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Bureaucracy is idiotically funny. Whoever comes on top, must be accepted. The shit that comes down from anus of the boss, must be taken in hands by the juniors. With respect. That’s why the whole recruitment system is based on finding ‘yes boss’.

That is another reason that every secretariat is hustling and bustling in office hours. Even in off hours. All departments are running around madly with briefs, presentations, and meetings. Yet, there is hardly a thing that moves.

For instance, hundreds of meetings and briefs have been conducted to provide relief to flood victims. Yet, nothing. Millions have already been wasted on meetings and stuff without any relief for the victims. This is the beauty of bureaucracy. It keeps on moving yet nothing moves. Not even an eyebrow on all the wasted papers and funds.

Come to Punjab.

Muhammad Khan Bhatti is currently the Principal Secretary to the Chief Minister. He’s not a bureaucrat but the whole bureaucracy of Punjab is reporting to him. He rose from Grade-7 to Grade-22 just because of his loyalty to Elahi family. Now imagine the beauty of Mehmood-o-Ayaz kind of system. The ugly sharks like Chief Secretary, Chairman P&D, Secretary Finance, SMBR, and other giants of administrative departments are all reporting to a clerk. A business clerk. The clerk can even keep them waiting on one leg – the leg – whenever he wishes to.

Apart from beauty of bureaucracy, this is beauty of being an idiot too. A suited booted idiot who moves with the world moving around.

So, it’s all about hierarchy. Hierarchy of bastards. Whoever comes on top, must be respected. It is not about work to be done but work not to be done. It’s not the only idiot on top. The stream follows all the way down to the point where bureaucracy ends. And this whole system is Orwellian. Like Animal Farm. Where pigs are on top and known as the bastards.

Solution: Dissolve. Dissolve the bureaucracy. Employees should get promotions gradually to reach on top. Just like in private organizations where employees rise with years of experience and field knowledge. Imagine a bureaucrat being posted as CEO of Google or NASA or Tesla. No don’t imagine. Let imaginations be clean.

After 1857 Mutiny, British India started to recruit specific people in their military based on their history of faithfulness. Punjabis (including Indian Punjab) and Pashtuns were on top and were recruited with favoritism as they stood faithful to English against their own fellow citizens during the mutiny.

This is the base of theory of martial race. Or martial race theory. 

After the mutiny, Bengalis were ignored. They were considered ‘weak’ for military by the Britain and were ranked the lowest. They were considered good with pen and bad with military service – or slavery so to speak. No wonder, All India Muslim League was formed in Dhaka and not in Western India (today’s Pakistan).  

After the mutiny, the percentage of Punjabi and Pashtun soldiers gradually increased in the colonial army. By 1929, 62% of soldiers in the army were Punjabi.  After Independence in 1947, Pakistan military had a share of 72% Punjabis. Bengalis percentage in army never exceeded 9% from 1947 to 1971, even though they had around 55% share of the total population. This was the discriminatory system which crashed in 1971.

Recently, as reported by Guardian, records of 320,000 Punjabi soldiers from WW-I were uncovered from the depths of Lahore Museum. The data of these soldiers is being uploaded on www.punjabww1.com. Data of Sialkot, Jalandhar and Ludhiana districts have already been uploaded. This compilation and digitization of data is interesting.

Coming back to martial race, after Independence of 1947, Pakistan inherited the same military with the same unsaid rules. Punjabis and Pashtuns on top over other races and provinces. This is one of the reasons behind Fall of Dhaka in 1971. The discrimination, monopolization, and hate was embedded within the politics, as well as military.

The martial race theory was a comprehensive and long-term recruitment plan of Englishmen to rule the country through local countrymen. We all know General Dyer and Michael O’Dwyer as the men behind Jallianwala Bagh Massacre of 1919. But these two men didn’t fire a single bullet. Do you know who did? Punjabis did. That day, Punjabis in uniform killed Punjabi civilians. That day, Indians killed Indians. That’s why I always say militarism is dumb. It makes you a complete duffer and you don’t even think before firing a bullet on your own.

Let me elaborate with another scenario.

A sepoy belongs to lower economic strata of the society. He is less educated and is in the military for financial stability. He is sent on duty within the country. And his usual targets are men / women of lower economic strata of the society. He attacks men of his own class. He attacks houses like his own. It’s like Jallianwala Bagh in mini-series of a soldier’s life.

This current military system, which is in Pakistan, India and almost everywhere around the world, is inherited from Britain. Medals, ranks, uniforms, divisions, everything is English. They are all trained the same way. They are recruited, brainwashed, and systematically made dumb.

The men in military embrace militarism as their religion. No questions asked. No second thoughts. No consciousness before firing a bullet. No “conscientious objection”. Just like the soldiers who were trained for Jallianwala Bagh massacre.

When a solider kills his father in the line of duty in a movie, you get goosebumps. Isn’t it?

It’s a long topic. It’s debatable too. But you need to think. Ponder. Ask. Decline. Resist. Why rules are forced on you? Why you need to accept the standards already set?

“Why not” is the counter to every “Why”. Why not?

Your name, your race, your caste, your religion, your color, your belief and your subconscious is already done and decided without a single uninterrupted-input from your own self. What left is resurrection. Question yourself. Question your beliefs. Embrace your doubts. And explore.

His Highness was a rightist once. He was in absolute hate of all those who believed otherwise. He was in support of violence over nationalism and religion. He used to get goosebumps too. A loss of cricket match used to hit like a bullet. Embarrassing, I know. But then, a decade back, things changed. Literature changed. Perspectives changed. Everything changed. His Highness will write on the journey of change another time. Till then, embrace your subconscious, doubts, and dark questions – not in Freudian way though.

Saad Rizvi comes out. Ali Wazir remains inside. That’s the whole judicial narrative of Pakistan.

Banned is not banned anymore. It’s welcomed by the impotents in power. NAP, however, is trashed.

By threatening the state with a couple of dead bodies, you can become a democratic entity. This is the message and this is the system.

This is also the narrative by the establishment – since the beginning. That’s why the majority got tired of minority and parted ways in 1971. Good for them. Happy 50 years of The Departed.

This is also the message of Gulzar Ahmed, Chief Justice of Pakistan, who stood shamelessly in front of the audience – including the unashamed Saqib Nisar – with his back to the brave beacon of hope we lost; Asma Jahangir.

Noor Mukadam was murdered brutally. Everyone knows the culprit. We all know the gruesome details of the murder. However, the judiciary is yet to give a verdict. Meanwhile, the killer is making joke of the judiciary in every hearing.

But CJ says he can’t be dictated and his judiciary is the best. Shit uttering shit in the most nonsensical way.

This judiciary is a brothel. If you have money, you can buy time and release. Raymond Davis was escorted by General Pasha himself on orders of this same judicial brothel.

Rao Anwar

Ehsan Ullah Ehsan

Sahiwal Massacre

APS justice

Model Town

12 May Karachi

Baldia factory

I bet you know more than me about this judicial brothel and its mockery of common people’s miseries.

So, Kurd was right. Absolutely right. Like Asma Jahangir was right.

It’s not a battle of left or right. It’s a battle for right. For justice.

And the hen who laid these rotten eggs is military.

This military has made this hung parliament to use these pawns accordingly.

This military has made these stalwarts in both government and in opposition to make a show.

This military has made these TLP, TTP, JuD and similar other outfits.

This military has all this set for a show for you to be busy in dumb discussions while they keep on making empires in the form of businesses, DHAs, islands in Australia, Pizza in America, and estates in Saudia.

While you keep on getting goosebumps. On music. On movies. On martyrdom which is a marketing technique and USP of military business.

This judiciary is just part of an extended business. That’s why they can’t do anything. They are told to let Davis go and the let go of Davis. They are told to ignore Rao and Rao is ignored. They are told to unlisten Ehsan and Ehsan is muted.

Now, you can hate His Highness. Because that was all too blunt for your fragile egos.

Relax. You are not their kid. They don’t care about you. You are not loved. You are not even needed. Embrace that. And evolve from here onwards.

2017: TLP is standing for the Prophet PBUH and we are standing with them. Close the roads. Burn the papers. Bring the capital down. Throw the government out. [After the Break: Rs.1,000/- each]

2018 A: No comments. No participation. Ok, burn but we are not burning with you. Elections are ahead and we want power not protests.

2018 B: No, not anymore. We are ruling Islamabad now and we will not let them burn. Capital won’t come down.

2020: They are against peace of the society. Must be banned. Banned.

2021: They are blackmailing the state. We are Muslims and we are for Islam while they are also Muslims but they are not for Islam. Let me rephrase…

4 days back: They are on a mission against the country and funds are coming from abroad. It’s a conspiracy against Pakistan.

3 days back: We are in talks. Things are going ok.

2 days back: They are funded by India. They are Indian funded traitors working against Pakistan using Islam for their vested interests.

Today: We have an agreement. All is good for now. No, we cannot tell you details of the agreement now. Will do it in appropriate time. No, they are not Indians anymore.

Next season in next season.

Conclusion: Things would have been way better if judgement of Qazi Faez Esa could have been read with an open mind and implemented accordingly.

That is why the state must be secular. The heroes of 2017 are villains today. Why? Religion. Interestingly, both the sides are religious and safeguarding Islam. Safeguarding Islam? From? Does Islam need your safeguarding?

No. It’s you who need Islam to sell your products. It’s a marketing tactic.

What is the meaning of being religious? Pretend! Pretend that you are faithful to the global Muslim cause. What is the global Muslim cause? Muslims against Muslims is the only effect I see.

Back in 2017, TLP was “apnay log”. Today, they are Indian agents.

Back in 2017, TLP was working for Namoos-e-Risalat. Today, they are working for RAW.

Back in 2017, they were given Rs.1,000 per agitator. Today, they are getting bullets.

Back in 2017, Military declined to take any action. Today, Rangers is posted in the whole province for two months.

Back in 2017, they were proxy political outfit of Military. Today, they are exactly the same but on the negative side of the Likert Scale.

Back in 2017, Sheikh Rasheed, Shah Mehmood Qureshi, Tahir ul Qadri, and the whole Military junta was supporting TLP. Imran Khan said some big words – typical of him, don’t mind – in support of them.

Today, vomit is being considered as soup. After all, it’s winter coming.

Some days back, PM Khan got stubborn for some days regarding appointment of new DG ISI. Then he took a u-turn. Classic. Have your heard the audio leak of Late Naeemul Haq? That describes the whole persona of the PM. He is nothing more than that. May be a little less. Or lesser.

Anyway, the state must be secular. Otherwise, it’s going to get deeper into the pit without a solution. First, it will be a Muslim state. Then a Sunni State. Then another division. Another. Another. Until all of us will be non-believers except the ones ruling the state. And we do know very well who is ruling this state in particular. 

Religion is personal. If it’s not personal, its business. A show-off. If it’s at state level, it’s oppressive. State MUST be secular and that is the only future of the world.

All the great ideas were blasphemous once.

This is the chapter – of 150-200 future years perhaps – wherein religion will become nothing more than a deeply personal belief. Today, we have scientific reasons behind earthquakes, cyclones, lunar eclipses, and almost everything. We are going deep into DNA and its modification way beyond our imagination. We keep the data of the whole world in our pockets. Religion is not required the way it was needed 200 years back. We already have many answers.

But to be honest, the unknown things will remain unknown. Who we are? Where are we going? Where were we before here? What do we know after death? Is this all real or a multi-players game?

Belief is necessary after all. We need it to get through deaths, pains, and traumas. We need religion in catastrophic situations when oxygen masks are out in the airplane. To pass. Through the traumatic episode or from the world altogether. But after landing… who cares?

Look around. The opposition of past is acting like the rulers of the past. Everything is opposite. Except one thing that the state has a religion and for that, we can do anything. Properties can be burned. Roads can be blocked. Acid can be used. Bullets can be fired. And blood can be spilled.

It’s a windmill of martyrdom. Again.

The one dying is a martyr. The one killing is a ghazi. Because the state has a religion.

Long time, no Highness.

It’s easy to accept that 9/11 was an inside job. But it’s tough to get the same insight regarding APS 2014. However, one thing for sure is, both the incidents served intelligence and militaries of the respective countries.

That’s why people like Ehsan Ullah Ehsan escape like Jerry and no one bothers.

Here we are again. Crying out loud in the UN General Assembly for everything we like. Islamophobia. Kashmir. Afghanistan. Taliban. Our cherry-picked favorite topics. Never cried for Yemen and many others.

We have been the pro bono – though not-so-pro-bono – spokesperson for Kashmir since 1947. Not for nothing. We accumulated a mighty arsenal based on Kashmir. India did the same. The two armies suck blood from the poor people for the sake of poorer people of Kashmir. In the name of nationalism and emotions.

The two poor nations have made two huge armies, equipped with atomic bombs, to mess around. A little mess here, a little mess there, and here goes another tranche.

But not everywhere. The monthly border bombings and firings – to keep the armies and their budgets intact – are mostly in Narowal and Sialkot sectors. Though DHA Lahore is much closer. Why not there? Because this is all set. Like 9/11. Like APS 2014.

Why don’t you get that this is all business of the Lords of War?

So, Ehsan Ullahs escape. But that doesn’t concern His Highness. What concerns His Highness is your dumb silence and your unquestioning loyalty. No one took the guards by the collar after he escaped. As if nothing happened. As if cognitive revolution is yet to happen.

Business. Nationalism and patriotism and everything. Your emotions are played. Sometimes with religion and sometimes with music. It works both ways as ISPR has proved. The same people with revealing bodies, cover themselves and give you religious sentiments and ultrasonic vibes, just because they play it better; with and without covers.

Byproducts. Nothing more than that you are.

Come to the current affairs. This includes affairs of Zubair Umar too but let’s save that for later.

Our loudmouth for our brothers from another mother – Talibans – is causing us not only moral embarrassment, but also economic setbacks. With New Zealand and England gone, Cricket is pretty much back to where it was 5 years ago. To be honest, that doesn’t even matter in the macro-economic view.

But we need to be good with words. It is not like PM Imran Khan is talking about women and their bodies and their clothes and men getting erections. It is about foreign affairs and international relations. Your big mouth can put the whole country and all the expats in serious trouble. Faiz’s move to Kabul for a cup of tea is nothing fantastic.

Iran is also on its toes. Things are getting real ugly with all the neighbors getting suspicious about us. We play religion with one. Sectarianism with the other. Brotherhood with the third. And Taya Gee with the fourth. And it is working. Against us.

With our support for ‘talibs’ in Afghanistan, we are disowning our own students in Islamabad. A mess has been created here since President Alvi’s ordinance of Pakistan Medical Commission. The poorly planned, month long, and expensive entry test is dubious. The whole medical system has been hijacked by this regime.

Life was so easy on the container. These same self-righteous men of the disguised-martial-law were supporting doctors and students all the way until they got their foot on the pedal. Now, the dream is collapsing and students are suffering. From the Capital to IBA Karachi. Just like the government itself, the schooling institutions have become Zia in itself. The guy who blew the whistle of harassment was expelled by IBA Karachi. How cool is that?

Because when nobody talks, nothing happens. No one escapes. No one is guilty.

Congratulations on the petrol price hike by the way. Again. While Zubair Umar was digging, and people were digging his digging, the actual petroleum products’ digging went up globally. There is petroleum crisis around the world. So, this time, we have a justification. But this utter nonsense of hiking prices every fortnight is ugly. Plus, we have so many other business oriented hikes like of sugar, wheat, medicine and other commodities.

Now the tapes. Hidden cameras. Hotel rooms. And stuff like that. Your favorite part of the post.

This happens everywhere, and when it’s with consent, you can buzz off. Your moral policing and bickering is not required because you are not the PM as yet. It’s happening. Just because you dislike Manto and your eyes are shut, doesn’t mean the greasing isn’t happening. It has been happening since the beginning. (Not advocating it.)

The point is: it shouldn’t be a tool to ridicule or embarrass anyone. It is Zubair now. A while back it was Sheikh Rashid. Before that there have been various celebrities, politicians, muftis, major sb, and common people. That was all with consent and you don’t need to play God. Disagree, please. But don’t ridicule.

It is absolutely wrong to be exposed this way. Equally wrong for all genders. As a society, we are losing morality. This way, private lives can be mocked right from the Prime Minister’s personal life to everyone.

Don’t watch. Don’t share. And ignore. This can be you tomorrow.

By the way, this is the right thing to ignore. But you choose to ignore Ehsan Ullahs. And your questions. And your conscientiousness.

And His Highness.

Do you know what is happening with the upcoming budget (particularly the development – taraqqiati – budget)?

Do you know what the plan is and how all the MNAs and MPAs (particularly in Punjab and KPK) are being cooled down with the new methodology adopted under “District Development Packages”?

Have you noticed that all the whispers of fights within the ruling elite are gone? No more talks of forward block in town, at least for now, and at least till the budget revelations.

Let’s get into it.

The resources are the same. Say we had Rs.100 for 20 projects in FY 2020-21. Out of those 20, 10 were fully funded and completed.

Now, with the same Rs.100, we are planning for 90 projects in FY 2021-22. Almost 70 of them are non-feasible.

Do you know how this system of development (ADPs) is going to crumble?

Thousands of “new” projects are going to be part of ADP in the coming financial year, without thousands in pipelines as “ongoing” already.

On the directions of Chief Ministers of the two provinces, the bureaucracy is all ready to succumb to orders. As they have neither spine nor future insight of what they are going to leave for the people.

At the moment, P&D Boards and Finance Departments are on way to one of the biggest robbery of the country. All under blue collars. In air conditioned halls. With the nodding ‘cream’ of the country.

With more projects in the pipeline, doesn’t the number of potential projects to be completed go down?

There are still projects across Pakistan, which were initiated more than a decade back, and are yet to be completed. Most of them were too expensive and too big to be handled by the ‘democratic’ regimes that followed.

So, this time, we are going to have a budget which is going to look elegant to everyone. With so many development projects. New roads. New schools. New dispensaries. New hospitals. Most of them non-feasible. Most of them adjacent to the already under-utilized ones.

This is for the MNAs and MPAs, particularly of Punjab. To make them happy that their projects will be part of the ADP portfolio and they will be able to cut ribbons right before the next general elections.

But NO.

With not enough financial resources, most of these projects will remain incomplete. They have no ground to stand. But, just for the sake of parliamentarians to be happy, to be with the government; the government is going to rob not only this generation, but upcoming generations as well.

The cost to complete current projects in future years (aka MTDF) – is going to be in trillions of Rupees, which the provinces of Punjab and KPK cannot even cover in the next 2 decades. This burden will be on the public. The public which is yet to gain consciousness of their futures being robbed.

Relax! You can’t do anything.

The bureaucracy, which has the mouth and all the words to talk when it comes down to them, is not going to take a stand. They are going to go against their own junk of policies and laws. Because they follow orders. Just like they want the orders to be followed. Without question. Without sense. Without any strategic foresight.

To be honest, they don’t have the sense to go that far in thinking. They don’t have any idea of the future. They will do meetings, long meetings, longer ones, with engaging gibberish and zero output.

Establishment – civil and not-civil – is the curse of this country.

They won’t resign. They won’t apologize. They will get this mess done with all the aristocratic manners. And you cannot make impactful noise.

So, calm down. Snooze all the alarms. Let your dreams take you to Naya Pakistan, all along the watchtower, where the joker is having a talk with the thief.