‘American Psycho’ by Bret Easton Ellis

• I’ve Xeroxed

• You are a fucking ugly bitch. I want to stab you to death and play around with your blood.

• Men are only here to procreate, to carry on the species, you know?

• You should have the Diet Pepsi instead of the Diet Coke. It’s much better. It’s fizzier. It has a cleaner taste. It mixes better with rum and has a lower sodium content.

• I just want everyone to know that I’m pro-family and anti-drug. Excuse me.

• Mergers and acquisitions. Murders and executions.

• I… want… to… fit… in.

• Life is full of endless possibilities.

• I’m beginning to think that pornography is so much less complicated than actual sex and because of this lack of complication, so much more pleasurable.

• Sex happens.

• Must you insist on being so pathetic?

• I’m not at all happy about this.

• Die or adapt.

• Surface, surface, surface was all that anyone found meaning in… this was civilization as I saw it, colossal and jagged…

• Questions are routinely thrown my way, among them: Are the rules for wearing a pocket square the same as for a white dinner jacket? Is there any difference at all between boat shoes and Top-Siders? My futon has already flattened out and it’s uncomfortable to sleep on – what can I do? How does one judge the quality of compact discs before buying them? What tie knot is less bulky than a Windsor? How can one maintain a sweater’s elasticity? Any tips on buying a shearling coat? I am, of course, thinking about other things, asking myself my own questions: Am I a fitness junkie? Man vs. Conformity? Can I get date with Cindy Crawford? Does being a Libra signify anything and if so, can you prove it? Today I was obsessed with the idea of faxing Sarah’s blood drained from her vagina to her office in the mergers division at Chase Manhattan, and I didn’t work out this morning because I’d made a necklace from the bones of some girl’s vertebrae and wanted to stay home and wear it around my neck while I masturbated in the white marble tub in my bathroom, grunting and moaning like some kind of animal. Then I watched a movie about five lesbians and ten vibrators. Favorite group: Talking Heads. Drink: J&B or Absolut on the rocks. TV show: Late Night with David Letterman. Soda: Diet Pepsi. Water: Evian. Sport: Baseball.