Category: Pakistan

Random Numbness II (June 2020)

Firdaus Aashiq warned that the virus can enter from “neechay se”. She advised to cover your mouth as well as your genitals.
Zartaj Gul defined the 19 points of Corona.
Asad Umar explained that we are at the lowest already. We can’t go any lower. Isn’t this hopeful?
Then came Riaz Fatyana. During the sugar crisis, he went against sugar, not the usual scapegoat of ‘mafia’. Now, he locusted in the National Assembly. ‘Eat Locust. Beat Corona’.
Sheikh Rasheed is selling 24 crore tickets. Haleem Adil is distributing funds among 29 billion people. Qureshi is busy fighting Tareen. Tareen is busy making money. Money is busy dipping. Fawad is busy spilling beans. Vawda is busy being an asshole.
And just when we thought the episode was over, came Prime Minister himself. He challenged the opposition to point out his any contradiction since March. March 2020. Not March 2010. He knows.
For instance, back in the not-sold-days, IK used to bash war on terror and our funded Jihad and collateral damage. He asked for trial of the terrorist Bin Laden. Then, during transactional-mode, he stopped giving opinions. Now, after-sales-service, he is back. With the oldest and strongest narrative. Shaheed.
Bin Laden is shaheed.
All those, who died fighting Bin Laden, were also shaheed.
Those who stood behind Bin Laden, shaheed.
Those who stood against Bin Laden, shaheed.
Kids who were killed in school, shaheed.
People who were bombed, shaheed.
Welcome. To the Windmill of Shaheeds.
We make and sell Shaheeds.
Yardstick of our ideology.
But not all that lost are shaheeds.
Rao Anwar is ghazi.
Ehsan Ullah Ehsan is ghazi.
Ertugrul is ghazi.
I deviated. Now back to Majlis-e-Shora!
Imagine, these folks – all these comedians – are making budget, policies, setting priorities and running the state. ‘Apparently’. We know there is another hierarchy of duffers who is running the state, actually, but yes, there are apologists who believe not them but them and them and democracy.
Where do such out-of-the-box ideas come from? Memes? WhatsApp jokes? Because these ideas are not in newspapers. Or scholarly articles. Or books.
Or maybe, when they can’t sleep in the night – not because of their ugliness but because of making less – they have profound thoughts. They concentrate. And then they get an epiphany.
What are the rationale ones doing? Getting fired probably. Mohammed Hanif. Ammar Ali Jan. Pervez Hoodhboy. Or being humiliated. Like Faez Isa.
This all looks like chaos. Everything falling apart. Right? Wrong.
Everything moving so fast, yet no progress. Like foreign funding case. Or Musharraf’s treason.
PIA, like Suparco, is all going down. With fake licenses of pilots, imagine the future of the airline. Death.
You dissent, you get fired. Literally too.
People go missing. Have you seen supporters of duffers and status quo gone missing? No. Specific ones only. Targeted ones. Only.
Doctors being threatened. From Quetta to Lahore.
Students being punished. Baton charged. Humiliated.
Censorship gagging you. Choking.
Yet, you have to survive. Like an insect. Regardless of all the ugly conditions.

In-law-Faiz vs. Above-law-Faiz

Geo won and Ary didn’t lose. Right?

With over 1.8 million pending cases and the likes of Rao Anwar and Ehsan Ullah Ehsan free, SC did win yesterday. It did.

It won against Musharraf too, but then it got scared of boys.

All the way, it was between the two Faizes.

In-law-Faiz took notice of Above-law-Faiz as to what he was doing at Faizabad? The latter – along with his boys – got offended.

The Dentist was asked to file a reference against In-law-Faiz. He did.

Result: Bad root-canal. Though painless.

Hail In-law-Faiz! He gave a bold verdict on Faizabad Dharna. He questioned Marriage Halls Business. He questioned the involvement of boys here and there and everywhere.

Just imagine if Judiciary would have taken it as an instituition? Like the boys. It could have resulted in humiliation in various other cases too; including cases of Rao Anwar, Musharraf, and Ehsan Ullah.

It could have been men-in-black vs. men-in-khaki. Like it was in 2007-08. Men-in-black won then. Because they are also brave and patriotic. They can attack a hospital. Kill patients. Burn police vans. What not?

Khair.

You and I are mere spectators. Sometimes we differ in our views. But, we are spectators nonetheless.

We are provided with entertainment. Where we have to choose between In-law-Faiz and Above-law-Faiz.

The only thing to know is the truth. Know it rightly. Decode the usual stuff. And stand corrected.

In-Law-Faiz has won. For now at least. May be judiciary will take a u-turn in a couple of days. Like they did in Musharraf’s treason case.

Punjab’s Budget 2020

Budget is a little technical thing. Media usually is unable to understand it, and hence misguides the public. Even the bureaucrats, who give nods to the financial decisions, don’t get it. They have to be taught every time. Every single time.
 
And as soon as they get any ‘out-of-the-box’ question, the subordinates are fucked.
 
Will tell you a not-joke after the lecture.
 
The working class in the government sector is actually pathetic. 99% of the people are idiots. After cramming MCQ books and using contacts, they get the jobs. See the fall of PIA with one of the highest employee to aircraft ratio.
 
Same goes for NAB, FIA, etc. All these analysts and researchers working in NAB / FIA are unable to come with proofs against these political criminals. Why? Because they themselves are clueless. They don’t know how to see a book.
They don’t get the numbers.
 
Result: embarrassment in courts when NAB / FIA are unable to file references even after months.
 
Understanding monetary / budget games requires digging. Consistent digging. There are hundreds of projects in public sector which were allocated more funds than their approved costs (crossing the permissible sanctions), and even then the investigative organizations are unable to make a case.
 
Khair. Back to budget.
 
Lecture first:
 
Budget is divided into two parts. Development and Non-Development.
 
Non-Development is the usual non-technical shit; like salary and non-salary expenditures. You can call it regular budget too.
 
Development budget is about PSDP (federal level) or ADP (provincial level) development schemes which pass through different forums and feasibility steps before seeing the approval day. After which starts the release of funds and execution of the schemes. Establishment (schools, hospitals, roads, bridges, parks, etc.) of all government infrastructure falls under development.
 
Sahiwal power plant was a non-feasible power project by PML-N. Like Nandi Pur. Billions dusted.
 
Peshawar BRT is a tangible picture of PTI’s vision.
 
IPPs by PPP is a never ending curse on Pakistan’s financial instability.
 
Development budget is further divided into ‘Capital’ (which is related to civil work / brick and mortar) and ‘Revenue’ (equipment / items). PAS / DMG officers spend almost their entire lives dealing with these projects from tehsil level (being Assistant Commissioners) to provincial level (being Secretaries of different departments).
 
Above paragraph was the pre-requisite for that not-joke.
 
Once upon a time, a PAS / DMG officer of Grade-21 was being briefed about the development projects. He was unable to get anything. Even the difference between ‘capital’ and ‘revenue’. In the end, his subordinate briefed like that, “Sir yeh jo eento or bajri se banta hai na, wo ‘capital’ hota hai. Or jo kamre ke andar samaan para hota hai na, wo ‘revneue’ hota hai.”
 
Now that was a Grade-21 guy. Imagine what he had been doing being AC, DC, Commissioner, etc. No wonder we are where we are.
 
Anyway, wherever we are, here we are. With PTI’s 2nd provincial budget in Punjab, a little digging can help where we are leading. First, take the pandemic as constant. And let’s take only 1 example. Most relevant one. HEALTH:
 
In FY 2019-20, development budget of Health was Rs.45.500 billion.
For FY 2020-21, development budget of Health is Rs.33.612 billion.
 
This is a budget cut of Rs.11.888 billion in health sector. Remember: Covid-19. Pandemic. And all the media campaign of the government regarding their focus. No lockdown. Ok, fine. Not fine though. But this is nothing more than cruel intentions.
 
End of lecture for today. Save this one. It can be a source of less humiliation for you, if you are unlucky to become a bureaucrat. Someday. Somehow.
 
P.S. a couple of things:
1. A celebrity committed suicide 2 days back. Got a twitter trend. A sister of two missing brothers from Balochistan committed suicide 2 days back too. Nothing happened.
2. In the previous post, not a single figure was wrong. I sit corrected.
3. If you claim that a ‘number / fact’ was wrong, at least try to provide the correct ‘number’.
4. A couple of days back, a lady called me ‘bastard’. I don’t mind that. But I do mind when you copy-paste my posts lady!

Budget 2020

Dear herd!

Budget 2020 is simply like this:
Education: Rs.4 billions
Health: Rs.20 billions
Defence: Rs.1402 billions

I know. Education and Health are mainly under provinces (18th Amendment) and will get allocations through provincial budgets as well.

But dear Vawda-kinda! This Rs.1402 billion doesn’t include military pensions (Rs.369 billion which is 79% of federal government’s total pension bill). Major weaponry procurement. Mega projects under FWO. Security enhancement (Rs.45 billion last year). Or businesses. Their revenues. Plots. Potential DHAs.

And supplementary grants? Like the one which they got a month back of Rs.1.66 billion for a surveillance project.

And how many supplementary grants?

There is another calculation which I leave to you: subtract debt programmes from the total federal budget, and then calculate how much is allocated to defence (%age) vs rest of the country – considering we are fighting a pandemic.

Anyway, don’t bother.
But don’t be ill-informed.
And don’t defend the defenders for God sake.

We saw our PM cry every other day for the poor on TV. As he had no strategy or plan to tackle the virus, he offered us crocodiles tears. Regularly. And then his team presented a budget – shamelessly – wherein every single component related to the poor has been robbed.

After him comes Gill. Then Chauhan. Then Rashid. Then the other Rashid. Then Mirza. Then another. Another. Another. And the whole day is spent in press conferences with exactly the same rhetoric.
Blaming past.
Blaming virus.
Blaming opponents.
Blaming media.
Blaming people.

‘Mafia’ is the new scapegoat.
Who is behind medicine and drugs price hike? Mafia.
Who is behind sugar prices? Mafia.
Who is behind wheat crisis? Mafia.
Who is behind petrol crisis? Mafia.

Who is behind your seat Mr. Prime Minister? Mafia.

Rarely you see doctors on TV. They are not included in committees to handle the virus. They are not allowed to speak publicly. Their voice is completely missing. And the budget too – criminally – has ignored doctors and their advice.

This isn’t war. In fact, there is no war around the world at the moment. The whole world is tackling the same crises and doing its best to prevent it.

And here, in the land of pure, the budget has been prepared based on the same old two nation theory. Diamonds for me. Nickels for you.

Sadly – and honestly – blaming Khan or PTI is foolish too. They aren’t ever in power.
Just like their predecessors.
And their predecessors.
And their predecessors.

Random Numbness (June 2020)

Mere Pakistanio! We don’t have a simple plan. We have business plan. Plans. Locust is business too. Boys are on it and I trust them. At least with revenues.
 
I came to know that Ehsan Ullah is not in Turkey but in Islamabad. You don’t need to worry. He’s in safe hands. Like Rao Anwar. But you are pissed off. Right? So?
 
Quaid-e-Azam said, “You are free; you are free to go to your parks. You are free to go to your malls or to any other places of contracting the virus in this state of Pakistan. You may belong to any religion, caste or creed – that has nothing to do with the business of the state.”
 
How can I go against Quaid’s plan? How can I go against ‘business of the state’? You need to understand that.
 
With so many economic challenges around the world, I came with a plan. For poor and needy people. Catch locust and sell it for Rs.15/kg. This is the same rate of land acquisitions for DHA and Bahria and Fazaia.
 
Fazaia se yaad aya Faiza beauty cream is racist. And it doesn’t even work.
 
Anyway.
 
Doctors are crying. Complaining as usual. For PPEs and stuff. Such a shame that we have these unpatriotic doctors with no sense of nationalism. I don’t even consider them front-line warriors. In fact, I don’t consider them at all. They don’t even exist for me.
 
Who would have asked for this and that in war time? Pathetic!
When we sent PPEs to USA, they cried even more. No empathy. No sympathy.
 
Meanwhile, have you seen the audacity of Bangladesh? The little kids sent us medicine. Well, I don’t consider it a good gesture. These-crying-little-victims-of-1971 have nothing to offer us except blames. Look at them at what they have lost. They would have been celebrating May 28th a few days back but they chose medicine overall missiles.
 
Mere dumb Pakistanio! I know we are waiting for two things at the moment. Next episode of Ertugrul and the vaccine. Well, Ertugrul will be on time. For vaccine, these lazy scientists have to find something yet. And even if they will, what guarantees success?
 
Polio has a vaccine.
And we have polio.
You getting the point na?
 
See what’s happening in the US. The police brutality has taken a toll over blacks. At least we are not facing this issue. Blacks are safe here. Also, we never let people out in masses. Our security forces are always ready to cover the dark state. I would ask Trump to get a hold of himself and impose martial law. Immediately.
 
And look at Rome, Tokyo, Madrid, New York, London, Delhi, Red Light Areas of Amsterdam. Apart from perpetrators, there is nothing to be seen. And here, in Pakistan – let me be precise – even Heera Mandi is fully operational and treating the visitors like usual.
 
Mere Pakistanio!
 
Ap ne ghabrana nahi hai. Boys and I are on everything. Home Department, AG, IG, CPEC, Information, PIA, WAPDA, NDMA, PTV, CAA, Anti-Narco, FPSC, PDMA, PM Housing Authority, SUPARCO, POF and various other departments and authorities are now disciplined.
 
With goose-step every morning, all are attentive and uniformed departments. You cannot believe, but no other democratic government ever achieved this.
 
You voted us. No you didn’t. But yes you did. After all, Hitler was elected too. Ha ha! That was humor.
 
Let me end this with Iqbal’s couplet;
 
Subh-e-azal yeh mujh se kaha General nay
Jo aqal ka ghulam ho, wo dil na qabool ker

George Floyd

Malcolm X is as relevant today as he was back in the 60s. His brutally honest words took him to his grave. He knew he would be assassinated. There were attempts and phone taps and followings.

But he didn’t bow down.

Not to the FBI. Not to the US Government. Not to Elijah Mohammad. Not to the NOI. Not to anyone.

So – as he said after Kennedy’s assassination – chickens are coming home to roost.

US has seeded racial, religious and class discrimination across the world. Here, it is facing what it has done. But there are so many divisions among the Black community itself that it wouldn’t be now. Not this time. Until another Malcolm X arrives with the same brutal honesty.

Not Martin Luther King. Not Elijah Mohammed. Not Wallace Fard. But Malcolm X.

Now come to the police brutality.

Well, isn’t it the same here? Have you forgotten Sahiwal massacre? If you’ll compare US’s police with our local police, it will be a grotesque comparison. That cop who killed George Floyd has already been charged. On the contrary, our security personnel always go free after years of cooling-down-the-anger.

Like the killers of Sarfaraz Shah. The incident was recorded and went viral. But impotency here is so high that there wasn’t a single rally against the perpetrators.

And who can forget Rao Anwar’s 444 encounters. Even Supreme Court succumbed to his tactics.

And even if the police will do something tangible, like they did in case of Raymond Davis, boys will come to the rescue. Remember Pasha escorting Davis to the airport? Yes, you do. You didn’t utter a word.

But.

Your hypocrisy is conveniently making you talk. Big words. Justice. Equality. Law. Punishment. Shame.

Shame!

We are still on our way to become an uglier society. For over a decade, Hazara community has been targeted and killed. By state owned Lashkar-e-Jhangvi. Even IK tweeted this once.

Now, Hazara community has done the same and killed three young boys. This is completion of the cycle. But it is just the beginning of a vicious cycle. When victims become perpetrators, you know what’s coming.

So, don’t bother. You still have to compete with your own hypocritical dumbness.

And you have a topic. That Uzma, Usman, Sadaf, Shehroz stuff. Talk about that. Because you still have to figure out what’s better: to cheat and keep OR to divorce and marry.

Carry on.

Music!

Letter

Dear Taya Abu,

Glad to know you are doing so well in Ladakh. We are going mad with happiness. We are already trolling Phupho on Twitter. Proud of you.

But Taya Abu! While you are doing so good, do come forward for our little cousins in Srinagar. This is a request. End their misery once and for all.

In return, we will remain unconscious about our cousins in Uighur. Who? We don’t even know them. Keep making your concentration camps. If you need any help – I mean labour – we are a yuan away.

P.S. we accept your sons’ proposals for our sisters. You are welcome to take them anytime.

Best regards for your future endeavors in Hong Kong.

Collectively yours,
Begana Abdullah.

8303

Behind every flight is a story. Some are going for a family gathering. Some to attend a marriage. Some to grieve.

Some are with money and gifts. Some empty handed.

There are incomplete goodbyes on departure and awaited welcomes on arrivals. Goodbyes are always incomplete. There is always that last handshake, hug or kiss which is missed. Always.

And then there are plane crashes.

Mayday. Mayday. People waiting for their loved ones at the airport now have to receive them from the morgue.

The idea of crashing in itself is horrible. Imagine yourself in a plane going down. Your life flashing in your eyes. Death – horrible death – covering you from all dimensions. And you are stuck on your seat and can do nothing.

Behind every plane crash is a different story. Different tragedy. Sometimes, there are blunders. Sometimes, it’s technical. Sometimes, the planes are not managed properly – like in most cases of PIA. And other times, it’s just the call.

Death is fine. The way it comes isn’t. And we don’t have a choice. Except to die anyway.

Dying in a plane crash is one of the most horrible ways to have an ending. No hope. Severe shock. Everything jolting. Sudden knock of death. Everyone already mourning their own end. Everyone not-ready to be burnt alive.

And being on such a tragic plane with your family is another misery altogether. What can you do? What have you done? This can’t be karma. This can’t be explained.

Another such tragedy is of missing people. Families don’t know if their loved ones are alive. Some actually pray for their deaths. Mothers have gone on long marches demanding dead bodies of their son.

Because when you bury, you know the whole story. When you don’t, you are hanged alive. Not dying. And dying every moment.

May there be some value of life.
May there be some sense of responsibility in those who are working in such sensitive jobs.
May there be some empathy in those dealing in repair and maintenance of planes.

‘Here’ is before ‘hereafter’. Hereafter is nothing without here. It doesn’t even exist without here first.

With cornona epidemic, plane crash, unsafe kids, state violence, and national misery… can’t say ‘Eid Mubarik’.

May everyone rest in peace!
Those who are gone.
And those who aren’t.

Colonel Virus

Corona virus is new. Colonel virus is not.

Just imagine, if she did this with policemen, what would she do to civilians.
Then Imagine wives of higher hierarchy.
And then Imagine the higher hierarchy itself.

Try to get an idea of what the people of tribal areas and Balochistan must be going through.

Remember PTM? Their demands? One demand was to reduce the number of check-posts to save them of their daily dose of humiliation.

A few days back, a senior military official was fined due to traffic violation in India. In Pakistan, Motorway Police was beaten and tortured by the boys in 2016 for doing their duty. Pistols were shown. Power was demonstrated. And the case was done and dusted.

Like the case of Sarfraz Shah killed by Rangers in Karachi.
Or the case of Sahiwal massacre.
Or the case of Wapda lineman killed by an officer.
Or the case of Rao Anwar’s 444.
Or the mysterious escape of Ehsan Ullah Ehsan.
This can be a never ending list.

You cannot trial those who run the system. You cannot trial the owners. You cannot trial who can make you evaporate. You cannot do anything.

See the government. Imagine its helplessness. There are retired and on-duty officers on major civilian posts. Almost every major department is taken over. Like lands of DHAs all across the country.

Situation is as ugly as Suparco.

Founded in 1961, Abdus Salam was its first chairman along-with other great minds of the time. Administrative control of the commission remained under doctors and experts of the relevant field till 2001. Then it was taken over by army. Since 2001, you-know-who are running a pathetic show.

So, this colonel virus isn’t new. But our response and numbness is as miserable as it’s against corona virus.

Anyway,
Just accept.
Welcome this acceptance.
This would be your first step towards realization.
And this realization would materialize someday.

Till then, eat grass.

Random Numbness (May 2020)

As the number of confirmed cases are growing exponentially on a daily basis, we are here with eased-locked. Or smart lockdown. Or whatever.
The official binary debate was: save jobs vs. save lives. And it’s ‘save jobs’. [Why do I feel like writing ‘Steve Jobs’ instead of ‘save jobs’?]. Well, with 5 million kids coming in the next six months, the decision is quite sensible. You can make ‘lives’ on bed but you can’t create ‘jobs’ that way.
PM was right. And smart.
With the binary debate, I got to remember that binary question which changed our fate forever. Remember when Islamabad got a call from Washington after 9/11? “With us or against us?” Exactly. Smart. Catastrophically smart.

[Not using ‘dumb’ or ‘duffers’ today as people complained that I get personal. Duly noted.]
Every other day, PM opens his puzzle box and no one is sure what he is playing. Sometimes he praises his actions and other times his inactions. Sometimes it is a conspiracy of elites and other times it is his charisma.
Just when he was worried about the hungry and the poor and needy and the jobless; ECC approved a grant of Rs.1.66 billion for the richest for a telecom monitoring project.
A conspiracy of elites! To keep an eye on you. To make Orwell’s Big Brother stronger. And better. Because now is the ideal time for real business.
In the name of national security.
In a parallel universe meanwhile, two Baloch graduates of Quaid-e-Azam University were killed in Balochistan by Security Forces. This happens when you keep on labeling people and are not ready to talk.
Like in 1971, we were not ready to talk to the inferior Bengali race. Today, we are not ready to bear these inferior Baloch and Tribal races. So, there are a couple of million traitors in the country at the moment.
Words will bleed.
We will ponder for a while.
Then we will switch on the TV. For stupid debates and advertisements of things we don’t need.
And Ertugrul.
Game of Thrones had a crowd following. So does Ertugrul. So, not on the cards and not at all interested.
But if you are interested in Turkey, then remember this country did something in recent history which we never could. In July 2016, Turkish Military attempted to impose Martial Law. The public came out and stood before tanks. And the coup met with a historical failure.
This is a better story than falling in love with Ertugrul and then feeling betrayal after googling ‘Halime Hatun’.
[Watching movies / series / dramas are based on personal interests. As long as you are having fun – and learning – keep watching. Anything.]
Sadly, we don’t cherish our ‘own’ heroes. Like Bhagat Singh who stood against oppression. We cherish those who came and assaulted us. Mughals, Ghazni, Bin Qasim, Aibak, Ghori, Abdali… were all foreign invaders. Who came for their vested interests. Like America came to Afghanistan.
Moreover, why don’t we wonder why we always cherish those who killed thousands / millions? These warriors rarely fought for anything moral or upright or anything other than their own personal interest.
But yes. When the invaders become rulers, they become part of the society. They become part of the culture. Urdu came into being that way. The monuments of the last 10 centuries are our heritage. That’s why we cherish Mughals. Then why don’t we cherish British rule?
Argh…
Wrong question.
History works in mysterious way. With the sword of the powerful. And the pen of the writer.
All we need to do is: to know history and to be critical of it and never to repeat follies.
And never, ever to forget.