A Story About Love

A woman had a good business back in old days. She had workers but she needed a man to handle all her trades and financial matters honestly, locally as well as abroad.

Then she heard of a man who had a reputation for honesty and integrity. She asked him to manage her business. The man agreed and she hired him.

He took charge of his new job and managed it with utmost honesty. He was not only honest with his employer but with his customers too. If a product was faulty or had some defect, he would tell the customer before making a sale.

Gradually, the business flourished even more. The businesswoman was so happy and impressed by the man that she fell in love and proposed him. The man accepted the proposal and together they made a beautiful story of an ideal couple.

That is a love story we all know. Yet, we all hide it somehow. An empowered and businesswoman? A male subordinate? A woman proposing a man? A woman 15 years elder than him?

An eternal love story.

The woman was Khadija RA.

The man was Prophet Muhammad PBUH.

Then, we became the followers, and we messed up all the concepts of love.

The Other Side…

Since women’s day is over, one must recognize another emerging truth of the society. Gone are the days – old days – when elders used to say:

“بچے چھوڑ کر گھر آجاؤ دو دنوں میں دماغ ٹھیک ہو جائے گا۔”

Scenario has changed. Or is changing pretty rapidly.

In the old days, fathers handled finances and mothers handled homes and kids. (I’m not defending that setting nor criticizing it.) With more needs, expensive education and healthcare, gadgets, competitiveness as well as women empowerment; both the parents entered the job market.

From sole financial custodians, fathers became partners in different settings of sharing at 100:0 to 50:50 to 80:20 or whatever. And motherhood was outsourced. Or you may say, parenthood was outsourced. To grandparents or daycare centers or maids.

The social norms further changed with social media. Fathers, apart from sole / main earners, had to prove inclusive and participatory fatherhood. From bathing kids to changing diapers, chores were shared. Gradually, particular concepts of fatherhood and motherhood intermingled.

مائے نی میں کنوں آکھاں!

Such poetry may not resonate as mother oriented as it did before. Or it may.

Where fathers still are the sole earners and mothers stay at home, the situation is even more intense. These homes are not homes without maids but a mess. Now yes, you may say women are not maids. But then, fathers are not mothers either. At least in this case.

There is division of labor and there should be division of labor.

Today, mothers are fathers. And fathers are mothers too. And in a brutal analogy – again not taking sides – maids are mothers too. Outsourced mothers.

Tyler Durden once said, “We’re a generation of men raised by women.”

Times may change the words to, “We’re a generation of men raised by maids.“

It’s a little sensitive topic. May hurt some. Or none. Doesn’t matter. A very harsh post – to which I stand – was written on women’s day. I stand with women’s right to life, decision, work, and whatever they may choose for themselves.

Let me add another thing here, since divorce rate is going up, family courts are having more cases than ever before. And in family courts, women have all the chips to play. Men suffer there for months and years for a single glimpse of their child. If you ever want to see men suffering, go to family courts. But yes, not all men are saints there either.

Anyway, back to the topic. Just wanted to say what should have been said. There are heroes on both sides. And villains as well. That doesn’t mean one should be biased enough to bang the one side only. Hence,

اب باپ بچے سنبھال لیتے ہیں۔

Financial Blunders

Blunders happen. But then, there are blunders only bastards can perform with eloquence.

Fiscal year or financial year budget is of 12 months. “Year.” Our FY starts from 1st of very July and ends on 30th of June. Budget – both development and non-development – is for a complete FY. This also means, that all the un-utilized funds shall lapse on 30th of June. Departments try their best – which is at par with worse – to utilize maximum funds.

And utilization is by far the only KPI that bureaucracy knows. Anyway, we are discussing something else. Not bastards.

Since we had an ugly caretaker-cum-PCB setup in Punjab, the budget presented for FY 2023-24 was for July to October. Funds lapsed on 31st October. Interestingly, no one had idea that funds would lapse. Even Finance Department was clueless. You can’t even believe what kind of comedy that was.

Anyway, new budget was announced for November 2023 to February 2024. That also lapsed in the last week of February 2024.

And now, surprise, surprise! Budget has been announced for one month i.e., March 2024. From 1st March to 31st March. By the time funds will be released – i.e., mid of the month – it will also be the time for closing of the Financial Year. Or financial month.

What next? Budget for a week? It’s so gross.

That’s why I say you cannot sustain with bureaucracy anymore. Even good politicians cannot do anything good. They will innovate such ugly measures that nothing will happen yet the whole secretariat will look like an Emergency Department. Everyone is running. Doing nothing.

Iddat & The Judge

You played with the religion. In the end, religion outplayed you. That’s how people are done and dusted in a theological state.

Iddat has punished an ex PM to prison. While qisas and diyat helped murderers get away with crime and punishment.

Like once, the whole state was playing with Jihad and Mujahideen. Until both turned back and took the state violently with over 80,000 dead bodies.

I know. You have your arguments. But I have counterarguments. I’m not against the religion. I’m against the use of it by the state and people.

In the end, religion will wipe away basic rights if the state will own it to set its own narrative. For common people, it’s a lose-lose. Always.

Don’t fall into a trap. Differentiate between personal and public choices. And if you cannot respect someone’s privacy, then be ready to be violated of your own personal space some day.

It’s a lose-lose. Remember that.

———-

Let me. Let me think this through by imagining myself as a Judge. I am a Judge. Yes, I am.

So, how did I do it? How did I analyze iddat? If I can analyze iddat period, can I analyze period too? Can I? If I think I can, I can. Steno! Note that one. It’s a quotable quote and I am the Judge.

Ok. Let me extend my intellect. What if I order that all the parents must submit DNA tests of their children to the court? Or Nadra. Else, Nadra may be ordered to cancel B-Forms of their children. How strict is that order? I have bounded the entire generation to my order. 250 million.

But I am not done yet. I am the Judge.

I will clean the marriages. I will differentiate between your harami and halali lineage. Ooooh! I’m so excited. This will lead to divorces, but I don’t care. A marriage should be on halal terms. Or there should be no marriage at all. We will go back. To the times of matrilineal societies. No marriages. No divorces. I will be remembered as the judge who ended divorces.

This is getting on my nerves. This is getting on my nerves. I need my pill. Order, order. The court is adjourned.

Society of the Snow (movie)

Didn’t get any such idea after ‘Alive’ but after ‘Society of the Snow’ I can tell how a similar incident shall unfold in future.

For instance, the plane has crashed in an isolated nowhere and some are dead and some are alive. After eating the chocolates and whatever was on the plane, they will instantly turn into cannibalism. Why? Because at least one of them have seen the movie.

Consider, half of the survivors have seen the movie.

I know how to survive.
How?
We need to eat the dead ones. Otherwise we all will die.
That’s insane.
No it’s not. I’ve seen a movie of a similar plane crash. Some of them waited and died for no reason.
Yeah, yeah, I’ve seen that movie too.
I’ve heard about it.
Yes, let’s do the needful.

That’s it. With a clean conscience. In fact, they will cook and make better food with the available ingredients. Roasted meat. Kebabs if possible. Kapooray.

There will be a couple of vegetarians with dilemmas to fight with.

But then the second tragedy will arrive. The dead ones have been eaten and no one came to rescue and the survivors have no food to survive further. Because they didn’t wait for a week or so without food. They didn’t eat just to survive but to keep their skin and looks intact.

Only then will the struggle, the plan, not to wait for the rescue teams but to reach out will occur.

And this would be too late because there is no food to travel with. All the dead ones have been eaten. The alive ones will be dead soon.

Later on, after months, someone will discover them. The dead bodies and the bones. With smartphones around, pictures and videos would be recovered. Lots of selfies. Filtered pictures. Pouts. And stuff to be uploaded on TikTok and Insta afterwards. Just in case. Would gather millions of followers.

That would be the society of future similar incidents. Perks of being informed. Perks of Netflix. And perks of social media cravings.

Animal (movie)

Forgive me father! I have sinned. I have seen the “Animal”.

But a little clarification before further judgments to be passed:

Those who know, know that I try not to miss movies about father and daughter. Divorces too. I have seen a lot in this genre and the last big one was “The Whale” where one scene is still stuck with me, “I need to know that I have done one thing right with my life!”. Other movies include Kramer vs. Kramer. A Separation. Te3n. The Son. Madaari. Gifted. Mrs. Chatterjee. And so many more.

I went to see the movie “Hi Nanna” also called “Hi Papa” on Netflix. But instead, I sinned. Another father movie but…

Are you with me with my lame excuses? Good.

Let’s give “Animal” 1 out of 10. Why 1? Because they had a dialogue of Al-Pacino from The Godfather, “If anything in this life is certain, if history has taught us anything, it is that you can kill anyone”. Obviously in Hindi but ok.

Other than that, what was it? How to make a John Wick movie in Bollywood?

Bollywood is family stuff, so add family. Papa on top.

For guns and guns and guns, add wealth. Make the family ultra rich. Bring hundreds of men so that John can kill them at will.

Not enough? Add male chauvinism. Add anger and alpha male sperms in the entire film.

Script? Not needed. It will be a hit in a region where men are so insecure that they feed their ‘desires’ with actions like that. Now, how many men would try to be such losers after watching this for a week or so?

But still, the script? Add underwear. Add threesome. Slaps. Lots of slaps. Car bomb scene – again, Godfather; Michael Corleone in Italy with his second wife. Bombed.

What do we have so far? John Wick + Michael Corleone. Add someone desi. Aha! Sanjay Dutt.

By the way, Godfather has been done in Rajneeti, pretty nicely. Sanju has been done too. Ranbir in both. Then why this shit? Wasn’t Kabir Singh enough?

What was the role of women in the movie? One Ivy League sister was always crying and accepting the undue insults from her male. The other had… no role. The mother had… no role. The wife had one role to produce some scenes and two kids. The other woman had one role around sheets.

Oh, one thing to learn. You can go back to your rural relatives after decades and they will be ready to offer all their young men for your security. They will sing. Joke. Guard your affairs. And will die with a smile. For you. Because they don’t have ‘papa’.

And bring Bobby back. Without a single dialogue. He couldn’t do anything for decades with dialogues. So, mute him. Give him a sex appeal. And that’s it. It shall work. Definitely.

I have sinned. 3 hours and 24 mins wasted in violence that was almost turning into a violent homosexuality scene on the runway, but one couldn’t speak, and one couldn’t listen.

What else? Kill hundreds. Show blood. Extreme violence. With some Sikh men singing in chorus with guns in hand. Add ‘papa’ in the lyrics. Accommodate Kabir a little. And that’s it.

These guys. In 40s. 50s. And 60s. Snatching roles of 30s. Never getting tired. Taking space for decades. While women departing to mature roles at 40.

John Wick didn’t try to be younger. He was retired. Di Nero. George Clooney. Daniel Craig. These guys became a class with their age without being in a denial mode. Here, South Asian screen guys are badly stuck. As stuck as Hamayun Saeed was with antenna not working in the 90s.

Nonetheless, the acting wasn’t bad. Guys did well. Only, the script was too ugly.

Lastly, the tiresome insult to cigarettes was too much. I’m taking back that 1.

I definitely have sinned.

You guys going to judge me? Ok. Remember that monkey scene without the monkey but there actually was monkey right there? Yeah, imagine that.

Ram Mandir

Yesterday was the last nail in the coffin of Nehru’s and Gandhi’s India. And Ambedkar’s constitutional India as well. It was a Hindu dream that came true. But actually, it was all about Modi’s third term.

Ram Mandir. Babir Mosque. Synecdoche selections for different communities.

A temple didn’t win.

A mosque didn’t lose.

Only Modi won.

Afterall, Modi’s legacy is going to be more suffocating than Zia’s legacy. Because Zia was not as celebrated as Indians celebrate Modi.

How cool was Ranbir in Tamasha challenging all the norms and values?

How cool was Aalia Bhatt in her feminist movies?

How cool was Ayushman Khurrana in taking up bold scripts? 

And Amitabh Bachan. How cool was he… till yesterday?

Imagine making a population of 204 million people irrelevant. Who could have done it except Modi? 204 million Muslim voters look as irrelevant as a minority that’s too minor.

But that is not just the end. South India didn’t celebrate yesterday. Karnataka, Kerala, Tamil Nadu, Telangana etc. No. They stood with their liberal and secular values and didn’t celebrate yesterday. South Indians are perhaps the finest lot in the entire South Asian region.

Anyway. Does it look like Modi is coming again this year? Well, not sure. The constant radical stunts are not overused.

In the recent bi-elections of India where BJP completed a “hat-trick” was more of propaganda that they are going to win the same way in Lok Sabha. Objectively, BJP got a total of 48,133,463 votes while Congress got 49,077,907. This is a huge difference of around 1 million votes. And overall, Congress had significant improvements in votes from the last time.

So, maybe Modi isn’t coming again.

But Donald Trump is coming for sure. All he needs is judicial clearance and there is nothing stopping him. Ron DeSantis is gone. Nikki Haley will be next. And then, there will be Trump. Afterall, this is century of populism and going back to the era where things were difficult for minorities.

With Rishi Sunak in the UK, the white heads are re-thinking the world order again. One cannot get Arab nationality. The majority of Africa doesn’t welcome them. A white person cannot even dream to become a president or PM of any Asian or Arab or African country. Yet, people from these regions are populating the parliamentary benches of Europe and North America. This isn’t digestible anymore and a change in the system will be evident soon.

A lot of deviation. Like usual. But before the end, let’s applause those who didn’t join the myopic celebrations of yesterday.

Like Virat Kohli. Rohit Sharma. M. S. Dhoni. Anushka Sharma. The Bollywood didn’t stand but the Indian cricketers did. One may say that there are some Indian players taking the team ahead not only in the ground but off-field as well.

With that, let’s hope India learns from the mistakes Pakistan committed in 1970s and 1980s. Before it’s alarmingly late.

Two Divorces & A Marriage

Noise: She deserves happiness. Her ex must be a wrong number and she must have left him for good and married a man of her choice. She already suffered a lot in the past when she was accused of her behavior. So happy for her and all the women.

Someone: Hmm.

Noise: He is such a scum for leaving his wife though who left her country for him. He’s as shitty as most men. Feeling sad for his ex. She was too good for him.

Someone: Isn’t it a same story from both sides?

Noise: No. Men cheat and don’t suffer. Women don’t cheat yet they suffer.

Someone: Who do men cheat with? Eh, women!

Noise: You are defending the cheaters here.

Someone: No. Just trying to stay out of personal choices of random people.

Noise: Ok, tell me, who is to blame here?

Someone: Your ability to judge people loudly with gender bias in deeds that were committed or uncommitted by the two equally.

Noise: Now you are blaming me for speaking out loudly for the right cause.

Someone: There’s no cause except people sharing their own insecurities and dilemmas in personal happenings of other people; just to make a point that they too were right in their own past deeds.

Noise: Now you are judging me. Are you calling me the bad person in my past life?

Someone: No. Not blaming you for anything.

Noise: You are blaming me and all like me who suffered.

Someone: Usually, it’s the both sides that suffer. At least in the cities and among upper classes where suffering is not just one dimensional.

Noise: Blame everyone so that all can be sleep peacefully. Right?

Someone: No one’s to blame here except the suffocating settings of marriage, that the whole world has adopted in unison. A concept that sounds beautiful on papers yet rarely is a blessing for any.

Noise: Just because you wanted to defend a man, you targeted religion. How immoral you can be?

Someone: Morality! What would be the next stop? Blasphemy? All the way from a random marriage of two random people to this?

Noise: Just accept that you will go to any length to defend cheaters. Even if you had to go against religion.

Someone: Should I recite Shahadat now?

Noise: Perhaps you should.

Someone: Perhaps I should recite Tauz first to get rid of the demons around me.

Marriage

Before questioning someone’s marriage, you should question the institution of marriage itself. How was it formed? Why was it made? And how the world was operating before this system?

Isn’t it strange that almost all civilizations and religions adopted marriage by default – with a little this and that? Why?

How people lived otherwise? Were there more matrilineal societies?

In the end, wasn’t it the element of jealousy that formed an institution to bestow property kinda laws on people and their sexualities? Particularly women!

If your answer is all about procreation and children then what if the state takes the position of a father – as Plato said? It had. And it has.

Education, health, monthly payments to mothers and similar other services by the state can defuse your arguments for marriage. See Scandinavia. The state owns its children more than a father.

By the way, don’t get into answers where marriage is confused with parenthood. Parenthood was always there. Marriage wasn’t. Even today in certain tribes, marriage is not known.

Now, that would be a long post. Maybe some other day with some insights from Bertrand Russell.

But before that, you must read the last post about 1799 which you people have intentionally or unintentionally ignored.

1799

One of the most happening years in human history was the year ‘1799’.

That was the time when French Revolution ended even though King Louis XVI and Queen Marie Antoinette were murdered in 1793 and Maximilian Robespierre – one of the architects of the revolution – was killed in 1794. The revolution was against the House of Burbon and took no mercy on any ‘traitor’.

Napoleon Bonaparte took over in 1799 through a coup d’état and ruled till 1814. French Revolution ended up with a jump from one monarchy to another. But that was not just that. It was also the foundation of feminism and women rights apart from democracy, freedom, and equality.

Ironically, Napoleon’s monarchy ended with restoration of the House of Bourbon with Louis XVIII becoming the king again. Funny? He was thrown again in the July Revolution of 1830. Then came the Republic. Then came Napoleon III. Then Republic again. So, on and on. It was a century of all kinds of political seasons for French people.

That was a deviation. Now back to 1799.

Just when Napoleon was taking over France, Mysore was falling. Tipu Sultan was defeated and killed in 1799 in the Siege of Seringapatam by the East India Company. After Haider Ali, Tipu Sultan took over, but he was in consistent external threats from the beginning.

An English Governor General weakened the Mysore rule gradually with major and minor blows and through constraining the state. That Governor General was not finally able to defeat Tipu Sultan in the siege but that General was the one who did the damage. Will tell you about him in a bit.  

With the Fall of Mysore, the entire Subcontinent was taken over by Britain – except one region.

General Lord Cornwallis took the final blow of defeat in America in 1781. He surrendered in Yorktown to George Washington. American foundation was completed after 5 years to July 4th, 1776. That same general went back to England. He served in other countries and was finally sent to India.

And that was the same Governor General Lord Cornwallis of Bengal who weakened Tipu Sultan over the years. See! How history is connected. From America to England to the Tiger of Mysore.

Well, back to 1799.

After Mysore, the entire Subcontinent was under Britain. Except Punjab.

Sikhs had a strong force of powerful men. In the west were Pathans and in the East were English. But Sikhs didn’t succumb to any of them. In 1799, Ranjit Singh captured Lahore and became the Maharaja of Punjab and Kashmir. The western boundary of his empire was almost exactly as today’s Durand Line. It’s not controversial really.

Ranjit Singh ruled for 40 years, and his rule is considered as one of the finest times in history of Punjab.

So, we have 1799 with Napoleon Bonaparte, Lord Cornwallis, Tipu Sultan and Ranjit Singh so far. George Washington died in 1799, so he does not matter.

Another interesting aspect behind all this is that if French Monarchy wouldn’t have been in trouble during the 1780s and 1790s, it was assumed that Tipu Sultan could have been rescued by the French against the English. But that did not happen as French were busy in their own internal mess.

Imagine, Napoleon Bonaparte coming all the way from France to Egypt (which he did) to Persia to India and finally to Mysore to stand with another tiger of his time. Two Tigers. Would have been a historical drama of its kind.

We think of world as a global city today with the internet, 24/7 news, televisions, social media and stuff. But it was not as isolated as you may think of. See, how cool was 1799 – though it was all about war and blood. No peace.

Almost forgot. If there wouldn’t have been Napoleon, there wouldn’t have been “War and Peace” of Leo Tolstoy. So, at least from literary point of view: the mess was justified.

Similarly, if England wouldn’t have been an island, they wouldn’t have made ships in such numbers. That would have led to less voyages. No voyages to the deep south and unseen world. No such adventures mean no Darwin on one of the voyages to the south of Latin America. Hence, no Theory of Evolution would have been there.

Or – for instance – if Constantinople wouldn’t have been conquered by Sultan Muhammad Fateh in 1453 and Byzantine Empire could have lived some more countries, then the land passage from Europe to Asia would have survived for Europeans.

In that case, ship industry and sea voyages wouldn’t have flourished; then Columbus wouldn’t have founded America in 1492 and natives of that land could have lived some more centuries without being annihilated.

And India wouldn’t have been taken over by sea route, but through land. Forces coming from the west. Passing through Afghanistan. And leading all the way to Lahore and Delhi. In that case, Calcutta and Bombay could have been villages for a very long time as these cities were developed by those foreigners who landed there back in those days of Mughal Empire. And Mughals were after all Mongols.

Enough!

Let this be “Concise History of the World: What Happened and What Could Have Happened”.