters. You are welcome to take them anytime.

Best regards for your future endeavors in Hong Kong.

Collectively yours,
Begana Abdullah.

Random Numbness (May 2020)

As the number of confirmed cases are growing exponentially on a daily basis, we are here with eased-locked. Or smart lockdown. Or whatever.
The official binary debate was: save jobs vs. save lives. And it’s ‘save jobs’. [Why do I feel like writing ‘Steve Jobs’ instead of ‘save jobs’?]. Well, with 5 million kids coming in the next six months, the decision is quite sensible. You can make ‘lives’ on bed but you can’t create ‘jobs’ that way.
PM was right. And smart.
With the binary debate, I got to remember that binary question which changed our fate forever. Remember when Islamabad got a call from Washington after 9/11? “With us or against us?” Exactly. Smart. Catastrophically smart.

[Not using ‘dumb’ or ‘duffers’ today as people complained that I get personal. Duly noted.]
Every other day, PM opens his puzzle box and no one is sure what he is playing. Sometimes he praises his actions and other times his inactions. Sometimes it is a conspiracy of elites and other times it is his charisma.
Just when he was worried about the hungry and the poor and needy and the jobless; ECC approved a grant of Rs.1.66 billion for the richest for a telecom monitoring project.
A conspiracy of elites! To keep an eye on you. To make Orwell’s Big Brother stronger. And better. Because now is the ideal time for real business.
In the name of national security.
In a parallel universe meanwhile, two Baloch graduates of Quaid-e-Azam University were killed in Balochistan by Security Forces. This happens when you keep on labeling people and are not ready to talk.
Like in 1971, we were not ready to talk to the inferior Bengali race. Today, we are not ready to bear these inferior Baloch and Tribal races. So, there are a couple of million traitors in the country at the moment.
Words will bleed.
We will ponder for a while.
Then we will switch on the TV. For stupid debates and advertisements of things we don’t need.
And Ertugrul.
Game of Thrones had a crowd following. So does Ertugrul. So, not on the cards and not at all interested.
But if you are interested in Turkey, then remember this country did something in recent history which we never could. In July 2016, Turkish Military attempted to impose Martial Law. The public came out and stood before tanks. And the coup met with a historical failure.
This is a better story than falling in love with Ertugrul and then feeling betrayal after googling ‘Halime Hatun’.
[Watching movies / series / dramas are based on personal interests. As long as you are having fun – and learning – keep watching. Anything.]
Sadly, we don’t cherish our ‘own’ heroes. Like Bhagat Singh who stood against oppression. We cherish those who came and assaulted us. Mughals, Ghazni, Bin Qasim, Aibak, Ghori, Abdali… were all foreign invaders. Who came for their vested interests. Like America came to Afghanistan.
Moreover, why don’t we wonder why we always cherish those who killed thousands / millions? These warriors rarely fought for anything moral or upright or anything other than their own personal interest.
But yes. When the invaders become rulers, they become part of the society. They become part of the culture. Urdu came into being that way. The monuments of the last 10 centuries are our heritage. That’s why we cherish Mughals. Then why don’t we cherish British rule?
Argh…
Wrong question.
History works in mysterious way. With the sword of the powerful. And the pen of the writer.
All we need to do is: to know history and to be critical of it and never to repeat follies.
And never, ever to forget.

You need to be Dumb to be that Numb

Asim replaces Firdaus. So? Nothing.

You need to be dumb to be that numb.

Once upon a time, Vawda brought a boot on a live TV show. To make a point. He did. Boot was the point. But you didn’t get it.

Anyway,

Shit happens. Security lapses. Bombs blasts. People die. Collateral damage. For the sake of argument… fine.

But ‘Ehsan Ullah Ehsan’ never happens. The one who is responsible for the goriest incident in the history of the country, doesn’t ‘escape’ like that. That doesn’t happen.

Yet it happened.
As if nothing happened.

This country was hijacked from the very beginning. Those who ran the machinery for their Colonial Lords, took charge of it.

Gora sahibs transformed into Kala sahibs. Same establishment. Same bureaucracy. Same nawabs. Same military.

Jinnah knew that very well. That’s why he was suspicious of Ayub and made stern remarks against his political ambitions.

But Jinnah died and a vicious cycle of ugliness started. People were labeled. Treason was imposed. Blood was sold. Jihad became business. History was mutated. To make a fortune of conglomerate businesses based on the political empire of violence and power.

Even Fatima Jinnah wasn’t spared. She was abused, labeled, defeated and then silenced. The first opposition leader died mysteriously in her Mohatta Palace.

With Fatima Jinnah’s death, dissent was muted. Forever.

But every now and then, Asma Jahangirs and Habib Jalibs came. They roared. Their roar became words of defiance. And they were labeled too.

And here with real masters behind the curtains, we have puppets presenting an expensive show; Buzdar as CM, Tareen as no one. All the visionaries of change being ugly and greedy. Being busy in legal crimes to make fortunes with subsidies.

People believe a democracy is in place. Which is not. Which never was.
People think that the PM is the PM. Who is not. Who never was.
People think that Parliament has power. Which does not. Which never had.

And you are too numb to get the point.

Wanna-Be Warriors against Covid-19

Two Black Hawk Helicopters took flight from Jalalabad (Afghanistan). Reached Abottabad. Executed a brutal operation for around 40 minutes. And flew back to Afghanistan.

Those who couldn’t detect that, are spying on Covid-19 suspects. Imagine the irony.

Let’s look at it another way. Let’s ‘assume’ they knew about the operation. And were part of the plan: to feel without moaning. And they did as were told.

But doesn’t the second case make it even more deplorable?

No. Let’s take the first-case. And behave! They didn’t know.

But irony sustains.

I remember when a judge inquired ‘them’ about a guy who was abducted for weeks without a proper trial. And they said that they were unable to unlock the laptop.

Irony. Sustains.

And Ehsan Ullah Ehsan. Those who were ‘unable’ to keep an ugly terrorist in custody, are trying to portray as frontline warriors against a pandemic. Or maybe, the ‘escape’ was… Behave!

Such irony.

Pimps. Sold Jihad. Sold religion. Sold people. Sold blood. Sold narrative. Sold every single thing they could sell.

Even our history is ironic. For example in 71, majority got tired of minority and decided to separate ways. Let me rephrase. Majority. Got tired. Of minority. And founded another country.

Irony.

A question: Why duffers are always referred as ‘intelligence’?

The virus had at least taught the world who the actual frontline warriors are. The doctors. Not the duffers.

All they want is to portray themselves alongside the doctors. All they want is to keep the stage. To be relevant. To be the frontline warriors. However, they have always been the backstage dealers.

Anyway. With all the precautionary paradoxes and the PM and his team and Tariq Jameel and his tears and the intelligence and all the puppets of the uniform disguising a civil rule… we don’t need to panic.

Covid-19 is in safe hands.

Random Numbness (April 2020)

No more Khalil ur Rehman Qamar vomiting on TV. But it doesn’t mean shit doesn’t exist anymore. It does. Only we have some other problems.

Firstly, there is this virus. Supreme Court is trying their best to control the pandemic. Forgetting that they themselves are endemic.

Then, we have this sugar crisis. Tareen’s sugar levels is high as IK – well, not IK – made the report public. Now Tareen is running here and there, looking for some Musharraf-kinda-daddy. ‘Sugar daddy’ looking for daddy. What luck!

Meanwhile Saad rafique met Pervaiz Elahi. Yes, the same ‘daaku’. In ten years, PML-Q desperately wanted to hangout with PML-N, but they were not needed before. Now political frustration has paved the way for the two ugly ducklings. This is precisely where Zia’s DNA meets Musharraf’s DNA.

And Vawda is back again. Without a boot this time. If coronavirus had a face…

Even religious scholars and mullahs are providing comedy. Yeh to ho ga. When their businesses will be closed, they will be frustrated. And in frustration, they will provide content.

Anyway, with all the fuss, comedy remained intact. IK says something. Sindh goes the other way. Punjab follows Sindh after a day or two. Then KPK follows Punjab. Then Federal endorses everything with ifs and buts. And then comes sugar and wheat report.

Government has issued vague notifications and has directed Commissioners / Deputy Commissioners to resolve the confusions. Well, the bureaucrats rarely handle straight guidelines, and here they are asked to use their minds. Embrace yourself!

There is much ado about nothing. Lockdown is here. It’s not curfew. Yes, you can open your shop. No, not you. You. I mean you, not you. Who?

But don’t blame them.

We got these laws, courts, bureaucracy and military from colonialism. Ranks and designations and hierarchies and grades are exactly the colonial way. In exactly the same offices they made during colonial era. With exactly the same mindset sucking the system.

Majority of our laws and penal codes – including 144 – are from colonial era. The exact same system is lynching the public the exact same way.

Only the elite natives replaced the gora sahibs.

That’s why our history, throughout the decades, is same. Same ink accusing the same class of the same mind.

Jalianwala Bagh before partition.
Babrra massacre after partition.

Manto wrote before and after 1947. And he wrote exactly the same stories.
Stories of atrocities.
Stories of lawlessness.
Stories of corruption.
Stories of fanaticism.
Stories of men. Men of lust.

The only difference is what he wrote as derogatory has become itself a writer with endless scripts and dramas. But we have other problems for now.

An Ideal Time

Have you thought at what time in history – present actually – this virus has spread throughout the world? Well, at an ideal time.

The vaccine isn’t here yet. It will take time. Best case: summer 2021. So, you have to wait.

You always cried for family time, right? So here it is!
Fasten your seatbelt. Because you aren’t going anywhere. And you won’t be able to. By the time it ends, you will have eaten up the loads of stored food and your belly would be swollen and your knees won’t be able to bear a hippo, you big fat f…

“THINGS YOU OWN END UP OWNING YOU.”

When a virus attacks, your body fights. This earth – motherland – was consistently being attacked by us, so it has retaliated. Perhaps it’s my illusionary-pessimistic-self talking. But anyway, considering your family life constant, it feels good. Doesn’t it?

When the patient starts to recover, it feels good. The mother earth is recovering. AQI index of ugliest cities are at par with cleanest cities around the world. The air we are breathing now wasn’t available for over two decades.

Petrol consumption is at its lowest. As is water consumption due to closed industries.

Other than that, crime rate has plummeted globally. How many kids have been saved from potential rape and murder incidents?

There is no war at the moment. Unbelievable, isn’t it?

All the missiles and tanks and jets are waiting for another man-made crisis. But this isn’t a man-made crisis. They aren’t needed now. They’ll be needed when duffers will reign again. And they will. Because insects are immune to…

You know this was – is – the ideal time for a novel epidemic. This is the only planet we own and look what we did to her.

We filled the waters with plastics and crude products. And dead bodies. Millions of dead bodies who became homeless in their homes and drowned while trying to find another home. Finding Neverland.

We even threw Luca Brasi and Bin Laden into the waters.

We destroyed the jungles. We established industries for mass consumption – including animals. We made leather from snakes and crocodiles.

We advertised brands made by hungry hands. We gave them enough to be steady but not enough to stand. We treated those hands in Africa and Asia as cows of dairy industry.

Class. Creed. Sect. Race. Religion. Nationality. We compartmentalized all the lower classes.

Meanwhile, the elite remained classless. Sitting in luxury offices finalizing bail-out packages for people wining and dining in yachts and mansions. Classless. People of the mosque, temple and church; all equal in the eyes of wealth.

Karl Marx said religion is an anti-depressant for struggling class. And he said it was necessary. Anti-depressants are necessary. Aren’t they?

So the virus is here. It was needed. It was time. Every era has to end.

Kingdoms ended. Colonialism perished. Fascism and totalitarianism jolted the world in world wars but were ceased after millions died. An era of liberalism emerged. The liberal half of the world saw its epitome of research and development in those years. While the other half kept on suffering at the hands of conservatism and religion-based politics. Then came the new wars. Wars based on information to target people and regions precisely.

It started with Iraq. Entered Afghanistan. Splashed countries like Libya, Syria and Yemen. Pimps suffered too: Pakistan lost its strategic position and Saudia lost its regional control. China initiated a surveillance war on Uighur. Burma did ethnic cleansing boldly, that too under a Noble Peace Laureate. India committed crimes legally, by passing vicious laws. Boris, Modi, Trump, Bolsonaro, Khan. Do you see there is something common all across the political world?

POPULISM.

Say what the crowd wants to hear.
Do what the crowd wants done.
Be it stupid. Be it cruel.

So, the virus came. It was long due.

Ah! I knew you would say that. ‘People will be jobless’. ‘There will be shortage of food’. ‘People will die’. ‘Blah blah’.

Yes. But, no.

That was all happening before. People were jobless before. There was shortage of food before. People died before. You just ignored all of it.

The only difference is, you will be jobless this time. You will face shortage of food. You will die.

But God forbid. Let’s hope for the best. We all need an anti-depressant.

Let me tell you, a new era is going to begin. Populism will go down organically. The generations eye-witnessing the current scenario, will not be conservative or orthodox as before. Countries will re-prioritize their future budgets. Science will have its due share as will healthcare. Religion will become a personal matter – as it should be – for some time to come.

And war. These tanks and missiles and jets. These decorated soldiers and their synchronized parades for emotional wellbeing of the crowd.

Well, behave yourself.